An Uncommon, Unworldly, and Unusual Choice

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb.  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.  Psalm 139:13-16 NASB

My birthday is in two days.  I'm screaming inside lol. On the 28th day of this month I'll be 28 years old. Some call it my golden birthday, I recognize it as a monumental day, its definitely a holiday for me haha, but this one is different.  It is a milestone (developer talk) birthday. In biblical numerology, 28 is is 7 times 4, the divine perfection of created works.  I guess that's why the lunar cycle is 28 days.  I've been overcome with emotion today as I realized everything that God has done in my life this past year.  My uncommon, unworldly, and unusual choice has resulted in the greatest changes in me...I don't even recognize this new person.  God asked for 12 months, which I somewhat willingly obliged, and He gave me a new identity, one filled with words like queen, conqueror, victorious, healed, anointed as adjectives and nouns that describe who I am.  Like Alicia Keys says, it's a brand new kind of me.  So what did I decide to do for these last twelve months that makes me use uncommon, unworldly, and unusual? 

I chose to give myself completely to God, mind, body and spirit. I surrendered, I chose celibacy instead of fulfilling my own desires. I chose to truly walk in forgiveness, remembering some of the most painful things and choosing instead to walk in absolute forgiveness towards those who had wronged me.  I chose to pray and walk in love when being stabbed in the back. I chose to stand up for myself instead of taking abuse and frustration as a way of life. I chose to eat healthy and workout consistently, nurturing this body He gave me so that I can continue to do the works I was sent here to do.  I chose to focus on myself and cultivating my relationship with God so that I could in turn show Him to others.  I released baggage from relationship after relationship and I chose to embark on a relationship with myself and God. I chose to acknowledge my hurts, feel pains, and admit when I didn't like something, when I was wrong, or when I made a mistake.  I chose transparency, loyalty and faith instead of hiding behind walls, fear and doubt.  I chose to overcome myself--things I've done all my life and to truly press and work hard for the things I want out of life.  I chose to pursue the truest form of self in the midst of adversity instead of compromising.  I chose to give God my weaknesses so that He could amplify them through His strength.  I chose to know who I am--my strengths, my gifts and talents, and my hopes, dreams and visions so that I could assimilate all things that make me Marquita without any need of rejection or fear of acceptance.   I endured the pain of being separated from my loved ones so that when I am able to around them all the time again, I'm able to appreciate and truly love them for who they are. This time has strengthened my friendships, ironically enough, with those that God has assigned to me and brought me closer to them than I was when we were in the same area!  I no longer have to explain who I am: I'm goofy and silly, love having a good time, absolutely love to sing and dance, I love rap and gospel music all the same, and I love God, the people He gave me to do life with, and the purpose He put inside me.  Quite simply, I surrendered so that He could teach me to truly love me so that I could love God and others.

And what have I gained?!?  I've gained love for myself, love for others and love for my Father.  I've gained peace, courage, and understanding.  I have gained the keys to my own soul by giving God everything.  I've defeated my worst enemy--me--so that I could be a better version of me.  I gained the freedom and liberation to be happy and in love with who I see each day when I look into the mirror.  I gained the chance to reflect that to others.  Instead of always finding flaws in others, I pray and ask God to show me the positives and the good.  Now, I pray wholeheartedly for those that come against me (still praying about some hahaha).  I know what it means to be happy regardless of my circumstances, to have peace and trust God even when things are unclear and the way ahead is blurry.

How did all of this come about?  Well last year I had already begun to surrender different areas of my life to God.  I started teaching bible study back in April and it was as I taught a series on Exercising Your Faith, that we got to Esther.  How she was willing to sacrifice her life to save the people.  How she came from lowly beginnings to become queen of the Persian Empire.  How God used her for something so great.  It was then that I knew what I needed to do.  In Esther's preparation process, each young woman spent 12 months to prepare for her one night with the King.  Those twelve months did a lot of things, exposed pregnancies, divulged and allowed them to be healed from diseases (through the use of special anointing oils), and allowed them to become versed in the ways of a queen, if they were fortunate to be selected.  Esther was favored over them all.  Those things stuck out to me:  favor, 12 months of preparation, being set apart and isolated.  Sure enough, I thought that God was doing this to prepare me for my husband (NOT! well who knows, I know someday I will get married ).  But it was so much bigger than that.  I did get pregnant--(PAUSE not really people gosh! ) pregnant with purpose, will power and perseverance, and confidence in who I am and what I know to be truth.

