In Isolation, A New Creation Springs Forth

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  2 Corinthians 5:17

I read a devotion last week that mentioned caterpillars.  I laugh a little right now because it makes me think of my childhood.  I was such a outdoorsy tomboyish girl--to an extent.  I picked up caterpillars and lizards and frogs and I would proudly show them to my momma in the cup or jar that I had captured and put them in...only for her to snatch the container from me to throw it out the window of the car because she was scared of them.  Lol.  I still am fond of caterpillars because they transform into what is probably the only insect I like besides ladybugs and fireflies: butterflies.  In my elementary and middle school science classes, I was fascinated with how a common caterpillar would eat everything in sight to stockpile its energy for the metamorphosis it had to undergo in order to become its truest, most beautiful self.  And now, after the last 5 years, I understand personally how that happens.

Many of you know things about me.  You may even know intimate details of my life and my testimony.  But you don't really fully know me.  Truthfully, I did not know me until I took the leap of faith a year ago today when I arrived in New Orleans.  I left the Charleston area and South Carolina on July 28 to a puddle of tears right after I hit Summerville because I left and I could not turn back.  In this last year I have experienced a multitude of emotions and gone through plenty, things in my family, things at my job, things in my friendships, things within myself...on every front, tested, tried, and trials abound but to cause a catalyst within me.  I withdrew into myself, seeking the truth of who God called me to be, seeking who that woman was and allowing her to spring forth.  It was much like a caterpillar's cocoon.

Today's science lesson: the caterpillar's metamorphosis.  Caterpillars are the second stage of the butterfly or moth's lifecycle.  They begin as eggs, hatch into hungry larvae (caterpillars) and eat everything in sight, growing rapidly and shedding its skin to accommodate its growth.  The next stage is called a chrysalis.  In addition to being known as the pupa stage, this stage is also known as the protected stage of development.  After its adult structures and skeleton is formed, the new butterfly emerges from its protective casing to be reborn as a beautiful butterfly.  There is a wealth of knowledge here about our own transformations as Christians and specifically my own process.

From the time I went to college, then before and immediately after I had my transplant, I was eager to do God's will, seeking and searching for His plan and purpose for my life.  It was at this time that my blog was born now 4 years ago.  I studied God's word, read books, prayed, and searched for the church that I was to call home.  I was a hungry caterpillar, trying to eat all the Word I could.  During the last four years I have changed a lot and grown a lot.  I have learned so much about God and who He is.  I have went from drinking milk to eating baby food and now solid foods in this period of time, all in preparation for what I was to endure in just this first year of being in New Orleans.  I will admit that in some ways I am still in the caterpillar stage, while I know in others I have been in a chrysalis and have begun to emerge to stretch my wings.  It has been since I have come here that I have grown in leaps and bounds and I cannot take credit for any of this that has happened within me.  Yes, I still have a lot of growing to do, but I know it is a direct product of this isolation, this cocoon, that has caused me to grow like this. 

I must note two things: a cocoon is both a protected development experience and it also leaves you very vulnerable.  Most caterpillars find places that are discreet and unassuming to predators.  However, while predators may be the least of their concerns, they have nature, the elements, and other external forces--things completely outside of their control that can affect whether they survive the changes they are experiencing within the cocoon.  For me, this part of the process, surrendering to God and acknowledging that I had no control over those things external to me--people, primarily--was the most difficult.  It required me to trust the process that was happening within me, much like the caterpillar does when it becomes a chrysalis and I had to rest in knowing that when it is time for me to break forth as a new creation, that it was for the glory of God to be revealed.

