Laws of Attraction, Sowing and Reaping

A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.  Proverbs 18:24 KJV2000

You may feel this is not relevant, but of course I do lol.  We all pray for things; we all have things we want and long for.  Some of you desire marriage, friendships, or other things in the form of people to satisfy some need.  I learned this the hard way.

I prayed that God would send me a friend back in 2009.  And I received the word back many times that in order to have friends, you must first be a friend.  What this meant I would learn over many years, and today it was crystallized in my mind how difficult that process has been, but how the end result was great.  Over the last 3-4 years, a number of people have come in and out of my life to be my 'friend' and some have definitely not made the cut.  But there have been a select few of these relationships that have weathered the test of time and my emotions and feelings, lol; they have definitely given me some wounds lol but thank God for healing.  There was a need deep within my heart to keep pressing and going back and forgiving, supporting, praying, encouraging and remaining there for that person in spite of their complaining, neglect, disagreements with my way (because for some people, its my way or the highway ), and just ruffling my feathers and rubbing me the wrong way--chafing my skin.

I think of Jesus and our heavenly Father, how time after time after time we are forgiven when we are less than 'friendly' to them.  We doubt, we give up, and cry and pout (I know I'm talking to myself and its funny now lol).  But they are still there for us...why you ask?  Because of love!  We show others the love of God when we withstand the ability to give up on them, even when we want to and truthfully others want us to as well.

You must be a friend first (your act of sowing) so that when friends come along (your harvest) you know how to treat them!  In my case I have asked God for many things: a mentor, so I have had to mentor people (very difficult); to be a wife and get married so I have been going through a preparation and purification process that has been very humbling to me, including confessing my own list of 'I am' statements which detail qualities I would like in my husband as well as that I become the Proverbs 31 woman, submitting to God's authority, having integrity; to be a leader so I have been undergoing the DIFFICULT, testy task of be led, both at work, school, and in the Spirit; to be a mother so I had a mentee that was very much like my child that taught me things about life and even in helping with my nieces and god-daughter even though I am nearly a 1000 miles away, being nurturing to others, in particular to their Spirit man; to be wealthy so I had to learn to give and sow and tithe, all acts of my faith necessary for me to see the manifestation of the resources that will cause that to happen...  I have had to sow these actions so that when my times come for harvesting--my marriage, my becoming a parent, my becoming a leader--I am prepared to maintain the rewards of my labor.

Your sowing will attract the harvest you desire.  The beauty of being a friend or a mentor or a mother to someone else...you are sowing God's love into someone's life that will produce the greatest harvest ever--the salvation of their soul.

Remember this: The person who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously.  2 Corinthians 9:6 HCSB

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The Other Side of Faith

I will give thanks to You, for the greatness of the way I was made brings fear. Your works are great and my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14 NLV

I had several realizations over the last few days, as God decided to give me a closer touch and glimpse of who He is.  God speaks to me about and for others regularly...but I needed and still need a regular revelation for myself.  So God has shown me that He heard my prayers and wanted to teach me a lesson in faith: have faith in myself.

There are things I innately have felt competent at, things I knew without much effort I could do, like fixing things, cooking, and solving problems.  I knew I would get into law school, despite the fact I did not apply myself as I should have (DON'T follow in my footsteps, preparation is essential, as I now know).  However, upon getting in and actually starting school, that confidence I have always had in regards to school quickly diminished, to an almost nonexistence.  I recognized my faults and am working to rectify them...but this experience had left a mar on the faith I once had in myself.

This was translated from my work, which is the primary reason for this sharing of my testimony lol...  I have been working for my job for nearly 5 years (I know I don't look it lol).  I finished all necessary requirements for my developmental training earlier than anticipated (with the inclusion of my nearly 4 months off work due to my health and my dad's death).  I have performed well...but I allowed some of the tests that God has allowed in my life in the form of bad leadership to cause me to question myself.  I felt like I did not deserve to apply for my promotion until I had achieved this milestone, which now seems virtually impossible after several months of work on it.  But He chose to reveal to me the truth.

