Go and Make Amends

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings."

‭‭Mark‬ ‭11:25-26‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Often in the forgiveness cycle, we hope and wish that those who have wronged us will come to us and ask our forgiveness so that we can forgive them. But as I've learned and perhaps you've heard, forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you to move on. 

However, if you're intuitive and seek God to reveal ways and areas you need to improve, He will burden your heart before you go to bed, sometimes days on end lol, to let things go and right your wrongs. What's even funnier is that I've been asking God to reveal to me situations that I need to release and let go that are holding me back as part of my letting go and releasing meditation series this month.

I know of several situations where I've felt wronged, but two in particular come to mind tonight. In both of the situations, I feel my views were validated and that I was entitled to how I handled the situations. These are clear situations where I need to let go of the wrongs I perceived.  Because contrary to popular belief, perception IS NOT reality. What you perceive to be true is often the farthest thing from the truth. And now I understand why God pressed my heart so heavily about communication earlier today. Communication kills all the speculation. When you go directly to the source and talk about your issues instead of allowing your insecurities and pride to lead you astray, you can fix the issue. Nip it in the butt. Kill it. And on the other hand, the origins of the wrong, whether rooted in someone else's insecurities or pride, is not for you to fix, but for you to turn over to God as part of your forgiveness and release of the situation. 

You have to ask yourself, is holding on to your self-preserving, prideful view of the situation where you have been wronged worth allowing the devil to win and permanently poison the potential of the relationship?

I don't know about you, but the first part of these scriptures, Mark 11:22-24, carry a heavy mantle that I claim as my own. The only condition of receiving this mantle is to forgive. So today, forgive and let it go!

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Touching the Only One Who Matters

"And there was a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years, And who had endured much suffering under [the hands of] many physicians and had spent all that she had, and was no better but instead grew worse. She had heard the reports concerning Jesus, and she came up behind Him in the throng and touched His garment, For she kept saying, If I only touch His garments, I shall be restored to health. And immediately her flow of blood was dried up at the source, and [suddenly] she felt in her body that she was healed of her [distressing] ailment. And Jesus, recognizing in Himself that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth, turned around immediately in the crowd and said, Who touched My clothes? And the disciples kept saying to Him, You see the crowd pressing hard around You from all sides, and You ask, Who touched Me? Still He kept looking around to see her who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had been done for her, though alarmed and frightened and trembling, fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease."

‭‭Mark‬ ‭5:25-34‬ ‭AMP‬‬

I signed up for this reading plan on the Bible app called Imaginitive Contemplation. This reading plan is based on a practice of guided prayer by the Jesuits. My first law school was Jesuit and I wish I had the opportunity to go on one of the silent prayer retreats now...I may find one. This plan has been a tremendous blessing to me, especially today. I'm grateful because in signing up, I found another app named Abide that does guided prayer which will be helpful since I've been doing guided prayer meditations lately outside of this!

So each prayer in the plan is about 15 minutes or so and includes meditation music, the scriptural focus, and a guided direction through the scriptures as if you were there.  In the entry today for the woman with the issue of blood, I found myself in tears because I was able to relate to her story.  I know what it's like seeking healing and being given diagnosis after diagnosis. I know what it's like going to one doctor that's dead set on a treatment plan that may not have been the best for you and you ending up worse. I know what's it's like to feel you've reached the end of your rope. 

So as the speaker led me through the prayer, I saw myself as this woman. I pushed through the crowd, trying to get to Jesus. No number of excuse me's would get me through them. I became indignant because reaching Him was my only chance, my last chance for healing. I finally realized that I spent so much time seeking everything else, relationships, career, dreams, and healing but I did not seek Him.  Once I left all these things at His feet and began to seek Him, I was able to reach Him. Then He turned around and acknowledged me, restored me, validated me, and has still been loving me in miraculous ways. 