No one likes to be alone.  No one likes to feel lonely.  I experienced a multitude of emotions over this last year: loneliness, worry, fear, anxiety, sadness, to name a few but that has now transformed to my complete trust in God.  Sure, I have my days when I am sad to be here like this, but I realize that this is just a period in my development and soon I will not be in this phase.  I share all this to encourage you to allow the process.  Trust the process.  I will never forget those words because I heard them one day crystal clear as I took a bath.  I was crying about the different things I was feeling but it gave me peace.  We have to trust the process.  And no, our process may not be the same as someone else.  Our process may take us hundreds of miles away from loved ones, nieces, and best friends, or it may isolate us in the same town as our family and loved ones.  But the beauty is in allowing the process to happen.  Caterpillars do not resist their transformation.  Why?  Its encoded in their DNA that when their time has arrived, they must go to the next phase.  And likewise, as Christians, it is encoded in our DNA to seek after God and do that thing that He has placed in us.  However for us we have the choice to resist and go about things our own way.  I encourage you to trust the process today and allow God to mold you into the new You.  Allow Him to shape you into the man or woman of God He has called you to be.  Resisting only prolongs the phase you are currently in and honestly, it will leave you unfulfilled and seeking natural ways to appease the longing within you.  Turn away from anything that is holding you back.  Take the next step and be transformed...your future awaits!

Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy.  Ephesians 4:24 NLT

Race Relations

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.  For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  Galatians 3:26-28 NASB

I have been thinking long and hard about this topic for several weeks now.  I cannot avoid it any more: this title has been in my head for at least three weeks and I just honestly did not sit down to type because truthfully I was still in a state of bewilderment at how the ugliness of our nation serves to keep us divided.  Of course, being a black woman, the exposure of the ugly, diseased wound in our nation that originates from differences in race has affected me personally.  My own brothers could easily have been Trayvon Martin or Oscar Grant (please see Fruitvale Station).  It has caused me to question having any children out of a momentary fear of the possibility of their having a future that did not involve prison or gangs or premature death.  But after much prayer, I was comforted by God's words to my heart that if I raise them as He leads me to and give them back to Him for covering and protection, worry should not be a factor for me but only my faith in Him and His assurance of their futures.

When this came to me, I thought of the origins of race.  How did different races and nationalities come to exist?  Well the only Biblical reference that remotely offers some insight is in the passage referring to the Towel of Babel, when the tongues of men were confounded after they all conspired together to build a tower (Genesis 11).  It was after this point that men were no longer of one language and they became scattered across the world.  A Biblical fact that most do not acknowledge is the early reference to the Jews as the chosen race, an early indication of how race had served to separate us all.  The beauty of this is that God had a divine plan in place to remove all these things from the table so that we could all partake of His love, grace, and mercy through His Son.

Throughout history, race, color of skin, and ethnic backgrounds have been used as the premise for discrimination.  Historically speaking, throughout time, ironically, it was the Jews who endured a lot of this discrimination--slavery during the time of Moses, the Holocaust, and even now in maintaining control of their lands, followed by the peoples indigenous to all of the continents of this world at the hands of the Europeans.  Sadly enough, in every case it was the group being oppressed that was labeled as inferior, rather than the oppressor.  Even in the New Testament, we find that race was considered by Jesus, even though it was only a test of this woman's faith.  In Mark 7, verses 24-30, Jesus is approached by a Syrophoenician woman to cast a demon out of her little girl.  The text notably states that she was a Gentile.  Jesus' reply to her: He said to her, "Allow the children to be satisfied first, because it isn't right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." (verse 27).  But because of her faith, she implored of Him yet again to deliver and heal her daughter; Jesus notes that it was because of her faith that her daughter was delivered.  However, this is not to classify Jesus Christ as racist--for Jesus was sent in the flesh to bring the Good News to the Jews first.  It was later through a Jewish man but a Roman citizen that the Word was later brought to the Gentiles.  If you will remember, while He was alive, Jesus even healed the servant of a Roman centurion--and better yet, the Bible states all that believed in Him were healed!  There is no further distinction of race here.  To even further support this fact, Jesus offers living waters to the Samaritan woman at the well, another 'race' that was frowned upon at the time by the Jews.  So this kills the race factor and should serve to remind us of God's love being most important.  After Jesus died, He became life for us all, regardless of race, creed, and background.

