What is your Goliath?

**I initially wrote this on December 20th and I was reminded today to identify my Goliaths so that I can stand in faith, like David, that the Lord of Heaven's Armies, God my Father, will prevail.  I encourage you to do the same and approach everything you face in faith.

David asked the men standing near him, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?"  1 Samuel 17:26

Heyyyy y'all!! I pray you all are blessed and well!  Christmas is upon us, and I've been spending the last 3 weeks just in thanks, praise and worship during my days (outside of my laughing at the silly videos I see and working like a slave for both my finals and work) because God has been so good.  He has gotten me through so much this year, and I am truly, truly grateful.

So I've been hearing about David a LOT.  A devotion I read a few weeks ago, the scripture of the day last week and a song I've been listening to, and even again today with another devotion, the story of David and Goliath has been there for a reason.  There is so much in the story of David's life.  How he was overlooked by his own father, how he was criticized by his brothers, he was a shepherd--dirty, smelly, and unkempt, how he was pursued in anger and jealousy by Saul after David killed Goliath and became the favorite of the people.  There is so much!  But this morning, I kept hearing, what is your Goliath?  What is your Goliath?  

So I ask you today what is your Goliath.  Is it a person?  A relationship?  A mindset?  Health issues and challenges?  How you were raised?  Things that happened during your childhood?  Your job?  A generational curse?  Your supervisor and/or co-workers?  Moving?  What is it? 

Looking at David, everyone second-guessed him.  No one felt he had the strength to do it.  He got Saul's approval, who tried to put his armor on him.  But even then, he took that off. (That is another lesson, whew.)  But David had already been prepared.  As a shepherd, David had gone to great lengths to protect his flock.  The sheep trusted him, they followed him for their every need.  It was just him and the sheep.  In that isolation, several things happened: He came to know God and to respond to His voice, he had to endure some trying situations to protect them, he killed a lion and a bear, but more importantly, he had to make decisions for the well-being of others (here the sheep) which qualified him.  It was these things that prepared David to kill Goliath, to elude Saul, and to ultimately become king over the children of Israel.

I know I don't just speak for myself here.  I know we have all gone through things that have prepared us for those circumstances we face.  In the midst of the situation, you don't realize how you have already been prepared for it.  I was overcome with praise earlier, just thinking about how God prepared me for the Goliaths and Sauls I have faced so far in my life.  Just to give you a testimony...here are some:

• pledging.  Becoming a Delta prepared me for so much.  I prayed and asked God if it was His will for me to become a member and I am so grateful that He used it to make me stronger, wiser, and dedicated.  During that time, I had to overcome so many things within myself: mindsets, weaknesses, trusting others, putting others first all the time...  It was the lessons I learned during that period that helped me to go through the most trying experience in my life at that time: my kidney diagnosis.
• kidney problems and lupus nephritis diagnosis.  That diagnosis changed my life.  But I refused to accept that God would not heal me.  God's way of healing me was through my transplant and its has almost been 5 years since that!  I never had a true lupus flare up, my tests and serologies have all been negative ever since.  I never had to do dialysis.
• the relationship from hell.  No pun intended.  In that relationship, I forced myself to love unconditionally, but more importantly it taught me to trust that I hear God's voice.  Everything within me told me not to stay in it, but I thought it was me.  I thought I was being fearful and being scared because of my trust issues.  I learned to trust God for who He has for me, instead of trying to force it with the wrong person.  That relationship affected me in every area...and I'm so grateful it is over!  God even showed me how I could have been the one to be abused...and how He kept me from it.  Now I know that when it is my time, it will be nothing like that.
• bad financial decisions.  Because I always tried to help everybody, I have made some decisions that were not so wise, one time in particular, I heard 'Don't Do This', my stomach felt sick and everything...and I did it anyway.  In turn, I was almost not able to get a car.  But God made a way with that and I have been diligently climbing out of debt...soon to be out of the majority of my debt minus Sallie Mae of course. 
• different situations at work.  I had a co-worker tell me they were going to mentor me and help me get my promotion.  Instead, I was thrown under the bus, ran over, and reversed over.  That situation prepared me for what I went through here in New Orleans with work.  I know I've been the product of discrimination both racially and gender-wise.  I still haven't been promoted, but I trust God and I know that He has taken care of me: I survived furloughs and a self-imposed pay cut this year and still have been able to travel and go home.
• my daddy's death.  That was the worst thing I have gone through but it prepared me for so many things.  I think the biggest Goliath that came out of that was unforgiveness.  To move forward I had to forgive; I've been working on that through writing this book...which manifested another Goliath--defeating the need to hide behind this face.  Now I am not afraid to share my testimony and the things I have endured.  I hid behind my smile because dealing with the things I experienced at the hands of others and as a result of my own choices hurt too much.  I would preach these things at others but would seldom put them to practice.
• being molested and how that affected everything about me.  I had so much anger about this.  But this tied in with so much...the guilt, shame, and insecurity I felt, my distrust for my extended family (well, this became more apparent after my daddy's death), even addressing the shroud of secrecy and how it keeps a person in a prison.  But releasing those feelings through forgiveness and extending them grace has been a Goliath.  I couldn't even trust my memories, because I did not know what was real anymore.  But with God I have overcome this.  I am not afraid anymore.