After that experience, the love I felt and the love I've experienced these last two months made me realize why God went to such great lengths to get me to surrender. Now instead of wondering what will happen, I know and don't question without a doubt that what God has spoken to me will happen. I don't look at my journey as a curse anymore. I don't question God's love for me. I have things I'm uncertain of but I trust that it will all work out for my good. We all have different roads in life but we all need God. Instead of looking to things and people, today, reach to the one the matters the most, finding in Him everything you need.

"And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease."

‭‭Mark‬ ‭5:34‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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Are You Sinking, Walking, or Looking from the Boat?

22Immediately He made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowds. 23After dismissing the crowds, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. When evening came, He was there alone. 24But the boat was already over a mile from land, battered by the waves, because the wind was against them. 25Around three in the morning, He came toward them walking on the sea. 26When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified. "It's a ghost! " they said, and cried out in fear.

27Immediately Jesus spoke to them. "Have courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

28"Lord, if it's You," Peter answered Him, "command me to come to You on the water."

29"Come! " He said.

And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the strength of the wind, he was afraid. And beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me! "

31Immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt? " 32When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33Then those in the boat worshiped Him and said, "Truly You are the Son of God! "  Matthew 14:22-33

This weekend I had a "Come to Jesus" moment with myself about the current direction of my career and things I would like to be doing in the near future here. I can't do the things I'd like to do right now technically because I haven't allowed myself to be challenged.  I have to thank my linesister Janelle for a recent post of hers that has stuck in my mind...I need to be willing to lose some sleep for these things I want to do.  I realized in a great conversation with another of my Sorority sisters this past Sunday that I really needed to apply some great tidbits I took from an article I read, most notable the paraphrase below:  

"You should switch jobs after you've learned all you need to know."

I honestly asked myself if I knew all I needed to know...and I could definitely say no. So I had to pray.  I know I'm to be here for a while longer so I need to get all I can.  This relates to my dear friend Peter because in this story there are 4 types of people and I need to pick who I am in this season.  Being that I have a picture of a woman walking on water on my vision board with the words "Have Walk On Water Faith" written by my own hand beside it, I need to be like Peter when he got out of the boat and walked on the water and aspire to be like Jesus -- who confidently stood on the water as Peter walked.  So I felt led to share with all of you the insights I gathered from the different people present, and after looking at this list, determine who you are.

First, there is Jesus.  Jesus is fully assured of His identity, of His sonship, of His personage and all his capabilities.  As this relates to work, Jesus knew what He could and could not do.  He had a detailed plan for each day as a result of His deliberate stealing away to pray and putting into action what He saw the Father doing (John 5:19). Ask yourself, do you have a to-do list? Do you have a predetermined goal or thing you'd like to accomplish for your day? Do you focus on one task and execute it?  Many times, I've had several goals, been distracted and ended the day without having completed any of it.  Jesus was methodical, even if unorthodox, but He completed everything He had intended to do.  Have you accomplished the goal? Learned all you can learn?

Next, there is bold, get out of the boat and walk Peter.  This Peter is a G (lolol).  He gets up in the middle of the storm, gets out of the boat and begins to walk. In layman's terms, he makes up his mind, sets a goal, puts it in front of him to be his focus and gets to it.  He aims at his target, and shoots. Have you gotten out of the boat? Have you set a goal? Have you put processes and mechanisms in place to achieve that goal? Do you have a plan? Have you made peace with that plan and decided to charge full speed ahead?  I've done this many times.  I am the queen of planning and goal setting.  I get excited by having things to aspire to.  I set the plan in motion and make calls, get things going. I take the initiative to learn all I can. So be honest with yourself. Have you stepped up to the plate?