I found rest in the passage above from Paul.  Its remarkable to me how God used Paul, a known persecutor of the early Christians, to bring salvation to the Gentiles (every race that was not Jewish).  His words above reaffirm God's love for us because it was through Christ that everything that serves to separate us from one another came crumbling down.  It is the hatred, the evil inherent in humanity being born in a state of sinfulness and under the influence of the enemy, that causes us to walk in fear and to focus on our differences.  The title 'Race Relations' is honestly intended to highlight how irrelevant race really is because as Paul says--there is neither Greek nor Jew, male nor female, and slave nor free man in Christ.  God went to some great lengths to show us how much He loved us: to convert a known killer (Paul) and use him to proliferate the Good News to the entire world.  The true message of God is that He is love and He loves us infinitely for we are all one in Christ.

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body--whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free--and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 1 Corinthians 12:12-13 NIV

Scaling Walls and Climbing Fences

You have broken down all his walls; You have brought his strongholds to ruin.  Psalm 89:40

Growing up I climbed many a fence.  Yes even in my college days, I tore one of my favorite shirts climbing a fence to go sing the Sweetheart Song with some of my sorority sisters (which I am heartbroken over not being with this weekend as we celebrate our Centennial at Convention).  At any rate, the realizations I've had over the last few days make me realize how walls and fences can be both blessings and curses...in my case, a prison.

I have male friends...yep I do.  I do believe there can be platonic relationships between men and women.  I will admit though, some of them have liked me as more than a friend and the feeling was and is not mutual lol...some I have liked or dated in the past and I still keep in touch with because our relationship was able to overcome our past involvement.  I see no harm right now, being that dating has taken a back seat in my life as I continue to chase my other dreams.  However, I would be lying if I did not say that one of my heart's desires (another dream) is to be married and become a mother someday.  The reason that has had to sit in the freezer is that I wanted to devote my time, attention, and passions to juggling full-time work and part-time, demanding, life-changing law school studies.  It took so much of a back seat that I began to attract a certain caliber of males I'm not used to attracting.  These men would be successful and accomplished, or young and trying to get there but with the critical flaw of desiring everything and nothing at the same time--no true commitment.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think all attractions by men are on the soulish and spirit level, on the contrary, men being visual in nature, go after what they like when they see it.  However, some of these guys sought me out themselves...and after having a few uninteresting conversations with me, divulge their desire to not be in a serious relationship for whatever reason--distance, not being ready, commitment and trust issues--and end up wasting both my time and their own.

But I realized Monday after one of those guys sent me a less than appealing text message (another thing I'm not too fond of, having full blown detailed conversations via text message when you miss out on the tone, expression and pauses of being face to face or over the phone, sigh, woosah...but maybe I should start a blog on my dating pet peeves lol) that there was something wrong with me, there was something I was doing to draw these types of 'noncommittal' people into my space and my life experience.  I asked God to show me what it was I was doing--or not doing--to cause this conundrum upon myself.  And of course, God is faithful.  He showed me that it was in my words--things I actually was saying out of my own mouth--and that as a result, I had put up a wall.  I had been double-minded, saying I want to get married and have some kids, but then in the next breath reiterating my lack of a desire to date right now.

Walls are funny like that.  Good walls block out all the sound from the surrounding rooms and the outside.  Good walls prohibit the unwanted entry of opposing light and people.  Good walls separate you from whatever lies outside of them.  Good walls imprison you.  Good walls keep the new out and the old in.  Much like fences...and solitary confinement.

The even funnier thing about walls that God reminded me of this morning...from the time I decided to embark on forgiving others...is that walls keep everything out.  Even God.  Even love.