Even the little situations have prepared me.  Learning to speak up for myself immediately instead of brushing things under the rug or ignoring it, having to be bold and say some not so comfortable things to people, even living in crazyland away from all my family and close friends has prepared me for moving closer and learning to focus in so I can be successful.  I have learned patience in being here--especially with desiring to get married and have children--that I can't force it myself if I say I trust God.  What is meant to be will be.  I overcame the giants of shame, guilt, insecurity, judgmentalism, so much!!  I really love myself for the first time...and I do not allow anything to keep me down.  There is no thing that I cannot do, as long as I have God.

So again, today I ask you what is your Goliath.  I ask you that and I ask you to identify the things you have overcome.  Trust and know that the power is within you to overcome.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10 tells us that in our weakness we are strong through the power of God.  God will get you through.  Ignore the naysayers, whether it be your enemies, your family, your friends.  All you have to do is rest in Him and trust that He will get you through.  Whether your Goliath is generational curses, the enemy's thought injection, or not trusting that you can overcome your past...you can.  I'm here to tell you that you can.  Look back at what you have overcome.  You may have gotten beat down in some situations but you are still here, so that means you have a victory to praise God for and a reason to celebrate.  You will get through this and Goliath will be defeated.  He cannot defy the Lord--he cannot steal God's purpose and destiny for you unless you allow it.

I love you all...be blessed this holiday season as we celebrate Christ's birth.

So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.  David ran and stood over him. He took hold of the Philistine's sword and drew it from the sheath. After he killed him, he cut off his head with the sword.  1 Samuel 17:50-51

The Microwave Effect Pt. 2: Discouragement and Its Impacts on Your Success

"Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:7-9

I saw a post last week on success.  It made me think about what being successful means to me.  According to Websters, success is defined as favorable or desired outcome; also :  the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.  If you ask me how I define success, I would probably say that its achieving your goals, dreams, and heart's desires, fulfilling your life's purpose.  I did not begin doing those things until after my transplant.  I had goals before then yes, like graduating college and getting married.  So you can easily see how I was attacked by discouragement even then: I got sick my junior year of college, threatening my graduation, and I am still not married.

That discouragement was something serious--because I allowed it to be serious. Now, it could not attack me with school, I was determined to finish no matter what.  But when it came to getting married, and recently with everything in my life in general, it had me whipped to the point that I would not call on the name of Jesus to be freed from those thoughts.  I sat there and had a pity party because things were not happening fast enough for me.  Yep...that microwave effect again.    

I was more comfortable wallowing in self-pity than shaking it off and getting back in the fight.  So I sat that way, for a week recently.  Angry.  Bitter.  Disinterested and discouraged.  But I was ashamed of myself for feeling that way.  I allowed the thoughts, those voices (again your mind is the battlefield) to influence me; I allowed myself to become discouraged in the pursuit of my dreams.  I know I'm not alone here.

Too often nowadays, once a person is faced with some obstacle hindering their progress they give up.  Now I will not attribute this lack of perseverance wholly to the microwave effect--because it isn't just that, but an overall lack of faith.  The residual side effect of never having to endure, be obedient or wait for things to manifest is that it creates a poor backbone.  Want an example?  Let's look at King Saul.

In 1 Samuel 15, up until this point, Saul was victorious, prosperous and had found favor in the eyes of the Lord--God selected and anointed him to be king over all of Israel out of all the people.  But God instructed him to do something very specific in battle against the Amalekites: to destroy all of the people, men, women, and children, their livestock and kill the king.  But Saul disobeyed God, which served as a critical turning point in his life; he left the king alive along with the some of the livestock.  Here again is that 'going about things your own way' attitude instead of following through and enduring.  He failed his test which cost him everything.  Because of this Saul was stripped of God's favor, and David was anointed king in his place.  Saul, instead of staying in a place of repentance, became vengeful towards David, and eventually died a very cruel death.  Saul, who was the king of a united Israel, ended up living the rest of his natural life separate from God.  Instead of the kingship continuing with Saul's family, his rights were transferred to David and his family line.  He allowed the evil thoughts in his head to keep him discouraged after his failure, instead of rebuking them and getting back in line.  What's worse, all of the success of his earlier years was overshadowed by the shame that followed.

Don't be like Saul.  Don't get outside of God's will and do what you want to appease the world.  Don't allow that setback, whether of your own doing or not, to permanently knock you out of life.  Don't even allow it to take root in your mind.  Yes we all go through, whether trials and tribulations or temptation, because that is the nature of life.  Don't believe the person that says we aren't going to experience difficulties, because we will.  Life is seasonal, and just like we have Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring, we have seasons of rain and drought, abundance and difficulty, and storms and sunshine in our own lives.  Be like Peter was when he stepped out of the boat--in faith and eyes focused on Jesus.  Get back up and stop pouting!  Just because a squall rolls up, don't lose sight of the Lord and His promises.  Speak to your storm and call forth your success in faith!