Then, there is flee in the face of danger Peter.  This Peter is a wuss (albeit in his defense, I probably would have been a wuss too walking on water in the middle of the sea).  You see, the storms that rose up on the Sea of Galilee where pretty much like our hurricanes.  The conditions around Galilee were perfect for trapping in cross winds and would cause the water to have pretty good chop; it's easy to understand and rationalize how Peter became scared and began to sink, especially when the scriptures tell us the conditions were already rough.  The one good thing to note here, is that although Peter momentarily took his eyes off Jesus, HE KNEW WHO TO ASK FOR HELP.  So I ask you, do you know who to go to for help? At work, do you know who has what you need -- have you built a relationship with that person so that you can go to them to understand and to learn? Do you have a mentor?  Do you have working relationships with the right people? In your relationships, are you seeking counsel from wise, mature Christians? Have you looked to the Bible for direction and insight? Spiritually, have you cried out to God and been honest? Have you asked Him to open your eyes, to show you yourself? To help you get back on track?  I am proud to say I did that yesterday. I reached out to my tech lead and one of the other senior developers to get some direction so that I can get where I need to be as a senior developer.  Although I am grateful that God favored me and my collective skillset, because it was His favor that qualifies me for the blessings I have, I want to be a good steward over all He has given me and do my best here and in every situation and season I face.  God has given us all talents according to what we are capable of (Matthew 25:14-28) and I want to be like the servant with the 10 talents! This morning, another reading I had mentioned this passage, and what stood out there is that Jesus does not say Peter had no faith, but little faith. So he had some faith that could be exercised and could grow.  Don't doubt yourself today!

Lastly, there are the other disciples who stayed in the boat! They didn't even have faith enough to try and get out of the boat. What ideas are you sitting on -- better yet, what money are you sitting on? What things do you want to do that you simply lack the courage to try? What relationships do you want to cultivate, but are too scared to make the connection? Let me put it to you like this: what blessings are you keeping yourself from? I was this person back in 2011.  I felt like I was sinking and drowning here in Charleston. I wasn't growing, or at least I wasn't growing as quickly as I wanted to grow. I wasn't pursuing my dreams. God really loves using my sorority sisters I see lol.  I had a conversation with my Fav that helped to shift my perspective and change how I saw myself. From there I put the plan I already had in action.  It was then that I got out of the boat and began going after what I wanted to do, namely moving and law school (which I'm gonna finish in due season!).  So I ask, what is waiting on you outside of the boat?

I took my first step yesterday and actually asked for constructive criticism and ways to go forward in my current line of work...today I received them and have already begun to get to it. I love programming and I always have; I may sorta be like an addict because I love the excitement I get from solving problems, especially as a programmer (bka Programmer's High lol).  I have several plans in the incubator and one of the ways I can nurture them into the manifested stage is by taking full advantage of the blessing I have in my current job.  I have to thank God for putting me in a place that I can easily step out of the boat, knowing I'm surrounded by His love.

Today I encourage you to stop sinking and walk on the water, or at least wade while you get the faith to walk. Don't look with envy from the boat.

"Lord, if it's You," Peter answered Him, "command me to come to You on the water."  "Come! " He said.  And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus.  Matthew 14:28-29

Revived in the Fight

"This is my comfort and consolation in my affliction: that Your word has revived me and given me life. [Rom. 15:4.]"

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭119:50‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Today was a beautiful day...but it didn't start that way for me. I began a prayer challenge almost two weeks ago, or rather a period of warring in prayer. Every other challenge has been amazing, but this one hasn't been. If I'm honest, it has actually been very difficult. Why? God has called me to pray for some heavy things. Things that require a greater level of faith...people who I haven't had to pray for in a while...things I don't want to do!  But I fully accept the challenge now.

I knew it was different because I haven't been getting rest. I've been tired when I wake up. I was sick last week and I have been trying to shake it off. God reminded me that the devil loves to attack us when we are physically weary so I knew I needed to get rested in some way. But it alerted me to the seriousness of my prayer requests...the lives at stake, the destinies in jeopardy, the promises on the verge of abortion, the futures that were going to be miscarried.  So I committed to pray harder, seeking more scriptures and rededicating myself to warring in prayer as an intercessor.  Then this morning I just knew I needed to get up off my humps and go home. I wanted to go to my home church but I just couldn't get myself to leave. I listened to the live streaming of my church in New Orleans and God began His spiritual IV for one area of my prayers in that service.

So I had planned to go see War Room yesterday but the line at the movie theater was too long. So I planned to go after leaving the grocery store and unpacking the groceries. When I got in, I began to cook and it just didn't happen so I planned to go today.