In my case, I felt I could not have both.  And honestly, my denial of all relationships was a blessing in my first year of law school.  My refusal to connect with anyone of the opposite sex other than surface-level (unless I already knew him) helped me.  I was able to juggle work and school effectively and learn what I needed to do to be successful, and I went on to pull up my lackluster first semester GPA and class rank to keep my grant (yay, go me!).  But see this was deeper than that.  It connected to my need to control--I thought I could control some aspect of my life lol.  It connected to the fact that I felt I was undeserving of anyone to love me because of bad past relationships, that I had done something to deserve the pain I received at someone else's hands--even my own family.  This even connected to my always doing what people thought was practical or the better choice--taking the credit-earning French class instead of following my heart and taking dance in middle school after making the cut, working a part-time job and two during high school instead of sticking it out as a flag girl/dancer and staying on the track team, or even going full steam ahead to college instead of pursuing an art career when those are things that I wanted to do.  It connected to the fact that I too had commitment issues, caused by these things.  This was even manifested in my random desire to chop all of my hair off yesterday (albeit a flyyyyy hair cut) lol after I had promised God I would no longer cut my hair and have since been growing it out for the last year and a half.   It went even deeper to the fact that when people told me that I couldn't do something, I would go to great lengths to master that thing (so I could prove them wrong) and after mastering it, I would quit and go on to whatever was next for me to conquer.  It connected to the fact that I had put time limits, stipulations, and guidelines on things...like I had to graduate college, get engaged, get married and have kids by 25 (DEFINITELY didn't happen--well if you count my goddaughter, I did have a baby ).  And even now, I felt that I had to go to law school and finish, start my career before I seriously began dating anyone.  The irony of this is that I had a conversation via text (grrr ugh gasp and die lol!!!)  with one of those guys that had approached me about this very thing--removing time limits and being open to whatever God allows.  It connected to my own need to be open-minded.  Most importantly it revealed to me yet another area I had not totally submitted to God.  The beauty of the last 12 months is that I've become this WHY? Marquita.  I ask myself why I am doing a particular thing, I ask God to show me the root and then I take that thing to God for Him to fix it.  This was a direct product of me not following my heart--following God's voice--and sacrificing me to do what other people thought was best.  I'm realizing right now that this connected to my need to people-please instead of pleasing God by using the gifts He gave me and fulfilling those passions in my heart.

Because of where I am in life, I proudly confess daily who I am, and I am so far from noncommittal its ridiculous.  I am not who the world says I am, but who I see myself to be.  And I see myself as many things.  I will be a wife and mother someday (not tomorrow smile, y'all will be the first to know outside of my family :D) because I already confess that I am.  I will be a judge because I boldly make the confession that I am one already.  I am many things now because I've said it...but this time what makes it different is that I no longer limit God and His ability to make my dreams my reality.  I've been tearing down walls for a few years now and I cannot trade who I am becoming for who I was.  I encourage you today to examine yourself and see why things in your life are going awry...I guarantee it is because you've spoken it over yourself--acquiescing to family curses and what your mom and dad or grandma said you would be--and you have not fully submitted to God...so I hope this blesses you and empowers you to submit that thing to God--well your whole life to Him!  Speak life...speak to your dreams...speak to your reality and let God show you what you can have, be, and do in this life.  Its not too late to go back to school, to meet the man or woman of your dreams; its not too late on a relationship that you felt could have been 'the one'--IF that's God's will for you, or to get out of debt, or to a better, purpose-centered, focused and driven life.  Stop saying I can't and I won't and let God use you.  Let God manifest His love for the world through you by release fear and speaking love.  Be love.  Just Be.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

An Uncommon, Unworldly, and Unusual Choice

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb.  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.  Psalm 139:13-16 NASB

My birthday is in two days.  I'm screaming inside lol. On the 28th day of this month I'll be 28 years old. Some call it my golden birthday, I recognize it as a monumental day, its definitely a holiday for me haha, but this one is different.  It is a milestone (developer talk) birthday. In biblical numerology, 28 is is 7 times 4, the divine perfection of created works.  I guess that's why the lunar cycle is 28 days.  I've been overcome with emotion today as I realized everything that God has done in my life this past year.  My uncommon, unworldly, and unusual choice has resulted in the greatest changes in me...I don't even recognize this new person.  God asked for 12 months, which I somewhat willingly obliged, and He gave me a new identity, one filled with words like queen, conqueror, victorious, healed, anointed as adjectives and nouns that describe who I am.  Like Alicia Keys says, it's a brand new kind of me.  So what did I decide to do for these last twelve months that makes me use uncommon, unworldly, and unusual? 