But He said to them, "Why are you fearful, you of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea. And there was a great calm.  Matthew 8:26

The Microwave Effect Pt. 1: Loneliness and How It Taints Relationships

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.  Psalm 37:4-5

I still remember his words to me.  In a conversation with my friend's older brother last Christmas break about my post-law school plans, I told him of my desire to return to Atlanta to practice law and live.  His words still ring out in my head: You'll never get married there.  I quickly replied something along the lines that I wasn't worried about that.  And being who I am, I know now and knew then that God will send me my husband at His appointed time.  But I was never a patient person, I've only gotten better recently, lol baby steps.  Fast forward to now, and well a couple of weekends ago, when I had a major epiphany that resulted in this 3-part devotional and videos (to come soon!).  Ultimately, its thoughts and words like that, that consume a vast majority of people, 'You'll never do this, you're never gonna make it there'.  It is as if they are driven mad by the impatience, so mad that they decide to take matters into their own hands and plan their own futures.  This is not contained within dating and marriage, but in every area of our lives.  Its the microwave effect, the attitude that we should have what we want now.  We live in a society that cannot delay self-gratification--look at the news when a new pair of Jordan's comes out and see who was attacked or killed to get them.  When you want something or someone, you must have it now and you can't wait, even if waiting will bring along something better.  When I realized this, God reminded me of a dream I had 2 years ago.

In the dream, I was at a house gathering with one of my close friends.  There was a preacher, and every one in the house was caught up in what he was saying...but me.  Every time he said something that did not align with the word of God, I corrected him.  When he was done and the crowd had dispersed, I confronted him.  Then he did something, and if you saw it, it was like dropping a rock in a still pond, causing ripples to my eyes, like he cast a spell on me.  But I kept calling on the name of Jesus, rebuking and binding him, and eventually I defeated him.

At the time, I thought that dream meant I was not ready to go back to Atlanta, because I had been trying to get back since I left.  I thought it meant that I wasn't strong enough and would fall victim to what was happening to the people in the room, to the deception and appealing words of that false prophet.  I now realize there was more there.  That prophet was spewing lies to believers, and as it applies here, the lie that we are in complete control of our own destinies and don't need God to get what you want!  As a Christian, we are to submit to the divine will of God.  That's not to say that obstacles will not come and cause us to be distracted--on the contrary, these things will happen.  I realize that I was the only one in there to see the truth--that he was lying and that I have to be willing to stand up on behalf of my friends and those around me and come against those lies.  I ask you, what lies have you been told by the enemy--by the prevailing thoughts of society--that you are believing?  Is it that you will be single forever?  That you have to be skinny to be healthy?  That you have to keep doing what your ancestors and parents did because of man-made traditions?  Or specifically for this devotion, that you have to go about finding your own mate, by any means necessary?  The lie that predominates all these things is that YOU don't NEED GOD and that He doesn't love you or else you would have everything you want.  And that is the biggest lie.  EVER.  The enemy is going really hard nowadays to get us to stop trusting God and to start trusting ourselves...and we are doing it.  We do it so much till we mess things up.  Then we run back to God (hopefully) to fix it, and when He doesn't fix it quickly enough or to our liking, we go on trusting ourselves and forcing our own way, like spoiled kids and continuing the cycle, and getting further and further away from the Father.  It tells us that patience is pointless and you can have what you want if you go get it.  Sometimes, when you get that thing, it does much more damage to you in the long run.  So I hope these bless you...here goes.

Loneliness and How It Taints Relationships

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."  Genesis 2:18

I fundamentally do not agree with online dating.  Nor am I the aggressive female that will pursue you like a lioness searching for the last pig on the planet (This made me think about Nala from the Lion King).  I tried being 'forward' in college expressing my interest in a cute guy and failed miserably (let's disregard the fact that I had a boyfriend at the time, thank GOD for maturity, pruning and preparation--transparency is something else I tell ya).  FYI, this devotion does not only apply to online dating, but all relationships.  I am not trying to offend anyone, just to shed some light, like that light was cast on me.  So at first, I was thinking it was just because of how I was raised...because no matter how it was presented to me, I just don't like it.  But after learning that several of my close friends, many in Atlanta, all date online, I had to really truly pray and seek God about why I felt so opposed to it.  I know several who have met guys and were not so successful with it, so that was enough for me to further solidify my disdain.  Then it was like all at once, I understood.  The scripture above tells us to trust in God.  Delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart.  And a more relevant verse to this area is Proverbs 18:22: He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.  With that said, if you trust in God, delight in Him, spend time getting to know Him--because its in knowing God that you truly begin to know yourself--reading, serving Him, and in singing to, dancing for, praising and worshiping Him, He will give you the desires of your heart.  This goes without saying, because in that time of getting to know God, submitting to God, and loving on God by doing His will and seeking His face, you will be prepared to receive that desire.