So back to today...I just knew I needed to get home.  It began raining at 11:15am or so. So even in the rain, I drove home. I wanted to go to the movie at 5:00...but I didn't get to Columbia until 5:15, with the rain and almost running out of gas 😅.  I knew I had to see the movie today though. I started crying while watching my streaming service because they showed the preview of the movie and the Spirit hit me then.  

So when I finally saw it...it was waves of confirmation and caused me so many tears. Literally everything they mentioned in the movie were things I was already doing. I already pray for my future husband daily, I documented answered prayer via a prayer journal I had, I had a set apart area for prayer (well in New Orleans...and in my room recently)...the things I abandoned, I saw today that I needed to revive these practices. 

Maybe you've seen the movie, but it did for me what I needed today. It revived me. It gave me a divine surge of faith and encouragement to get back to God and the faith practices I had previously. It helped me to see the need to be so focused on God that you aren't overtaken by the distractions the enemy sends.  This morning I was overwhelmed spiritually...now I'm ready to keep pressing. I'm ready to speak life to dead things in my life and in the lives of those I'm assigned to pray for right now. I have many prayer requests that I've turned over to Him but I need to combine the prayers with faith and go the extra mile by backing them with scripture.

Like these scriptures say, I've been quickened by His word and I've been revived. Funny thing, this past week was revival at my home church. God spoke revival to me earlier this year and I believe today He revived some things for me and for those that saw the movie. Intercession is difficult at times because it requires a bearing down and a pressing. It requires the persistence of the Persistent Widow (Luke 18) and the bold faith and the audacity of the importune neighbor(Luke 11). It reminded me exactly what the prayer challenge is supposed to do. 

God has reminded me of storms a lot lately...and the kind of authority it takes to speak to a storm. Intercession is praying before the storm, in the midst and after the storm. It's holding God at His word for what He said. It's taking God back His word and demanding the obstacles submit to the truth of who God is. He was speaking to me today and for this season to stand up and remember who I am. Today I encourage you to be revived and remember who you are. 

I love you and I'm praying for you. If there is something specific you'd like prayer for, please message me at lifeinspiredbygod@gmail.com and I'll add you to my prayer list. Be revived!!

"I will never forget Your precepts, [how can I?] for it is by them You have quickened me (granted me life)."

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭119:93‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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Get A Word For You

***I wrote this on Friday!***

Many times I've found myself looking for a word for somebody...especially when they are going through or needing encouragement. I've even gotten to a place now of accepting that my struggles and battles aren't my own.

But today, after a great many things have drained me over the course of this week, I listened to God's words to my heart and got a word for me. 

I began reading a devotional - Character of a Leader - and today's readings spoke of Great Leaders and Authority.  Although the reading was excellent, and definitely something I'll apply at work and in all my endeavors, the word for me was in the highlighted verse.  Matthew 8:26.

It reminded me that even in the storms of life, I can have peace. It reminded me that even when I'm serving others and possibly going through, being tormented or tested in my own life, I can have a perfect peaceableness. Because I submit to God and  I trust in the authority of Jesus, I can rest and go through the storms of life with confidence. That was the word for me today. That with everything going on, getting pulled in every which way, be still and remember who has the authority. Trust in Him, rest in Him and be assured that God within me will get me through and has empowered me to speak to the storms. 

Don't be so busy that you don't submit to God for your daily dose. Don't get so lost that you find yourself drowning. Invite Him in and get your word. 

Take A Risk

Hey y'all!

To be honest I can't tell you the last time I wrote for Straight No Chaser...but I felt it in my heart this morning as I was reflecting before beginning my day that I needed to bridge my two "personas" --my two blogs by sharing my journey over the last 2 months, and honestly the last 8 months.  