I chose to give myself completely to God, mind, body and spirit. I surrendered, I chose celibacy instead of fulfilling my own desires. I chose to truly walk in forgiveness, remembering some of the most painful things and choosing instead to walk in absolute forgiveness towards those who had wronged me.  I chose to pray and walk in love when being stabbed in the back. I chose to stand up for myself instead of taking abuse and frustration as a way of life. I chose to eat healthy and workout consistently, nurturing this body He gave me so that I can continue to do the works I was sent here to do.  I chose to focus on myself and cultivating my relationship with God so that I could in turn show Him to others.  I released baggage from relationship after relationship and I chose to embark on a relationship with myself and God. I chose to acknowledge my hurts, feel pains, and admit when I didn't like something, when I was wrong, or when I made a mistake.  I chose transparency, loyalty and faith instead of hiding behind walls, fear and doubt.  I chose to overcome myself--things I've done all my life and to truly press and work hard for the things I want out of life.  I chose to pursue the truest form of self in the midst of adversity instead of compromising.  I chose to give God my weaknesses so that He could amplify them through His strength.  I chose to know who I am--my strengths, my gifts and talents, and my hopes, dreams and visions so that I could assimilate all things that make me Marquita without any need of rejection or fear of acceptance.   I endured the pain of being separated from my loved ones so that when I am able to around them all the time again, I'm able to appreciate and truly love them for who they are. This time has strengthened my friendships, ironically enough, with those that God has assigned to me and brought me closer to them than I was when we were in the same area!  I no longer have to explain who I am: I'm goofy and silly, love having a good time, absolutely love to sing and dance, I love rap and gospel music all the same, and I love God, the people He gave me to do life with, and the purpose He put inside me.  Quite simply, I surrendered so that He could teach me to truly love me so that I could love God and others.

And what have I gained?!?  I've gained love for myself, love for others and love for my Father.  I've gained peace, courage, and understanding.  I have gained the keys to my own soul by giving God everything.  I've defeated my worst enemy--me--so that I could be a better version of me.  I gained the freedom and liberation to be happy and in love with who I see each day when I look into the mirror.  I gained the chance to reflect that to others.  Instead of always finding flaws in others, I pray and ask God to show me the positives and the good.  Now, I pray wholeheartedly for those that come against me (still praying about some hahaha).  I know what it means to be happy regardless of my circumstances, to have peace and trust God even when things are unclear and the way ahead is blurry.

How did all of this come about?  Well last year I had already begun to surrender different areas of my life to God.  I started teaching bible study back in April and it was as I taught a series on Exercising Your Faith, that we got to Esther.  How she was willing to sacrifice her life to save the people.  How she came from lowly beginnings to become queen of the Persian Empire.  How God used her for something so great.  It was then that I knew what I needed to do.  In Esther's preparation process, each young woman spent 12 months to prepare for her one night with the King.  Those twelve months did a lot of things, exposed pregnancies, divulged and allowed them to be healed from diseases (through the use of special anointing oils), and allowed them to become versed in the ways of a queen, if they were fortunate to be selected.  Esther was favored over them all.  Those things stuck out to me:  favor, 12 months of preparation, being set apart and isolated.  Sure enough, I thought that God was doing this to prepare me for my husband (NOT! well who knows, I know someday I will get married ).  But it was so much bigger than that.  I did get pregnant--(PAUSE not really people gosh! ) pregnant with purpose, will power and perseverance, and confidence in who I am and what I know to be truth.