Sure, I was lonely being down here in the swamps with none of my friends or immediate family near me.  Sure, I was tempted to just pass the time with people I knew were not meant to be permanent parts of my life.  Sure, I have wanted to go home (still do, lol).  But I cannot discount what I have gained.  God led me to go on that journey, on this process, to be purged and pruned, to be ready for whatever else He wants me to do.  

This is not to condemn anyone...because I have still fallen short (like with my love of candy and cakes...trust its going down this weekend haha).  But this is to encourage to seek the truest version of yourself.  How else can you get to know yourself if you don't seek out your Maker?

Well happy birthday to me!! I have a lot to celebrate!  I love you all and I pray this blesses you!

Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God.  1 Peter 1:22-23

To Thy Own Self Be True

"But you," He asked them, "who do you say that I am?"  Matthew 16:15

I have experienced so many life changes in the last twelve months.  I have released, I have cried, I have forgiven, I have gotten upset and angry, and I have gone through that process again.  I have acknowledged and accepted things, and I have let them go.  I moved almost a thousand miles away to pursue a dream and to walk in the purpose that God has placed on my life.  In that time, I have become more myself than I have ever been.  No longer do I focus on what others say and think of me.  No longer do I allow the thoughts of others to control and manipulate me.  No longer am I my truest self within the confines of my home, but the Marquita that walks outside of her apartment now is the Marquita that I was born to become and more and more each day I embrace her with love, acceptance and honor.

I have had several realizations lately.  I have acknowledged strengths, acknowledged that I too long focused on making my weaknesses better--like attempting to not be so emotional, not be so affected by things.  I tried to shut myself off and become someone I am not.  As I was thinking of how things that have happened over the last year have affected me--pregnancies, engagements, marriages, and countless other things that have gone on in the lives of my friends--my family, and I thank God for moving me so that I would not have had to experience some of these hurts in their faces.  I took on their pain at times, because that is what I have always done.  In other cases God equipped me with immeasurable strength, the strength to be there and console them and encourage them with my own testimony of similar occurrences.  I embarked on this journey of self-improvement and wound up meeting God.

As I thought last night and today about two simple words shared with me last night at dinner by a woman I met through a networking event because of law school, who has blessed my journey here with the opportunity to further network and make a name for myself in the legal community down here, her words--be yourself--rang out clearly in my mind.  I thought what they meant, for the first time with a clear head.  And God reminded me of a person who always was, always is, and always will be himself.  Jesus.

How was Jesus himself?  He did three things:

- He knew who He was.

- He knew what His purpose was. And

- He did and fulfilled His purpose by being Himself at all times.

From the time Jesus was twelve, He was walking in His purpose, amazing theologians with the depth of understanding of scripture, so engrossed in His Father's work that His parents and family unknowingly left Him behind in Jerusalem.  He told His parents after they asked Him why did He make them anxious in looking for Him: 'And he said unto them, How is it that you sought me? knew you not that I must be about my Father's business?' (Luke 2:49)  He knew who He was.  Do you know who you are?  At the top of that list should be, I am a child of God.

After He was baptized by John the Baptist, Jesus was sent into the wilderness to be prepared.  I've come to understand that the wilderness is not to harm us but to equip us with all the tools necessary to effectively do the work to which we are called.  The wilderness strengthens us, grooms us and prunes us.  But if we do not know who we are, how can we be sustained when we are in the wilderness?  Look again at Jesus:  Luke 4:1 states: Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness.  Later after His fast, Jesus was then tempted by the devil.  But every time, Jesus overcame the enemy with the Word of God.  I also add He used the Word with authority--why?  Because He knew who He was.  The wilderness isolates you to reveal to you your specific purpose and assignment.  It will also purge and prune you of habits and attitudes and behaviors, even people, that will hinder you from being successful.  It will also build your faith, if you allow it.  Jesus knew what His purpose was.  He knew He was the lamb of God, to be sacrificed for all of us.