I recognize now that I had the formula wrong.  I was trying to do it in my own strength.  Both school and work, things that have become things I identify myself by, I have been trying to be successful without God.  Of course I will come to Him in prayer for clarity and strength...but I had not asked that He guide me, that He goes before me and makes my paths straight.  Instead, I have been meandering along, albeit He has been showing me things along the way.  This lesson though, to have faith in myself, requires me to have faith in the Father, because He equipped us with the gifts and talents necessary to excel in any situations we face.

I read several translations of the scripture above because I confess it every morning but I remember looking at a few translations and how sometimes different versions will really speak to you.  And today I needed to see this.  Having faith in yourself is essential to your truly being used of and by God.  To believe in God's plan and purpose for your life, you have to, you must believe in the abilities, talents, gifts, and skills you have.  Why?  Because they specifically qualify you to be the best person for the specific assignment He has for you.  Your having faith in them coincides with your faith in Him because He gave you them!  

You must have faith in yourself, because God uniquely created you.  He set you apart for something great.  Here is the key:  we have faith in God.  We have faith in His works...we are one of His works.  We are His beloved creation.  He is within us; having faith within ourselves allows God to have the maximum ability to work through you because we can rest in those things He put within us.  How can you do it if you don't believe you can?  Its time to be like the Little Engine that Could and faith it till you make it!  Love you....

I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation, filled with wonder and awe.
    You have approached even the smallest details with excellence;
    Your works are wonderful;
I carry this knowledge deep within my soul.

Psalm 139:14 The Voice

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"No weapon formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of God and their righteousness is of me," says the Lord.  Isaiah 54:17
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Do You Love...You?

Jesus replied, "'You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."  Matthew 22:37-40 NLT

I initially began to write this on Valentine's Day.  And I thought about the significance of the that day, how to many people, that day is overrated, having been commercialized through the media's sensationalism with gifts and chocolate (although I do not object to the chocolate lol).  Some people go to great lengths to prove their love to their significant others through buying things, yet what I realized is that if we practice the above year around, there is no need to overcompensate on one day of the year.  We need to put the focus back on God and thus allow Him to show us those acts necessary to spread love to others.  And to do that, we must love others as we love ourselves.

For the first time in a long time, or maybe even ever since I was born, lol, I did not have 'Valentine' per se.  Growing up, my momma and daddy always made sure we had gifts on Valentine's Day because it was their anniversary.  Yeah I had to shed some tears thinking of the memories today...there was nothing like it.  We, well I should tell the truth and say me, lol, would cook them an anniversary dinner and little cheesy things, lol, doing things to let our parents know we loved them, and they loved us.  In their own way, they were an example of this love I speak of should be like.  Now, I am happily single for the first time in my life, although I do desire to be in a relationship someday.  I have been allowing the process of healing and restoration going on within me to be completed, so that I can be prepared and ready for whoever God desires to add to my life.  And I was thinking as I was reading through my devotional readings this morning, how can I show love to others, today and everyday from here on out?  How can I allow God's love to shine through me to a person that has never experienced it?  I am a firm believer in the saying that like attracts like.  For example, if you want friends you have to be a friend, so accordingly, if you want love you have to be loving, even to those that you do not want to love.  Now this is difficult for me because I have to discern those to which God has sent and tasked me to versus those who have been drawn to me for other reasons; this was a common mistake of mine in the past.  And truthfully speaking, being a sometimes introvert, sometimes extrovert, I would rather not be bothered with people outside of my friend circle, especially some of the people that I have met down here.  So instead I decided to reach out to my friends and immediate family, letting them know that I love them and hopefully brightening their day, because it helped mine.

As I pondered this thought, I remembered how we are supposed to do things from our heart, seeking no recognition or praise, but do things with the Spirit of God leading us, guiding us, and loving through us.  This is hard to do--loving others you do not know, forgiving others who have wronged you, being kind to strangers, and doing things to help someone to not be recognized for it.  Let's be real, most of us pass by the homeless men on the corner and keep on walking, I know I do because I rationalize and think about what they are going to do with the money, lol.  This is wrong!!