Straight No Chaser began last year almost as a joke and a platform for me primarily and a few friends to give advice on life/career and relationships.  Yet I knew I've always had a purpose in advising people to find the right solution for their problems...I'll be beginning life coaching soon!  With Life Inspired By God, the vision for writing was given to me in 2009 during a dream about my calling.  Since then, I healed from my deep rooted wounds by sharing my testimony with a biblical lesson.  It's my first baby and will always hold a place in my heart.  So to begin, my purpose in writing tonight is to encourage all of you to take a risk.  Here is my testimony.

At the beginning of this year, I undertook the challenge of finding a single word to guide my year.  It was quite a challenge, I'll say the least.  To squeeze your entire existence for the year into one word...on first thought was unheard of and unfathomable for me.  But as I began to "LIVE", for the first time in my life I began to understand all of the many definitions I wrote for the word.  I went from confirming the lessons I learned in evaluating relationships and friendships, to dealing with codependency issues, to shutting my mouth all the way down (from Loose Lips Lucy to Silent Bob), to sharing daily lessons before I hit the life-altering 30, to sharing secrets from being molested, to trying veganism, to "making miracles" by practicing gratefulness, to now finishing an 8 week journey to call in the "one" (wink wink) and truthfully manifest love in every area of my life.  I've probably read about 30 books so far (I'm stretching it a tad...maybe about 10 or 15 books...I honestly don't know.  But this was all possible because I took a risk, or rather a chance on myself.  I decided to sit out of law school this year.  Rather than be go, go, go Quita (SNC y'all know me as Sasha 😘) I decided to completely trust God to show me the way.

So these last 8 weeks between the gratefulness lists and the daily readings and weekly calls for Calling In the One, I've done a lot of changing.  I regularly meditate as part of my daily prayer time.  I maintain some form of physical activity every day.  I keep it all the way 100 with myself by acknowledging my feelings. My life has been in a constant state of change and transition. But my journey has been beautiful.  I don't think I've cried this much since I was younger, but it's been to shed the old skin, or as the Bible says, have new skin for the new wine.  

Like I said I've challenged myself...I've started dating again (whoo hooo 😱😝) and I've gotten to know me in ways I never knew myself.  I smile more, I'm happier because I've truly spent the last 8 weeks being grateful every day and realizing I do have a lot to be grateful for.  While all of the shifts have been traumatic, they were necessary risks.  

Before I turned 30, I prayed about this next decade and what it would hold for me. I know now to never say never and that adventure is on the other side of the door if you open it.  I prayed to be prepared for love and who knew just being honest about your feelings and being grateful and letting go of some old garbage you were unaware you were still holding would pave the way for that.  I'm not saying I met my husband, maybe I did and am unaware...but I took a risk to live and have allowed love to be my life supply.  

So my point in sharing tonight was to do a few things: 1) link my blog readership (I needed to revive my babies lol), 2) be transparent and merge all of me into one pretty unique box, and 3) to challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone.  Ironically enough, I've been seeing "get comfortable being uncomfortable" so much I know I'm talking to myself!  But seriously, take a chance on you. Whether it's doing some intensive healing, picking one word that is the overarching focus of your life for the year (seriously look up "My One Word" -- its been a huge blessing to my life, goodbye New Year's Resolutions!!), pursuing a dream wholeheartedly, or taking the journey to receive true love (whether he's a good friend, or she's the last woman on earth you could imagine yourself with), do yourself a solid  and choose you.  Choose you...by taking a risk and doing something that could change the entire trajectory of your life.  Choose you by putting things in proper perspective.  Choose you and live the life you have, not allowing it to pass you by like a bullet train.  

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take...so take one now!

Love Is

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.  1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi everybody! I pray you all are blessed. I had initially thought to record this...but I'm in no condition to do that right now. So let's jump right in.

Over 5 years ago, on March 22, 2010, I was home in Columbia, at Richland Memorial Hospital with my family, in a chapel.  Hours before, my momma and I were home praying.  Doctors called us that morning and told us that my daddy was almost gone.  My momma couldn't make the decision to take him off life support.  God spoke to my heart that day to speak from 1 Corinthians 13.  I only read the chapter and I knew what God wanted me to say.  I spoke that day in front of family and friends with my momma behind me about how God had taught how to love by witnessing His faithfulness through the love my parents had, even up until my daddy's death.  And God gave us the greatest gift in seeing my daddy kiss my mom one last time.  Shortly afterwards, he took his last breath.