Sure, I was lonely being down here in the swamps with none of my friends or immediate family near me.  Sure, I was tempted to just pass the time with people I knew were not meant to be permanent parts of my life.  Sure, I have wanted to go home (still do, lol).  But I cannot discount what I have gained.  God led me to go on that journey, on this process, to be purged and pruned, to be ready for whatever else He wants me to do.  

This is not to condemn anyone...because I have still fallen short (like with my love of candy and cakes...trust its going down this weekend haha).  But this is to encourage to seek the truest version of yourself.  How else can you get to know yourself if you don't seek out your Maker?

Well happy birthday to me!! I have a lot to celebrate!  I love you all and I pray this blesses you!

Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God.  1 Peter 1:22-23

To Thy Own Self Be True

"But you," He asked them, "who do you say that I am?"  Matthew 16:15

I have experienced so many life changes in the last twelve months.  I have released, I have cried, I have forgiven, I have gotten upset and angry, and I have gone through that process again.  I have acknowledged and accepted things, and I have let them go.  I moved almost a thousand miles away to pursue a dream and to walk in the purpose that God has placed on my life.  In that time, I have become more myself than I have ever been.  No longer do I focus on what others say and think of me.  No longer do I allow the thoughts of others to control and manipulate me.  No longer am I my truest self within the confines of my home, but the Marquita that walks outside of her apartment now is the Marquita that I was born to become and more and more each day I embrace her with love, acceptance and honor.

I have had several realizations lately.  I have acknowledged strengths, acknowledged that I too long focused on making my weaknesses better--like attempting to not be so emotional, not be so affected by things.  I tried to shut myself off and become someone I am not.  As I was thinking of how things that have happened over the last year have affected me--pregnancies, engagements, marriages, and countless other things that have gone on in the lives of my friends--my family, and I thank God for moving me so that I would not have had to experience some of these hurts in their faces.  I took on their pain at times, because that is what I have always done.  In other cases God equipped me with immeasurable strength, the strength to be there and console them and encourage them with my own testimony of similar occurrences.  I embarked on this journey of self-improvement and wound up meeting God.

As I thought last night and today about two simple words shared with me last night at dinner by a woman I met through a networking event because of law school, who has blessed my journey here with the opportunity to further network and make a name for myself in the legal community down here, her words--be yourself--rang out clearly in my mind.  I thought what they meant, for the first time with a clear head.  And God reminded me of a person who always was, always is, and always will be himself.  Jesus.

How was Jesus himself?  He did three things:

- He knew who He was.

- He knew what His purpose was. And

- He did and fulfilled His purpose by being Himself at all times.

From the time Jesus was twelve, He was walking in His purpose, amazing theologians with the depth of understanding of scripture, so engrossed in His Father's work that His parents and family unknowingly left Him behind in Jerusalem.  He told His parents after they asked Him why did He make them anxious in looking for Him: 'And he said unto them, How is it that you sought me? knew you not that I must be about my Father's business?' (Luke 2:49)  He knew who He was.  Do you know who you are?  At the top of that list should be, I am a child of God.

After He was baptized by John the Baptist, Jesus was sent into the wilderness to be prepared.  I've come to understand that the wilderness is not to harm us but to equip us with all the tools necessary to effectively do the work to which we are called.  The wilderness strengthens us, grooms us and prunes us.  But if we do not know who we are, how can we be sustained when we are in the wilderness?  Look again at Jesus:  Luke 4:1 states: Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness.  Later after His fast, Jesus was then tempted by the devil.  But every time, Jesus overcame the enemy with the Word of God.  I also add He used the Word with authority--why?  Because He knew who He was.  The wilderness isolates you to reveal to you your specific purpose and assignment.  It will also purge and prune you of habits and attitudes and behaviors, even people, that will hinder you from being successful.  It will also build your faith, if you allow it.  Jesus knew what His purpose was.  He knew He was the lamb of God, to be sacrificed for all of us.