So today in my thoughts (its obvious to you by now that I have full out dialogues with God in my head hahaha), I thought about the one thing we are called to do, regardless of our specific assignments.  We are called to love.  We are to love other unconditionally and we are to love them as we love ourselves.  The beauty of the words above reminds me of the process I am going through.  Over the last 5 years, my life has taken dramatic turns: graduating from college and grad school, moving back home to SC, transplant, break-up, new boyfriend, death, break-up, death again, and so many more painful things.  During the course of these things, I have sought God to teach me to love others unconditionally.  Of course to do that, I had to learn to love myself in spite of my imperfections.  I had to forgive myself for mistakes I have made.  For a long time I had self-esteem issues, stemming from a childhood trauma and just things that were said to me growing up.  One thing I heard over and over again in my head were words from an aunt about my not being dark enough or me having to watch what I eat because I could end up fat and all sorts of lies that made me doubt myself and seek validation from others.  I have learned to love me regardless of my complexion, my weight, the length of my hair, or even the size of clothes I wear, all because I have sought to know God's love for myself so that I can love others.  I think now I am in a place that I can do more of this sharing love with others thing daily, because I know what it means to love myself now.  So with all of this said, haha, love yourself.  Let God's love teach you to love yourself so that you can adequately love others.  Then no one can question your love on Valentine's Day or any other day, because you will be a reflection of God's love and give out love, and like I said, love will come to you.

For those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers.

Romans 8:29 HCSB

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"No weapon formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of God and their righteousness is of me," says the Lord.  Isaiah 54:17
http://lifeinspiredbygod.com/

Renewal, Rebirth, Refill, Restoration

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.  Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV

I don't know about where you live, but down here, Spring is coming.  From the blasted pollen polyps to the birds chirping and the resurgence of the bug population, Spring is near.  I know I don't sound too enthused, but I really am.  Even my body is evidencing the impending change, hands are peeling and I'm working out hahaha.  Spring represents a renewal, a rebirth, and starting over.  Is there something you need to start over at?  Is there a part of your life that needs to be reborn?  Do you need a rebirth?  Are you in need of renewal?

I know I needed to start over at some things this year, primarily taking time for myself in light of all the responsibilities I have and also re-positioning my life so that God would be first.  I was so weary and tired and overwhelmed with work and school...and I hadn't had any 'Marquita' time in a very long time.  Yeah, I've been working out and reading on occasion, but I had not just let loose.  I had been suppressing my old self, things I had been taught to think were not appropriate or acceptable.  I had even questioned why I was here in school, because everything about me was in disarray.  

So I did not realize, until today, almost a week since I began this devotion originally, that I was in need of renewal.  In every area of my life, I was tired.  I was not feeling rested after sleeping, but then again I wasn't getting enough sleep...I was burned out from pouring out so much at school and work and in everything.  I have been praying for balance since the beginning of the year and it seemed to not come.  More and more of my time school demanded, then incorporating regular workouts...writing...teaching...it has just been tough!  So as my 2nd fast rolled around on last Thursday, so one of the things I prayed for was balance.  So God decided to show me how to get that.  I planned for Saturday to be my "Love Me" day, including a mani-pedi and shopping among other things.  I had 'planned' to work out Saturday morning and wash and detangle my hair...but something else became pressed on my heart to do.  For the last few years, I have given up something for Lent and engaged in reading daily Lenten readings.  In my seeking to get everything done, those readings have been pretty much put on the back burner.  So I was behind by almost a week and a half.  So Saturday morning, at 8am when I woke up, I refused to get out of the bed until I had gotten myself caught up.  Then, God began speaking through and about the devotions, and I texted my friend and sent some emails of what I was getting.  You see, in the hustle and bustle of going, going, going, I had been drained mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I was pouring out all I had, and had not allowed God to refill me.  

