Countdown to Breakthrough

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.  1 Peter 1:6

     I pray you are well and these words give you some encouragement.  These last three months have been eventful to say the least.  My time is nearing its end here in New Orleans and I'm grateful.  I've learned the lessons (I hope) that I was supposed to learn, lightened my load and am leaving a lot behind here...physically, spiritually, and mentally.  I'm grateful because God has kept me through it all.

     I wanted to share this past Saturday how God has demonstrated His unfailing love for me time and time again, but especially in these months.  This past Saturday was 4 years since my daddy went home to be with the Lord, and God kept me so busy with school and work that I could not get sad because I was alone.  In fact, I was glad because my daddy wasn't suffering anymore and how God has used it to heal me and my family.  I was especially glad because God showed me that He wanted to hand-handle my healing process by keeping me alone.  In that, I was able to press through the challenge of rewriting a significant part of that 30 page brief (in total 42 pages of blood, sweat, tears and a lack of sleep ) and also overcome my fear of speaking in front of others to give my oral argument.  Focusing on that alone has kept me in a place that I had to trust God and overcome myself to get through.  And all I could do is cry at the revelation of it.

     I also now see that my medicines needed to be increased because of the great amount of physical stress I would be under from being sick and stressed with the demands of work and school.  The more suppressed my immune system was, the less likely I would reject the kidney.  I figured that out one day when I realized the effects all of this had on me.  Stress and illness does the opposite.  I wasn't eating like I should, I wasn't sleeping enough, and I was just worn down.  I was sick a great portion of February, stressing out because I was sick and had gotten behind in the class that I had to write the brief and do the oral argument for...just plain tired and discouraged.  Of course those medicines played a part in me being more susceptible to getting sick, but of course these things are sometimes counterintuitive.  

     So I had to learn to trust God in a new way...and like never before.  I had to surrender to Him, and even now I'm having to surrender to some things I don't particularly feel like doing or feel comfortable in doing.  But its all for God's glory.  He showed me things about myself, mistakes I made in the past, that kept me from fully moving forward.  And its beautiful because I feel like I've come full circle in such a short amount of time...now I can move forward and leave the baggage behind.  

     Well now I'm counting down, and the pressure has been on me these last few days to give up and question God because its out of my control.  I'm in a place I have never been, and it honestly scared me.  I'll be quitting my job in May to move back to SC, and right now I don't have anything to go back to.  I don't have an apartment located yet, I don't have a job, and I haven't been accepted to Charleston School of Law yet (haven't submitted the application yet).  I know I can't doubt God because He has done too much for me. I was in a similar situation when I moved here, and He worked everything out that I had somewhere to go stay and worked it out that my job transferred me here.

     I'll admit, it has been rough at times here.  Work issues took the cake, coupled with a difficult first year of law school, a mediocre first semester this second year (well mediocre to me), to now being told twice that I can't come back to my job in Charleston.  If you ask the faithless Marquita how she feels, she would say I'm losing it over here (lol).  Yet, I'm not.  I have my moments of fear rising, but they are quickly quelled by all the word of God in my heart.  I see I had to spend the time teaching bible study before I left and my first year here so I could study the word for myself to teach others.  Now I am relying on that same word to get me through.

     God has His way of reassuring me, a whimsical way of leading me to the scriptures He wants me to see.  Last mini testimony for this one, I promise.  I was up watching movies on Saturday after hanging with my linesister (I love you Ashley!).  So I watched The Wood, Being Mary Jane (the movie--I don't watch TV so I decided I'd see what it was all about), and Turbo.  After watching The Wood and seeing how Omar Epps' character Mike still loved Alicia, I shed some tears for my own hopes of marriage some day.  (I'm a self-professed crybaby so leave me be!)  Then, in watching Being Mary Jane and her dissolute, hopeless story, I cried even more, having almost lost hope for a future of happiness with someone...because as life would paint it, successful black women don't get married or they get taken advantage of in some way.  Let's not even approach the topic of women in ministry (tuh).  I cried and wondered in my mind if that would be my fate.  True enough, my family is no where like hers nor are my circumstances hers...so I know it was the enemy.  Since I hate going to sleep sad, I decided to watch something else.  I ended up watching Turbo.  It was like God was speaking directly to me, showing me numbers (I checked the clock and randomly my account balances, don't judge me, insomnia induced ADD) to get me to check certain scriptures...but I'm certain He had me watch that movie.  Little Turbo the snail never gave up on his dreams, even when the person he loved the most discouraged him.  So clear as day, I heard "don't give up on your dreams. Keep your foundation in me.  I love you.  You will have those things that I promised you."  Then I cried some more because I realized that the enemy was trying in whatever way he could to get me to doubt God.  It also reminded me why I'm careful what I listen to and why I don't watch TV--you have to protect your gates from the enemy!!  But it encouraged me, that God would go to such a great length to reassure me. He even did the same for me yesterday with this stuff with work.

     I guess I'm sharing all of this to encourage you.  Don't give up.  Times may feel difficult right now, things may have you cornered, but God is still God.  If He can be concerned about everything about little ole me, I know He has to love you the same.  Luke 12:7-- Why, even all the hairs on your head have been counted! Stop being afraid. You are worth more than a bunch of sparrows."  So don't give up!  If God knows how many hairs we have--something so minute--He must be concerned with the greater issues we face.  He is there, waiting for you to turn to Him and reach for Him.  These things you are facing are temporary, and will soon end.  Then you will celebrate.  With that, I love you all.  Be encouraged!