Fast forward 5 years and 5 months later to today, August 22, 2015.  I've spent the last 8 weeks learning about love, or rather, identifying the things that have come to block me from receiving love.  God had me on a whirlwind journey...meditating, praying, drawing, coloring, singing, dancing, sitting on the beach, just getting to the depths of myself so that He could open me up to receive His love.  I realized the one thing I wasn't doing all these years was actually allowing someone to love me, to be vulnerable, to need someone else. Hindsight is 20/20, so I see He put me right in the places where I would  need other people, where I would be reliant on people for shelter, for peace of mind, for unconditional love, specifically right now.  And as this is the last week of my course, God saw fit to gift wrap all this with a bow.  

Along this journey, I've pulled down strongholds and lies, given up my worries to God and left them in a box for Him to handle.  It began in 2011 with God taking away that intense anger I had by teaching me to forgive. But this process took me deeper and did a cleansing, repairing and healing work in my heart.  This week, before I could even speak it aloud, He answered some of those prayers. During this time, He helped me to feel, to breathe, to understand, to not feel judged, to not question myself, and to actually live.  I'm no longer consumed with getting married because I know it will happen.  I'm no longer afraid to get married, for fear of marrying the wrong person or failing at marriage because God has freed me from that fear.  I no longer fear making the wrong decisions because I know enough to take everything to God in prayer and to trust that the answer will come and be revealed in its due season.  I know enough that God did not give me these dreams I have in vain, because He knew He could trust me with them.  So this week, God answered countless prayers, but He answered one in a way I never imagined.

I woke up 4:35 on Thursday am.  I normally wake up to go the bathroom, but this time was different.  So I prayed in the Spirit and fell back asleep.  When I finally woke up, I literally wondered why God woke me up and went along my day.  By some bizarre occurrence, the power went out at work and knocked our internet off.  I went to the restroom and came back and was told to work from home.  I lingered for a moment and left.  I thought to go to Starbucks but instead came to my brothers.  I got there as my sister in law pulled up.  I came inside and sat downstairs.  My little brother got home shortly afterwards. Then I got a message from my mom...a video she found of my daddy playing with Parker.  This was from 2009...they used to keep Parker for me while I traveled for work.  I hadn't seen him really alive like that since then...because he began slipping away from us at the end of 2009.  It was raining, and I was supposed to see my friend to the airport so I couldn't leave.  God made sure I was in a safe place, around love, to see my daddy again, to cry and laugh.

As I think about this week, and well the last 8 weeks since I've been 30 and if I'm real, this entire year so far, God has gone above and beyond to love me.  Oh how He loves me, let me count the ways, lol...

Love is having me release the secret shame of being molested as a child and being able to minister to someone who experienced the same thing growing up immediately after.  Love is having me "make miracles" by being grateful for every feeling I experienced and basically getting out of His way for Him to do the heavy lifting and moving...I actually began this at the beginning of the year with my happiness jar and took it further with Project Miracles. Love is having me spend the days up to my 30th birthday acknowledging and sharing the lessons He taught me, with it culminating by my releasing 7 white balloons at the ocean.  Love is God answering the prayers I prayed the 40 days prior to my birthday in a way only He could.  Love is leading me to do 10 days vegan towards the end of those 21 days and me losing the weight I had been trying to lose the previous 4 months, even after not being able to work out due to doctor's orders.  Love is me going to Cancun and losing my phone and finding it after trusting His voice that I would, including having complete strangers and my linesisters help me look.  

Love is me sharing my testimony with people I know and strangers I don't via videos and in person and being okay with it.  Love is me acknowledging my feelings and letting go of someone I loved that didn't know my worth.  Love is me forgiving those who've hurt and betrayed me.  Love is empowering me to apologize to those I've hurt and restoring friendships.  Love is seeing God answer my prayers for my family before my eyes.  Love is my being told this week that I don't have to look for a job, should I decide to return to Atlanta, that they will find one for me.  Love is going to an event for my dream company and receiving yet another shot at possibly working there and an unexpected gift. 