It wasn't until today after both church and the sermon tonight at Revival that I finally understood why things were off.  God was not first, so therefore I was not going to Him first thing in the morning to unload and and last thing at night to unload like I should.  God was someone I squeezed in here and there, although it was a lot and I talked to Him pretty regularly, but He was not first.  I had relegated hearing from Him to bathroom visits, showers, and solo car rides with the occasional daily interlude.  I had missed church several times, and just being too tired to get up and go was my primary excuse.  Even today, after church, I took a nap and for the first time woke up totally refreshed.  I realized I was missing the renewal, missing that communion with God, missing out on the rest He has provided me time and time again.  

Like Spring, the necessities for rebirth, renewal, restoration, and refilling all remind us that we must take a step back and refocus on who is (and should be) most important in our lives, God then ourselves.  Being reborn--our acceptance of Christ's death--restores us and reconnects us to God.  Christ's death tore the veil and allows us to come boldly before the throne, to come humbly to the altar, and speak to Him for ourselves.  Being renewed--the renewing of our minds--allows us to press the reset button on everything, like, washing a chalkboard clean for the next day's use (I guess I am showing my age now lol).  Being restored gives us back everything we have lost.  I lost myself and was beginning to lose my mind behind school and being depressed about missing home and friends and family...but I had to recenter myself.   There is a reason for my being here and I do not want to leave until that for which I was sent has been completed.  Lastly being refilled gives us a fresh view to look at things from and replenishes the tank, much like eating gives us energy for our bodies to run.  

I am refilled, for now, after having gone to two services lol, fasting and catching up on devotions, and much prayer...but the interesting fact about being refilled is that this, and all of these, are continual works.  When we have been refilled, we are to go out and pour out on others; it's like when we refill a car so that we can keep driving.  Encourage your friends and family, minister to them by listening or sharing a Word that got you through a similar situation--use your gifts.  Then go back to the Father daily and be refilled.  Daily renew your mind(Romans 12:2)--because unlike our spirits that were saved instantly after accepting Christ, our minds and bodies have to undo all those years of thinking without God--of being conformed to the world--and this requires daily submission of all our needs to God.  We are to be reborn daily--because we, like Paul (1 Corinthians 15:31), are to die daily to the desires of our hearts and flesh that are out of line with God's will.  It is after we are renewed and reborn that God can restore our souls to Himself--because we are no longer separated from Him by our thoughts and fleshly desires.

So if you are feeling like I was feeling...tired, weak, and drained, maybe you are due for a refill and a spiritual tune-up.  Go to the altar, leave your burdens at God's feet, renew your mind by feasting on the word, and allow God to restore you because it's better than going to the doctor!  Be blessed and yay let's welcome in the Spring--AFTER the pollen that is.

Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self. You are being renewed in knowledge according to the image of your Creator.  Colossians 3:9-10 HCSB

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"No weapon formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of God and their righteousness is of me," says the Lord.  Isaiah 54:17
http://lifeinspiredbygod.com/

As You Love Yourself

He answered: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Luke 10:27 NIV

I have been thinking about this since before I went to bed last night.  I have been thinking of how to share this...whether to do an Instagram post or break my Lent fast from Facebook because it seemed so important to share, or whether to simply share it with my girlfriends as I have been doing the last few days.  For preservation of anonymity, I decided to do what I do best..write.

After bible study, I had a conversation with a friend that turned to the topic of my singleness.  He asked, why don't I have a boyfriend?  My reply was the truth, in that I wanted to detox, release all the baggage of relationships past, release all of the things that have happened to me over the years, be the best me I could be, and do what God asked me to do, but do it for myself.  I admitted I wanted to be in a relationship, loved being in one, but I wasn't ready for it.  As I got off the video, I realized that this was something much more than that.  Back in 2009 after my transplant, one of the things I asked of God was that He teach me to love others the way He loved me and to love myself that way too.  So as He spoke to my heart last night and reminded me of that, I realized that I was loving myself the way God wanted me to love myself by choosing to remain single and celibate until I meet my husband.  I was loving myself so that I could love my neighbors as myself.  Let's be real, how can you love other people if you don't love yourself?