I will first say, that Romans 8:28 tells that all things work together for the good of those who love God, and are called according to His purpose for them.  I believe, and Lord correct me if I am wrong, that ultimately at the end of the day, when we get outside of the will of God, as long as we come back and surrender to Him, seeking His face and staying at His feet, He will ultimately work that thing out for our good. So let's march on, stepping through scripture.

In Genesis 24, Abraham sent his servant Eliezer to get a wife for Isaac.  Before Eliezer did anything, he asked God for favor and to send him the woman to become Isaac's wife.  Before he finished praying, Rebekah came up and did exactly as he had requested in his prayer.  Even further back in Genesis 2, God himself took Adam's rib to create Eve, and presented Eve to Adam as his wife.  So I wondered, what made this so attractive to my friends?  What was it??  Then I heard a lot. lol. 

Primarily, because of our microwave society--fast food, tv dinners--we don't like to wait for anything.  And we as humans are inherently self-centered, which is usually instilled in us from birth by how our parents are supposed to tend to us(all don't experience this nurturing) which leads us to believe that everything should be about us and that when we cry, we get what we want.  This is not so.  Isaiah 40:31 says that they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.  They shall run and not get weary--wait on God for your spouse, trust Him for him or her and you will truly get the best person for you.  And even if your waiting tarries longer, your strength will be renewed to persevere in that season.

So back in August I told God I was not going to wait for my future husband, and that I was going to meet people and date whoever I wanted because I did not want to wait for this man anymore.  Of course in my first year here, God did a WHOLLLLLEEEE lot of work on me.  I dealt with things that had affected me since childhood and that had hindered me from truly walking in my purpose.  It was hard, especially releasing these things while in law school, a whole other challenge in itself.  So I was not too interested in dating last year; don't get me wrong, I would go out, if asked just as a diversion from monotony so to speak.  But then I had an epiphany this summer about how I was being double-minded, saying I didn't want to date, but knowing in my heart I long for my husband and to have a family someday.  I had to seek the source of the confusion in my life because I was attracting guys who were just as confused as me.  They liked me and enjoyed my company, but didn't want to settle down.  They wanted to hang out with me when I was local, but were not willing to date me because of the distance.  So I checked my words and thoughts and got it together.  Then I met 3 guys within a few weeks of each other...one I was introduced to, the other two I met in the grocery store parking lot (y'all better go grocery shopping lol!!! JUST kidding).  One guy I beat in pool and never heard from again, and the others just were not my cup of tea.  But in this process, I told God I was not going to wait for who I felt He had told me would be my husband.  I said I was going to pick who I wanted...why...because I was feeling that microwave effect!  I let impatience tell me I could do it on my own because I had become who I ideally wanted to attract.  I'm guilty of it all the way, talking to guys that I have no desire to get serious with, just for the attention or to numb that ache that the loneliness was causing.  In all honesty, I know this is God's time, but I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it.  But now, today, I am content, in my singleness, because I know and rest in trusting God for who He has for me.

But back to that weekend.  I realized that with this attitude, we are cutting God out of the process.  By dating online or going rogue like me--or truthfully, hooking up with any person you meet without seeking God, you are basically saying to God, "I don't need you."  There are plenty of people in unfulfilled relationships and marriages to the WRONG PERSON.  They have children, acquire things and assets, and then one day, reality sets in after the lust or strong like wears off, and they are 'stuck' with this person for life (or until the divorce papers are signed).  In some cases, these people cheat, lie, or do some other damaging behavior to this other person, all because they chose to omit God from their recruitment process and refused to allow God's work to be completed in them before adding another to the mixture.  Like I said, I don't limit this to online dating, because there are plenty of people that meet a guy on the street, at the club, or in the grocery store like I have, that end up unhappy outside of the will of God.  The effects of going outside of God's will are lasting.  Because what's left behind, is the soul tie and the remnant of that person, the damage they have done to you and you to yourself in the course of the relationship, the baggage they have created, that you carry with you to the next relationship.  It ultimately boils down to us being so impatient that we tell God, I got this on my own.  Because of free will, we can do that, and what we really end up doing is delaying God's plan for our lives from fully manifesting with the threat being we leave this life unfulfilled.  So, then your decision affects your future, and the lives of others indefinitely.  The sad part is that most people don't even think about the consequences.  

I know what you're thinking, its not that serious, right?  Yes, it is!  And in case you haven't guessed, this all stems from loneliness.  That discontentment you feel, its because you have been pushing God out and then choosing to fill it with some person or activity that causes you to get off track.  If you need to warm your bed, get a heating pad!  Ladies, keep your legs closed to every Joe Blow you meet and seek God about him.  He will make it crystal clear whether He is for you or not.  Fellas, everything that glitters ain't gold, and everything that looks good isn't right for consumption.  Hips WILL lie.  Loneliness is a direct product of not spending enough time with God.  Yes, we all need human companionship, because like we see above, God said it was not good for us to be alone!!  However, God only blessed Adam with Eve after Adam spent much time with God.  Adam was operating in his purpose, naming the animals, reigning and ruling over the Earth, and having regular kickbacks with God.  He was being who God created him to be.  Ask yourself, are your priorities in order?  Do you spend time with God?  A Max Lucado quote I love is "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that man should have to seek Him just to find her."