Love is God manifesting everything I've prayed about by moving the mountains of bitterness in my heart.  Love is God having me in a place spiritually where the very ones who hurt me the worse are people I am willing to accept back into my life--not because of guilt, but because I am healed and I know that I'm a different person so they cannot treat me the same.  Love is recognizing the different people in your life and not forcing them to be more than they are.  Love is recognizing when seasons and relationships change and still wanting the best for those people. Love is being all of you with no apologies and loving it.

Love is my going to the kidney doctor last week and my kidney function and vitals being the highest they have ever been in the last nearly 10 years, probably longer...in that alone, He reminded me of my prayers and faith for complete healing and that He is healing me.  Love is my spending last weekend with my family and having the best time of my life, laughing and dancing at the wedding with my best friend, then Sunday getting soaked at Frankie's for my niece's 3rd birthday.  Love is seeing my niece's face light up over her birthday gifts.  Love is my baby niece running to me to hug me or giving me a kiss every time she sees me.  Love is the healing laughter we shared as a family on Sunday.  Love is God answering my mom's prayer to hear my daddy's voice again...and mine to see him again.  Love is knowing that God has positioned me to do just what He put in my heart to do.  Love is knowing I don't have to compromise at all, neither God's instructions to me nor my desires.  Love is manifested in answered prayer.  Love is God answering my childhood prayers for a sister with two particularly special women and a host of others.  Love is telling me its not too late to do those things I love.  Love is receiving wisdom and sharing it.  Love is taking your power back and recognizing it's not you but them. Love is accepting God's correction to make you better and knowing the difference between His correction and someone's criticism.  Love is having healthy boundaries.  Love is listening intently to just listen versus to respond or have the last word.  Love is being humble. Love is being open to receive Love however God chooses to send it.  Love is telling me to endure.  Love is knowing that this isn't even the half of what God has for me. Love is being alive and living outside of your box to see the abundance and limitlessness of God's love in all its splendor.

I've learned what love is not.  Love is not controlling things or attempting to control or manipulate people, hiding yourself, ignoring your feelings.   Love is not forcing your views on a person (1 Cor 13:5) or trying to make them change, but instead loving them as they are, even if they never change.  Love is seeing who they will be, and praying that God brings them forward, but loving them right where they are anyway.  Love is not rushing them to heal. Love is not holding on to frustrations with people but instead trusting them to the only person who can do something about them.  Love is not painful, but people can cause pain.  Love is not ugly, but when you look at it through the wrong lens, the picture in front of you can be distorted.  For so many years, for me love was distorted and painful.  Love was lonely.  Love hurt.  But thank God for new beginnings, healing, and restoration.

God has had me do so many things this last year...all appointed and directed by Him.  As I welcome in this next phase of life with a lighter load, and all that God has in store for me awaiting me, I finally know what it's like to let someone love me...to be in love with God.  Once I stopped living the lie and living in the light, my perspective changed.

I spent a long time looking for love in the wrong places. I'm grateful for the day I turned to God.  Love has changed me...healed me...freed me.  Love like this is beautiful and makes me look forward to the ways He chooses to reveal His love for me in the future...but if He does nothing else, He has already done so much.  I'm grateful for this journey and for how God has chosen to love me. I encourage you today to look at your life.  Measure it by 1 Corinthians 13.  Have you allowed God to show you what love really is?  Or have you been creating a picture of what you think love should be?  Anything less than what God has for you will always be unfulfilling.  Anything less than your divine purpose will leave you searching.  I'm glad that my story is my story.  Of course I would rather I had not gone through the things I've gone through, but God has used everything, so far, to bless me. It's so easy to give up when there is distorted love all around us.  Even in some of our homes...love has been tainted and tarnished.  I'm thankful today to know what love really is.  I encourage you to take the steps necessary to find out!

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13:7