Finally after overcoming the enemy, Jesus went forward to preach and heal and deliver and save, ministering for 3 years and changing the world as we know it.  His pursuits empowered others to follow in His footsteps, even in death, to bring salvation to this world.  Jesus did this by being himself, being who He was called to be.  Not compromising, not changing Himself for anyone's acceptance and approval.  He was able to know the thoughts of the Pharisees, the Sadducees, and the leaders of the Synagogues so that He was able to remind them of God's word.  He was Himself, and this is the same thing we are called to do.  Be that man and woman He is calling to you.  He is speaking to your heart, telling you to drop the pretenses and be authentic, not just at home but with everyone, everywhere.  He is calling you to let your lights shine before men.  He is calling you to step out in faith in Him and be like Jesus.  When I read that I was being transformed to the image of Christ, I honestly thought I understood what that meant.  But yesterday and today I realize being like Jesus is so much more than ministering to others, because if you minister to others and still reflect yourself, you taint the Word and can cause others to turn away from Christ.   To be like Christ is to be yourself, is to be the man or woman He preordained for you to be, is to walk in the purpose He planted in your heart.  The only way to discover your purpose is to seek God, and to seek Him in Spirit and truth.  

So on this journey, these last twelve months, I have only glimpsed my true self.  Each day I become more Marquita than I ever was.  I have learned to not concern myself with what other people think of me, getting myself all bent out of shape and stressed trying to fit some false mold.  I extend love to everybody now, especially those that have hurt me because it is not about me, but about them seeing Jesus in me.  When you are the real you, walking in purpose, walking in favor, walking in truth, Jesus is easily reflected in you.  So I encourage you, to thy own self be true.  You can only ascend higher if you allow God to take you higher...

Examine yourselves, whether you be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know you not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except you be reprobates?  2 Corinthians 13:5

Fwd: Don't Miss Your Opportunity

If a man say, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar: for he that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 1 John 4:20 AKJV

How many times has someone gotten under your skin?  How many times have you secretly cursed the day someone was born--okay maybe that is is a bit much haha. But really if you are human, you have experienced a day when someone has pushed your buttons beyond the norm and you wanted to lay hands on them, and not with the intent to deliver them.  I have had my share of these experiences and it seems more than enough of them have been occurring since I moved here.  These people are rude!  Not like my people in SC and GA.

But I had two situations in particular where I have had to be a true demonstrator of the character of Jesus to those who have been more than uncouth.  What do you do in these situations?  How do you react?  

Well one situation, I did not react in the best way.  I wasn't rude--thank God.  There was a person with whom I was acquainted.  I asked their opinion of something and disagreed with their opinions.  The person rebutted every single comment I made, all because I disagreed with them.  After I realized I invested a whole two hours of my day into a stupid conversation, I immediately decided to never speak to that person again.  I even told our mutual friend and my friends about how much they had upset me.  Then a week later, about a week and a half after the disagreements, I was laying in the bed and I had just prayed.  It was revealed to me how I had missed an opportunity to show this person the love of God.  I reacted out of my feelings and in my need to protect them, just stopped replying to any further messages and had decided I would ignore any further attempts to talk to me.  I prayed at that moment for forgiveness, and I asked God to help me not miss any more opportunities to show Him to others. I asked God to show me how to be loving to people that angered me, hurt me or pushed me to the point of acting out of character.  Of course God answered, and had that same person to contact me again about something else.  Of course now I know that was a test, and I promised that I would do whatever I could to allow God's love to shine through me.  Little did I know I would have the biggest test of my life in this area with my supervisor.