Your first solution to loneliness is to make the decision to trust God.  James tells us faith without works is dead.  Your work is to trust God and have faith that what He has for you, is for you, and those things you desire will come to pass.  Next, submit your every care and concern to Him.  That is trusting God with everything.  Your crazy family, your job, your finances, your hair...everything, even that desire to get married.  Lay it at His feet and let Him show you what to do.  Third, make it your daily desire to spend time with Him, so that you can get to know you for who you are called to be.  Fourth, if it is your desire to be married, ask God to make and teach you to be a spouse.   Or, if you just want to have friends--NOT a romantic relationship--ask God to make and teach you to be a friend.  Lastly, you have to be patient.  You have to trust God and wait.  Allow God to make you into the Proverbs 31 ladies, and men, allow God to teach you to love like Christ, to have the heart of David towards your future wife.  Your process may take a few weeks, a few months, or a year or more.  Allow God to work in you before you bring someone else into your life.  One thing I've learned from all of my married friends, is that marriage is work.  Make sure you are prepared for what that entails.  That is not simply knowing yourself, or who you think you are.  That means knowing God, so that you understand what it means to turn the other cheek.  That means knowing the Father so that you can be submissive (ladies don't run away from that word, lol).  That means trusting that whoever He removes in that process, whoever was holding you back from where He wants you to go.  

So whether this changes your mind or not, that is for you to decide.  I just wanted to share the truth with you.  Trust God for your mate.  Let's be clear here, you have to trust God with everything, your entire life.  If you are single, embrace your singleness for this season.  Do everything you never did.  Travel, go skydiving (coming soon!!), leave your dog at home and just go have fun and enjoy the beauty of being single.  Also, work hard and labor for the Lord so that you have established a solid relationship with Him when the time comes for you.  Because once it does, you can't just retreat in defeat.  You have to work hard and love even harder to keep your marriage.  The enemy is coming for marriages, for families, and for everything God created.  Why???  Because he hates us and evidences it by perverting everything God created.  So please stop microwaving your life.  One thing I've learned about microwave cooking, is that the main difference between it and cooking in the oven, is that the aroma, the sweet or savory smelling scent of whatever you're preparing, it does not last.  Seek lasting relationships, mainly the most important one.

You may wonder if I'm even qualified to say this stuff.  I've read plenty of 'self-help' books, and actually some great ones on dating as a Christian but the best advice was prayer and talking to God.  I have plenty of eye-witness accounts and first-hand experience of relationships gone bad...mistakes I made, decisions I regret, scenes I wish I could do over.  But alas, everything in its season and timing.  Cultivate your relationship with God in the interim...because He will make it plain as day who He has for you!

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.  Ecclesiastes 3:1

In My Right Mind

I wrote this almost three weeks ago.  I received confirmation to go forward in sharing the next afternoon, and even again that following Sunday.  And today after much prayer, I'm ready to share my secret.  The thing that caused me so much pain and confusion and heartache.  The thing that controlled me for most of my life...but by God's grace I am healed and delivered from those things.  This topic addresses incest and child molestation.  It is something that has crippled so many that walk around in private shame.  This is for all of the girls and boys like me, whose lives were forever changed by an act influenced by the spirits of perversion, bondage and lust.  These spirits have invaded marriages, families, and the Church, and have been so disruptive that people stop believing because people that are to reflect God instead succumb to the enemy's attacks against their mind.  Today, I challenge you to speak out to begin your healing and to forgive.  I challenge you to walk in your deliverance.  Because Jesus died, you are delivered!!!  In surrendering this and all your hurts, cares, and secret pains to Jesus, the final blow to the enemy's hold on your life has been delivered. 

Sorry for the sermon, lol, but please read on...God bless and I hope it blesses you!

"What is your name?" Jesus asked him." Legion," he said--because many demons had entered him. Luke 8:30

I never thought I would see the day that I would  be ready to share this.  But I never imagined I would be here in this place either.  Tonight I went to church.  On the first Sunday night, we have our monthly communion service.  I think it was fitting that I went today too, because after the last month, I was in need of remembering the blood of Jesus, why He died, and what He has done for me.  But God had a word for me there, even with the distraction of my neighbor taking pictures for Facebook and pictures of herself during the service (she had me take two pictures for her too, lol).

I recognized this text that I had long remembered.  For the whole text please read Luke 8:22-39.  In the past, I used this passage of scripture as my justification of why I do not eat pork (clearly I occasionally but unintentionally eat it now, because I know its not what I put in my body that makes me unclean, but that what comes out that makes me unclean, so eat on pork eaters! lol).  Legion means a very large number.  And this man in this passage, was possessed by a very large number of demons, so many that he was not in his right mind, and that he ran about naked, and that he had to be chained and fettered, and that he was found near the tombs, near the dead--the lifeless and the hopeless, dead dreams and visions.  