Finally after overcoming the enemy, Jesus went forward to preach and heal and deliver and save, ministering for 3 years and changing the world as we know it.  His pursuits empowered others to follow in His footsteps, even in death, to bring salvation to this world.  Jesus did this by being himself, being who He was called to be.  Not compromising, not changing Himself for anyone's acceptance and approval.  He was able to know the thoughts of the Pharisees, the Sadducees, and the leaders of the Synagogues so that He was able to remind them of God's word.  He was Himself, and this is the same thing we are called to do.  Be that man and woman He is calling to you.  He is speaking to your heart, telling you to drop the pretenses and be authentic, not just at home but with everyone, everywhere.  He is calling you to let your lights shine before men.  He is calling you to step out in faith in Him and be like Jesus.  When I read that I was being transformed to the image of Christ, I honestly thought I understood what that meant.  But yesterday and today I realize being like Jesus is so much more than ministering to others, because if you minister to others and still reflect yourself, you taint the Word and can cause others to turn away from Christ.   To be like Christ is to be yourself, is to be the man or woman He preordained for you to be, is to walk in the purpose He planted in your heart.  The only way to discover your purpose is to seek God, and to seek Him in Spirit and truth.  

So on this journey, these last twelve months, I have only glimpsed my true self.  Each day I become more Marquita than I ever was.  I have learned to not concern myself with what other people think of me, getting myself all bent out of shape and stressed trying to fit some false mold.  I extend love to everybody now, especially those that have hurt me because it is not about me, but about them seeing Jesus in me.  When you are the real you, walking in purpose, walking in favor, walking in truth, Jesus is easily reflected in you.  So I encourage you, to thy own self be true.  You can only ascend higher if you allow God to take you higher...

Examine yourselves, whether you be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know you not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except you be reprobates?  2 Corinthians 13:5

Fwd: Don't Miss Your Opportunity

If a man say, I love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar: for he that loves not his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 1 John 4:20 AKJV

How many times has someone gotten under your skin?  How many times have you secretly cursed the day someone was born--okay maybe that is is a bit much haha. But really if you are human, you have experienced a day when someone has pushed your buttons beyond the norm and you wanted to lay hands on them, and not with the intent to deliver them.  I have had my share of these experiences and it seems more than enough of them have been occurring since I moved here.  These people are rude!  Not like my people in SC and GA.

But I had two situations in particular where I have had to be a true demonstrator of the character of Jesus to those who have been more than uncouth.  What do you do in these situations?  How do you react?  

Well one situation, I did not react in the best way.  I wasn't rude--thank God.  There was a person with whom I was acquainted.  I asked their opinion of something and disagreed with their opinions.  The person rebutted every single comment I made, all because I disagreed with them.  After I realized I invested a whole two hours of my day into a stupid conversation, I immediately decided to never speak to that person again.  I even told our mutual friend and my friends about how much they had upset me.  Then a week later, about a week and a half after the disagreements, I was laying in the bed and I had just prayed.  It was revealed to me how I had missed an opportunity to show this person the love of God.  I reacted out of my feelings and in my need to protect them, just stopped replying to any further messages and had decided I would ignore any further attempts to talk to me.  I prayed at that moment for forgiveness, and I asked God to help me not miss any more opportunities to show Him to others. I asked God to show me how to be loving to people that angered me, hurt me or pushed me to the point of acting out of character.  Of course God answered, and had that same person to contact me again about something else.  Of course now I know that was a test, and I promised that I would do whatever I could to allow God's love to shine through me.  Little did I know I would have the biggest test of my life in this area with my supervisor.

Everyday we are faced with chances to give someone who hurt us grace.  Now, I am not saying put yourself in a situation where someone can intentionally hurt you.  No, that would be foolish.  But be willing to seek God on how you are to respond to others. Our goal in life is to be God's witness here on the earth.  A painful truth I realized is that the salvation of others is more important than how we feel.  That person that hurt your feelings or was rude to you--their salvation is more important that your feelings.  That person that cut you in the line--their salvation is more important than your feelings.  How many times have you 'kept it real' and showed someone you instead of God?  Every encounter is an opportunity to demonstrate the love of God, even to the most loathsome person.

It is not an overnight process, trust me!  I still struggle with it.  I am a crier, even when I get angry so I have shed many a tear about this kind of stuff.  How can I be loving to someone who I feel doesn't deserve to be in the same room with me breathing the same air I am breathing?  I'm sorry, that's mean haha.  But what do you do?  You trust God.  You call on God for the strength to do it.  Smile anyway.  Laugh anyway.  Show them God!

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.  1 John 4:12 NIV