I tried writing this last night before I went to sleep...but delirium and tiredness hit me heavy.  As I woke up with this on my mind, it kept coming back to me that it would have been impossible for me to fully love someone, my future husband for example, if I continued to carry around all of the filth and garbage from the past.  I realized that I could not give God or him all of me in holding on to what BoBo did to me or mistakes I made.  I realized I could not love Marquita and thus I could not love others being who I used to be.  Yesterday, I shared with Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and undoubtedly the world how I woke up feeling beautiful.  I never in my life experienced that feeling...and I didn't have on any makeup or lip gloss...just a smile and my clothes that are almost two sizes too big in some areas lol.  I realized that of all of the things I have gone through in the last 8 months of this Esther purification process (reply if you'd like more details in how God has been transforming me), the greatest lesson has been in loving myself.  The products of this journey so far include knowing my worth, being able to be brutally honest with myself about the mistakes I have made, listening to and learning from others, and just embracing me for everything that includes...in essence, loving me.

I think of this scripture and it dawned on me how it is apparent that there is a lack of love in the world, and that the enemy's attempts at perverting everything God has created are in actuality, working--but I digress because God already has the glory from this.  Hate is apparent in every area of our lives, from global interactions to day-to-day driving experiences.  People are isolated and cut off from real interactions with others, they flip people off when driving, or in my case, threaten to ride around with a bucket of rocks to beam at people every time they do something I don't like on the road, lol.  But this is not how God intended us to be.  I have learned that it is in loving God--submitting, being obedient, and trusting Him, having faith in every single thing He says--that I learned to love me.  The things I have done have been unorthodox, even strange (but hey God is extraordinary, if Naaman dipped seven times in the dirty Jordan and was healed of leprosy...then my celibacy and singleness are mere tasks for the greater glory He will soon reveal).  

You cannot love yourself walking around in shame.  You cannot love yourself walking around dragging generational curses (which, YOU have the authority to condemn and break, Isa 54:17) or by allowing yourself to be oppressed by demonic influences (let's be real...lust, perversion, whoredoms, addictions, depression, and bondage define the world we live in...and it was only after being delivered from it that I recognized its hold on me, but more about that to come soon).  You cannot love yourself ignoring the truth.  The truth is, it has been in my obedience and willingness to trust God that I have learned so much.  I have lost so much 'weight' both literally and spiritually, because I got fed up with not loving myself and going back to why this and why that, why isn't my life going the way I want it to go.  It all started because I loved someone else so much that I wanted to forgive and be a better woman...  But there was a greater gift in store for me, because this journey has been so beautiful--I finally love who I see everyday looking back at me, unconditionally.  This journey has opened my eyes to seeing the beauty in others, and also in being loving to others even when the old me could give two...craps about even speaking to people.  The greatest commandments--to love God and to love others as ourselves--can change the world if practiced.  It is my hope that in my sharing this process, and eventually the whole of it with you all, that you will go against the norm, against society's demands of assimilation, and be the agent of change in your sphere of influence.  I am sure your journey to true self-love--how can you love yourself if you don't love God--and love of others will be different from my own...but stop resisting it and just be!  Love your neighbors as you love yourself...love yourself today!

"I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another."  John 13:34 HCSB

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"No weapon formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of God and their righteousness is of me," says the Lord.  Isaiah 54:17
http://lifeinspiredbygod.com/

Who Gave You the Gavel?

Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye but don't notice the log in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and look, there's a log in your eye? Hypocrite! First take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Matthew 7:3-5 HCSB

If you know me well enough by now, you know I have a deep abhorrence of hypocrites.  (That's just my being fancy and saying I don't like judgmental people, lol).  I pray daily for an open mind, and that God shows me the beauty in all things and people.  Over the years I have grown to despise the tradition of religion and sought to understand God for myself.  I recognized along the way that there are many people that put God in a box and so if you do not fit in that box, something must be wrong with you.  After coming to terms with my calling, I struggled hard with this.  Modern day preachers and prophets don't fancy a woman speaking her views on God, let alone teaching others about God.  Along with this, I have learned that if you do not look a certain way, talk like this or dress like that, you will garner a certain amount of sideways stares.  I am about as different as they come, well not all the way.  I have several tattoos, dress very fashionably at times, unique at others, love love love heels, and shy away from anything screaming tradition.  So from this I am sure you know my plight, lol.

I love this passage because it reminds us to look first at ourselves.  I'll be the first to admit that I found flaw in everyone, having grown up to pick and point out other people's flaws.  That would be alright for a while, then when I got by myself and looked at myself, I would tear myself apart too, mainly because of the insecurities I had developed out of the things I had experienced growing up.  Out of that birthed the need to protect and defend others, and to stand up for myself.  The first person to say something disrespectful to me they would get their own tongue-lashing back, when I got older and stopped holding my tongue so much.  Then as I grew tired of having to defend myself all the time, I realized the true source of the problem was the enemy and his efforts to discourage me from truly embracing what God wanted for me, which is relationship with himself and our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I will not sit here and write that I have a clean slate for my past.  I have done my share of wrong, made my share of bad choices.  I have hurt people and myself.  But the one thing I have learned is that God forgives.  Just as He is our ultimate judge, He also loves us so much that He will forgive our wrongs without need for anything in return.  We are not the judge and jury (law school joke haha) so what gives us the right to slam the gavel on others?  Now, there is a difference between bringing an issue before your brother or sister in Christ and talking about them and casting judgment.  But the bittersweet part of all of this is that we can only learn the difference when we let God remove the blinders from our eyes that hide our truth.  Don't you want to see with clear vision?  Remove your plank today and really see yourself as you are.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Matthew 7:1-2 NIV

Looking for Love

I haven't written poetry in years but today and with everything that has been happening lately and truthfully my observations about life lol, I felt inspired.  Hope it blesses you!  Patience is a virtue and I will begrudgingly continue being patient haha!

Looking for Love

Love, where are you?  I've been searching high and low for you, looking over, in under and through people to find you, but your presence still evades me.

Love, where did you go?  Why did you leave me? The air is still tinged with your aroma, with the effervescence of your essence and I still…can't…find…YOU.

Love do you still exist?  So much that my friends and family resort to a computer screen to find you when you used to be in between the cosmic condensation of space, called now, something we witnessed in our parents and grandparents, but yet now you elude us as life dilutes us from what is real…what is…you.

Love, what do I need to do, to have you here with me, permanently, conjunctively, with no dysfunctions or disjunctions?  What do I need to do to feel your lasting warmth, your sweet embrace and to admire your lovely face?  What do I need to do to just hold you, feel you and taste the air you breathe, my eyes are blind and I cannot see without you.

Love, deep in my heart I cannot doubt the seeds you planted when you left.  I cannot allow the reality of right now to disillusion me against the realness of your message, of your sentences filled with verbs—your words, singing to my heart, that even though sometimes we are distant we will never part, that you hold my heart.  Even when chasing dreams and ambitions hide your smile from eyesight's view, I must keep hold of vision, to you I remain true.

Love, thank you for the reminder that when I doubt you're there I must look within to that place, that now dark, damp and dusty place where you once lived, and if I gaze on the memory I realize that you never left me and you will always live within me as long as I am true to myself and remember why My Father gave you to me…so that others can see Him through me, so that each days mercies are new to me, and so that He can use me, to find you.

 

Marquita 02/20/2013

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn't jealous. It doesn't sing its own praises. It isn't arrogant. It isn't rude. It doesn't think about itself. It isn't irritable. It doesn't keep track of wrongs. It isn't happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.
Love never comes to an end.