As I listened to the sermon, I realized so many things.  I had been battling with some revelations I had recently, but this one rang out clear for me.  It dawned on me, I knew what this man felt like.  

I knew what it felt like to be crazy.  I knew what it felt like to feel lifeless and that there was no hope.  I knew what it felt like to be naked--by being naked, I mean exposed and vulnerable as if all your faults were on display for the world to see.  I also know what it feels like to be delivered, and to now sit at the feet of Jesus, healed, delivered, and restored, in my right mind, and clothed--covered by the blood of Jesus.  So I know you are wondering, what made me crazy?  What possessed me that I had a legion of problems to drive me out of sanity?

We all have our crosses to bear.  I think I spent so much time carrying mine and trying to bear the crosses of others that when things fell down and the bottom fell out of my life, I was crushed under the pressure.  What made me crazy, was when my daddy died because it seemed to pull the scab off of a seeping wound.  What cross was I bearing--the pain of being molested as a little girl, among other things.  The pain of never talking about it, the guilt it caused, the shame, and the demons that came with it.  

I could have been a very different person, and if you want to know who, just look at your nearest street corner to imagine what could have been my fate.  I think about how God saved my life as a little girl at a very young age.  And I have my mom to thank for that.  She made sure my brothers and me were raised in the church.  So I met Jesus at a very young age.  It was not until I became an adult, and more recently until my father's death, that the 'legion of demons' were cast away from oppressing and tormenting me.  

I realize now I'm being vague.  How was I crazy?  Well, I thought that God didn't love me for allowing that to happen to me.  I thought that God didn't love me for taking my daddy and my cousin away from me.  I thought that God didn't love me for allowing me to get sick and keeping me alive.  I thought that God didn't love me because I was alone, and that I felt that no one would ever love me because of all my imperfections.  Those demons had me bound; seeking love in meaningless relationships out of lust and perversion--the perversity was simply a twisting of God's word, that I could make someone else love me by doing whatever they wanted instead of yielding to God who already loved me.  That legion were the spirits of lust, perversion, and bondage.  Because of it, I had a victim mentality and I was very angry too.  Angry that no one noticed, angry that I always had to hide it in shame and I was guilty because I hurt people because of my own hurt, and the even sadder fact was that I was oblivious to it or blocked it out.  I hurt my family, friends and myself--like the man possessed by Legion did.  He was bound for his own safety, but was he really safe?

And when Legion met Jesus, all that changed.  He went from being a captive in every sense of the word, to a free man; free to worship, free to praise, and free to walk in God's covering.

I was freed after my daddy died.  Ironic, right?  It took my daddy dying for me to be freed.  It took me losing him and my cousin, and almost my life, to truly gain life in Christ.  Free, to sit at His feet.  Freed from that guilt, that shame, that anger.  Free to forgive.  And now free to love others, and love them all unconditionally.

We all have a legion we are fighting against everyday.  But we can only be freed by meeting Jesus.  In meeting and accepting Jesus's gift of salvation, we are reborn--re-clothed in righteousness, healing, and love.  Our minds are renewed through daily surrender to Jesus, in our acceptance of His grace and mercy.  I can really say I'm in my right mind today.  Of course, I have slip ups if I do not renew my mind and guard it since that is how the enemy can take us captive if we are not on guard.  I think about how my life has changed dramatically since I met Jesus, since I truly came to know Him for myself.  I like this Marquita a whole lot better than the other one.  Yes, I still have much work to do but as long as I surrender to God and remain at His feet--in prayer, praise, and worship--I'll keep making progress.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2EGirG9zz0

I share this song with you.  My co-pastor is Bishop Paul S. Morton and this song is on his latest album.  As I sang along tonight, it gave me peace.  I no longer feel bound by that hurt and the myriad of emotions associated with those things.  I encourage you right now, that whatever storms you are facing whether it is that legion of problems that is trying to call you out of your position of faith or those demons that are trying to condemn you, to call on the name of Jesus and He will free you.  I just realized that the verses where Jesus stills the storm are in the very first few scriptures before the ones pertaining to the demon-possessed man (verses 22-25 I shared above) and this is so perfect here.  Call on Jesus to still the storms of your life and to guide you through them.  I will not say that it is going be easy, but the beauty of being in your right mind is that you can see clearly and that you can trust Jesus and the freedom that He gives.  One of the things that Bishop pointed out was the nature of that man's community--how they were accepting of his mental state and inherent possession and that they were afraid when he was delivered.  Maybe your friends and family will not appreciate what God is doing in your life right now, but if you will simply sit at Jesus's feet and rest there, He will give you peace and joy there regardless of the storms that surround you.  Like that man--no longer Legion--you will be able to return home and rejoice, testifying of the goodness of God that is evident in your life.  And that light that you will bear, will change those around you.

