Loose Control

Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.  Psalm 55:22

I have realized we often need the reminder to not worry or be afraid if we once regularly worried and feared.  This morning I had some epiphanies about us as mankind.  When Eve gave the proverbial fruit to Adam of which he ate, it transformed us into needing-to-control-everything (and sometimes everyone) people.  We no longer live life without cares.  It turned us into control freaks.  We feel like we have to control the things that happen in our lives and as a result, control other people that may be responsible in some way for those things that happen.

I was thinking of Abraham and how he is remembered for his great faith.  I was thinking then for a moment, of the character flaw this man had.  At one point along the way, he and his wife got impatient with God.  They decided to take matters into their own hands and as a result, Ishmael is born and Hagar begins to look down on Sarah in disgust.  

The consequence here of not trusting God and waiting, is a rift that has gone on throughout history.  Because of Abraham and Sarah's need to help things along, Abraham sends his first born son and his mother away after the child that was promised through Sarah is born.  Yet another rift, brother against brother.  

I then thought of all the times I have tried to help things along.  I didn't have patience, so I have dated some of the most wrong people for me.   I didn't know myself or who I was supposed to be, so I felt like I had to always be strong and help other people while ignoring my own problems.  I didn't trust or truly love myself so I have put myself in situations to be manipulated or used by others.  The result: I had years of baggage to unload, I didn't trust that I was hearing God speak and made some damaging choices, and I have had some heartbreak at the hands of family, friends and romantic interests alike.  I have had a period of unlearning, that I am still in, that has had me daily looking back and recognizing the error of my ways.  I don't share this to have a pity party; in fact, I see the blessings in my mess.  God kept me from far worse consequences than being single and being able to heal (this is a great blessing to me)!  I didn't marry the wrong man, I didn't kill anybody, lol, and no one killed me.  I am alive, well, and walking out my healing.

I decided today to, this time, loose the need to control and instead bind submission and surrender to God over myself and my life (see Mathew 18:18, 16:19).  I realize that life is a series of risks that need to be taken.  The greatest risk is choosing to lose control to God.  As I broke down the scripture above and I read it in different translations, I started to understand the purpose of the things I went through.  They helped to break me, to break the mold that I felt I had to fit in.  They helped me to see that I could not do everything alone and that I truly need God.  I need God to make the right decisions.  I need God to order my steps.  I needed God to open up and reveal my purpose to me.  I needed God to heal me and show me how I had allowed the enemy to capitalize on my pain.  I needed and still need God.

I realized how these things I have worried about have stolen my ability to surrender.  The more anxious I got, the less I trusted myself and the wisdom within me.  The less I felt I could trust me, the more I reached out to others, and at the time, not always the wisest people.  But now, as I try daily to turn everything over to God instead of letting the mindbots take off in any direction, I go back to God, recognizing that the area I'm struggling in at the moment, is just another area for me to surrender, to cast, to turn over to Him for help and direction.  I love this verse because I know without a doubt that this thing I'm worrying about does not have to shake me.  I can give it to God and let Him lead me.  Sustain means to support, to strengthen, to carry.  This makes me think of Matthew 11:28-29, where Jesus tells us to take on His yoke and He will take ours -- He goes further and promises us rest.  He will carry our burdens.  I can only rest well when I know all is well and will be well, that I have nothing to worry about or fear.  It then makes me think of 1 Peter 5:7, and I remember that I'm not supposed to worry about anything.  Then my mind goes to Matthew 6:25-34, and I remember how pointless worrying really is and at that very moment, I choose to seek God.  Worrying opens the door for the devil to deceive us.  Worrying tells us that we can fix the problem, that we don't trust God to handle it and that we are better than God at dealing with it.  Why get on the hamster wheel, knowing there are just some things that we were not equipped to fix?  Why do that to yourself?  Today, I hope you choose to loose control.  Do it as often as you need until you are comfortable leaving everything to God.  That's my new plan, and it is working out perfectly.

Love you!

Throw all your worry on him, because he cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7