Everyday we are faced with chances to give someone who hurt us grace.  Now, I am not saying put yourself in a situation where someone can intentionally hurt you.  No, that would be foolish.  But be willing to seek God on how you are to respond to others. Our goal in life is to be God's witness here on the earth.  A painful truth I realized is that the salvation of others is more important than how we feel.  That person that hurt your feelings or was rude to you--their salvation is more important that your feelings.  That person that cut you in the line--their salvation is more important than your feelings.  How many times have you 'kept it real' and showed someone you instead of God?  Every encounter is an opportunity to demonstrate the love of God, even to the most loathsome person.

It is not an overnight process, trust me!  I still struggle with it.  I am a crier, even when I get angry so I have shed many a tear about this kind of stuff.  How can I be loving to someone who I feel doesn't deserve to be in the same room with me breathing the same air I am breathing?  I'm sorry, that's mean haha.  But what do you do?  You trust God.  You call on God for the strength to do it.  Smile anyway.  Laugh anyway.  Show them God!

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.  1 John 4:12 NIV

Fwd: Empowered by Your Praise

and he said, "Listen, all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's. Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the valley in front of the wilderness of Jeruel. You [need] not fight in this [battle]; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.' Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out to face them, for the LORD is with you."  2 Chronicles 20:15-17

I know I haven't written in a very long time.  And my heart and soul have cried out for me to do so...it gives me great peace and encouragement to put down in words how great God is and what He is doing in my life.  But honestly, I could not find the strength to do so, between distractions inflicted on me by my studies and the heaviness of the pains caused by life's betrayals.  But now I know it's time to return to one of my first loves.  And I've missed it.

When you are in the midst of a battle, it may be far from your mind and heart to give God praise.  I know, because I have been there.  Just left that place Friday evening.  My heart was too broken and battered to find the courage to do it.  I couldn't even concentrate to say thank you God.  My spirit was weary and my soul could only cry, heck I could only cry.  I felt so bamboozled, so betrayed and so broken because I was caught off guard.  True indeed, I knew the enemy was coming for me because of a prophecy I had received last year.  I knew he was coming because I was teaching bible study on Spiritual Warfare and giving away secrets (the secret that isn't a secret--we are to walk in love towards all, even those that hurt us and in doing this we defeat the enemy).  I knew it; I had already been praying about the two things that I felt were going to be sources of attack.  But when they arrived, both in the same time span, I was distraught.  And I did what I learned to do, I turned to my Father in prayer, alone, as I had always done.

After I went to sleep Friday night, I had purposed in my heart that I would praise God.  I would listen to songs of praise and victory continually and continue to sing praises to my God.  I knew He would deliver me, I had faith in the answers I had received in prayer and I decided I would get over it by praising God.  I even decided I would listen to praise and victory songs specifically all week.  Now as I write, I'm going to add reciting the Psalms of praise and worship to my attack plan.  Why do this?  I am reminded of King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20.

At this time, the Ammonites, Moabites, and the men of Seir all rose against the people of Judah and King Jehoshaphat.  He prayed a powerful prayer reminding God of all He had done for them in the past and rested in the fact that God would deliver them.  God sent a prophet to let Jehoshaphat know that they would not need to fight, but to simply stand and watch as God fought the battle for them.

In my 40 day fast at the beginning of the year, this was one of the scriptures I confessed for myself and my family and friend for the different things I was fasting about.  And I am brought to tears now as I write about this.  I may not see the results right this minute, but I will keep praising God because I know this is not a battle I need to fight.  Everything that is mine I will have and everything that has been set aside for me I will claim.  God will get the victory here and I trust and believe He is faithful.  

God promised to give us a spirit of praise for the garment/spirit of heaviness...and if you will simply receive it you can continue to walk in the joy of the Lord.  Let God fight for you and praise Him like Jehoshaphat did!  I know I am!  Love you all!

After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:
"Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever."  22As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated. 23The Ammonites and Moabites rose up against the men from Mount Seir to destroy and annihilate them. After they finished slaughtering the men from Seir, they helped to destroy one another.

2 Chronicles 20:21-23 NIV