I love you guys!

"Return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you." So he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city what great things Jesus had done for him.  Luke 8:39

YouTube - Videos from this email

Is it Good for Something?

"The young lions suffer want and hunger: but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."  Psalm 34:10

I have been having the most difficult struggle with being away from my friends and loved ones.  But I finally realized today that it is good for me to be here in this season.  Of most importance right now, I have been able to learn to focus on the immediate task.  Because the only distractions here in New Orleans for me are my raging thoughts.  One thought will have me listening to a song while I am attempting to study and that will lead me to run off and do something else completely unrelated, with me accomplishing nothing or my overall productivity greatly diminished.  I have learned to step outside of my comfortable walls and go to a coffee shop so that all the distractions around me somehow quiet my mind so that I am able to get work done.

So, I read this scripture today.  I have been reading the 34th Psalm almost daily as a part of this devotion I signed up for.  And today as I read it during a work break, this scripture stood out to me as another popped into my head.  Then I asked myself, if I am seeking God, and He withholds no good thing from me,  maybe it is not good for me to be close to my family and friends right now.  And that thought brought tears to my eyes as I would want nothing greater than to be close to home.  Today I thought of that as I talked to my brother and my niece.  She's talking, still gibberish but its getting clearer.  As my brother told me about her, my heart became heavy because I want nothing more than to spend time with her and be closer to my family.  Even this year will be the first year that I will not be going home for Thanksgiving.  I'm 28 years old and this will be my first time away from home and my loved ones on Thanksgiving.  I asked God what was the purpose in all of this, why I am I being isolated like this.  So I assume this scripture was the result of that prayer.

Sometimes, we go through periods of isolation.  It is often during these periods of isolation that we go through our greatest spiritual growth spurts.  I went through one last year, but this one is even harder because I honestly hate being here.  I recognize there are a lot of ways about me that still need to be cleaned up, and I think at this point, maybe I have been running away from the things God wants me to do for too long now.

This even made me think about the things I want really bad...like to move back to Atlanta and to get married!  I can no longer deny the fact that Mother Nature and her clock has me desiring to have a family of my own...but all I have is Parker.  lol.  This scripture made me think of this too, and maybe what I want is not good for me, well at least right now.  Then I thought a little deeper, have my pursuits of these things, like moving closer to home and applying for jobs, spending time with friends and family, and even desiring to get married (mainly unsuccessful dating attempts since I have been here) kept me from seeking God?  Because maybe it is me, my thoughts and the actions that result from them that are keeping me from having what I want.  The things I want are good things...but if I meditate and focus on them too much, they can become idols which of course will serve to sever my bond with God.  I wouldn't seek Him as diligently in prayer, I would be neglecting Him.

So this sometimes happens to us in life, God seemingly strips away all those things of value to us, to get us to Himself, so that we can put things in proper perspective.  I've been going back and forth about being here in New Orleans.  I really want to leave, but I do now realize that being here is good for something...for me to draw closer to God and seek Him ever more intently.  Maybe the source of the storm has been within me all along...holding on to those things that remind me of who I used to be instead of accepting who I am becoming.  In doing that, I have been resisting being here this second year so far, wanting to leave to go back to what was old and comfortable.  The truth is, I seriously contemplated transferring from Clark to Clemson...but staying in Atlanta and yielding to God was one of the best decisions I ever made.  Perhaps it is God's will for me to stick it out till I graduate from law school, maybe it isn't.  At any rate, I will seek Him more, so that when I am released from here (prayerfully soon), those things I currently lack will be exactly as He wants them to be when its time for me to receive them.

Yield now and be at peace with Him; Thereby good will come to you.  Job 22:21

The Patience Lesson

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

I regret the day I prayed for patience.  I frequently say how much I despise the word.  I really do.  I would be lying if I said I didn't.  But I say this in honesty because I have learned so many lessons about life and myself.  From my dealings with others, to how I view myself, patience has made all the difference.

I was angry today because a pastor I follow was judging women who are saved for how they dress--because they have not quite gotten to where she is.  I had a conversation pertaining to this type of judgment a few weeks ago with a pastor about my own experiences with it and how I have learned that it takes time for God's works to be completed.  It was apparent to me that these people forgot that God didn't deliver them overnight; they told me themselves.  The scripture above confirms that!  You see, I wasn't always this way.  I was much different and even though I still have a long way to go, I have made progress which directly reflects God's hand on my life.  I still have some very marked flaws but I trust those to God too.  That has been one of my struggles lately, wondering how God is going to get me from here, the place I am in mentally, physically, and spiritually to where He wants me to be.  And it rang out, patience, trust the process and allow yourself to be prepared.  Likewise, people, including clergy, sometimes forget the process that God took them through to get where they are.  I was guilty of this when I was a baby Christian.  I wanted my boyfriend at the time, my friends, and family to all get to where I felt I was in my walk.  But God showed me that I still had more growing to do.  So the next time you judge that lady in church for her tight pants and cleavage in church, although distracting if your mind isn't focused on getting the word, remember she is not where you think you are, and God invites us to come to Him as we are, imperfections and all.  Because He is more than patient with us all, right?

Patience is the product of suffering and trials.  It teaches us to endure, and endure in faith.  It strengthens our faith muscles, much like push-ups and squats build muscles.  But you can't work out once and expect to lift cars!  You must be patient--and endure.  God has been drilling me in this lesson for the last 4 years.  Everything I desire: healing and deliverance from medications, marriage and children, debt freedom, and now to become a judge...I have to patiently endure the process necessary for all of this.  While I know I don't have it 100% mastered, patience has taught me to trust God and cleave to Him to have the faith necessary to keep believing that the things I want in life will manifest.  

I think the most beautiful lesson I've learned in all of this is that as long I as trust God for what He has shown me, no matter what, I will have those things.  And the reward of patience is knowing God more intimately.  To endure and persevere for His promises causes you to draw nearer to Him.  And its in the drawing nearer to Him that you are transformed and changed.  You gain the intimacy of relationship with God and its there in that intimacy that you learn to walk in those things He has promised you--you walk in your healing, you walk in your favor, you walk in your deliverance.  You expect your spouse, you await those children, and you can endure in peace and joy.  I'm getting there, because it has been tough enduring for me.  I have had to overcome myself and the things that have come against what I want.  But I see how God has changed me and those around me, and I can rest in knowing that its simply a matter of time before my desires make their appearance.

So the next time you feel judged, remember two things, God isn't through with you yet and just like they judge you, God will judge them.  Let patience have its work in you and your life.

But patience will have a complete work for itself that you would be perfected and complete, and that you would be lacking nothing.  James 1:4

So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.  Galatians 6:9

Chocolate Milk

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.  1 Peter 2:2-3

I really feel like I have the most non-random, random encounters of God. (There are NO coincidences, haha.)  So let me explain.

I was dropping off a friend of my friend after finishing getting my hair done.  He is a make-up artist and we talked on the way, about how he came to be in Atlanta, and what is his ultimate goal.  At some point in the conversation, he asked me what is my sign.  I said huh because I wasn't totally listening at that very moment, and he repeated it.  I replied, "oh, I'm a Cancer."  He then told me I have sweet spirit but can be crabby.  I burst out laughing because its true.  Then I thought about how a lot of stuff astrology and horoscopes have to say about people born around my time of the year are true.  Then somewhere in those thoughts and words buzzing around my head, God spoke to me about how religion and spirituality are now flavored or enhanced by these things that are not of God.  Growing up, I LOVED to drink chocolate and strawberry milk.  So it dawned on me: pure milk is what we need, but chocolate milk is what we want, and subsequently drink. 

Nowadays, in many churches, in many homes, and in many of the minds of the masses, there are beliefs that are not biblically based or that are variations of the word of God.  From Christian denominational traditions to the mainstream inclusion of astrology, voodoo, witchcraft, and other religions and New Age movements as parts of our everyday life and personal belief systems, there are many things that are flavoring the pure milk.  Sure, you may still be getting milk, but at what cost?  What are you sacrificing--are you getting whole milk, that full fat, pure milk of the Lord, or are you getting skim milk or 2% milk?  What are you adding to it?  What has been taken away from it?

I don't know why that stuck out in my mind.  I guess to show how we are easily deceived and make things 'doctrinal' that really should not be.  Or maybe to show how easily we get caught up in worldly things, flavoring that milk, until there is no longer any milk left, but the damaged caused by the additives.  Case in point, when we don't truly know the word of God, we get confused...and I hope you know that the enemy is the author of confusion, seeking to corrupt us all and damn us to eternity separate from the Father.

We are susceptible to it because of the society we live in.  We get caught up in them because they sound better than what the Bible tells us to do: making it wrong to offer correction to a brother or sister in Christ and right to encourage their downfall.  Religious freedom and tolerance allow for a variety of belief systems to flourish.  As a result, strangely enough, this tolerance promotes religious swirling.  By swirling I mean many churches and religious figures add a little bit of this and a little bit of that to get more people through the doors, and the more that happens, the more watered down the Word will be.  It is my hope that God corrects that in me, that I always accurately represent Him to the world and I pray you the same!

So I ask you today to ask yourself, are you getting pure milk?  Are you taking what you hear at face value because the preacher, or your teacher, or your friends, or your mom said it?  Or are you studying the Word for yourself, spending time with God for yourself, and praying, so that you can adequately test those things that come along--because they most surely will--and discerning for yourself through the help of the Holy Spirit, that which is truth?  Be careful, be leery, because all it takes is a turn off, a omitted word, or a rearrangement of the words, as the serpent did with Eve, to fall.  And if it sounds good and tastes kind of sweet, you might be getting some chocolate powder added to your milk!

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"  2The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "  4"You will not certainly die," the serpent said to the woman. 5"For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."  6When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.  Genesis 3:1-7