Dear friends, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you.  Instead, be very glad--for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.  1 Peter 4:12-13

Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little.  1 Peter 5:10 

Crowded Toes in Ill-Fitting Shoes

Hey y'all!  So I wrote this last week and forgot to forward to my other blog and email listing.  Hope it blesses you!

Love,

Marquita

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2

I have some beautiful shoes I bought. They are taupe--more grey than taupe but still beautiful nonetheless. But I have gotten attached to them and several pairs of shoes like it. See, I like peep toe shoes with a closed heel. I don't know why!  But I think they look best on my feet. Until I got these shoes, and well another pair I already have but seldom wear. They are a little tight because the leather needs to give...they are not unbearably uncomfortable but there is a tightness that made me go back and forth about keeping them. 

So God spoke to me about the shoes last night before bed. We often end up in the same situations over and over again without knowing. At first it's cute, fun, and exciting. Then the same problems we had before in other situations start surfacing. We wonder where it went wrong...and we continue this behavior.  Could be eating, dieting or dating but it's a pattern nonetheless. 

Hopefully you're like me, you realize that particular cut of shoe isn't for you (or maybe that designer!).  You recognize the pattern and stop making the same mistakes:  you learn from them after you have been in the fire one too many times, or you end up depressed, stressed and beat down.  Recognizing the pattern is only half the battle.  Go to a shoe specialist (okay I'm done with the shoes)--or The Chief Specialist, God--and analyze the problem.  Pray and cry out to Him.  Ask Him to search your heart and reveal you to yourself. Ask God to show you the dark areas that need to be illuminated, the wounds that need healing, and the things that need to be forgiven.  And soon, the habit will be broken and you can go forward to live in the victory!

Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.  Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.  Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy.  Ephesians 4:21-24

It is Finished.

When Jesus had tasted it, he said, “It is finished!” Then he bowed his head and released his spirit. (John 19:30 NLT)

Now you should finish what you started. Let the eagerness you showed in the beginning be matched now by your giving. Give in proportion to what you have. (2 Corinthians 8:11 NLT)

So I got peace about sharing some of my testimony from the last three months.  So many lessons I've learned...so much clarity I've gained and all I can say outside of being sleepy right now is that I'm so grateful.  

This morning as I went to sleep, body worn out and weary...I had peace because I had completed my 30 page brief.  This time last week I had just given myself a pep talk after having a 'Come to Jesus' moment as I like to call it.  I really have to say thank God for this first three months of this year.  I knew ahead of time that things were going to get crazy...but all I could do is say thank you God and endure.

For a long time I thought life was unpredictable and that the things we faced were left up to chance.  Then I grew up and starting seeking God as the pull in my heart for Him got stronger.  Fast forward to now, and I can honestly tell you about 90% of the things I experienced so far this year, I anticipated.

And this morning, as I typed my last word in my revised and edited brief, down from the 36 pages I had initially wrote to the 30 page limit required by my school--the first words I thought and felt with everything within me were, "thank you God for getting me through this."

I have another journey of uncertainty lying ahead for me.  I can't say its a journey so much as an assignment.  I don't know all the details, but I know God will show them to me just like He did for me coming here to New Orleans.  I'm sad to know I'll be leaving the people I have grown to love (and hate--these New Orleans streets are bad on your cars man!) in less than two months.  But I'm even happier to know that purpose awaits me.

I shared these scriptures because they hit my heart today as I thought of all the things I overcame in these last three months, let alone the nearly 2 years I have lived here.  Only God could heal me and heal my heart.  Only God could show me why I've made mistake after mistake...and still love me.  Only God could get me through medical challenges amid law school pressures and working full-time doing development work.  Only God.  Why?  He loves me.  What for?  He has a plan and purpose for me...and I can proudly say its finished (at least this part--I see the end!).  

So many tears I've shed overcoming myself and my past.  So many nights I've cried out...fought back tears in public places, all from awareness of God's revelation and Him showing me myself in the least expected ways.

So imagine my joy today at the submission of that brief...it was much like a baby I bore.  I labored late into the night literally several nights to fix errors, reorganize, and get it right.  That has been my actual life process too...up late into the night praying to God for the why, the how, the when, receiving His revelation and direction and making changes to move forward.  In the process I've been more myself than I have ever been, and I have gained contentment in this place.  

I don't know...but I just want you all to remain encouraged in these coming days.  Once you get to that place in God you can rest and know that things will come but He has it all worked out for you.  Do your part as instructed but rest in Him for the next step...embrace the journey, whatever leg of it you are on.  Give God your concerns, your worries, your fears, and your talents...finish the race.

God will carry you through it.  I love you guys...and maybe this makes no sense or has no flow...but I just felt the need to share it. Good night!

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7, 8 NLT)

Blindly Trusting God

Hey y'all!  I know its been a minute but I've been being officially indoctrinated into law school via my moot court class.  I've never been so stressed in all my life, at least I think.  Seemingly, all hell broke loose but I thank God for the strength to keep moving forward in spite of it all.  Anyway, I hope this blesses you...I posted it to my primary blog on Monday, that's when I went to Pinkberry.

Love, Marquita 

Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left. (Isaiah 30:21 NLT)

I stopped at Pinkberry earlier today to treat myself to some peanut butter and chocolate frozen yogurt (which they no longer had ).  As I pulled in, I saw a lady teaching another lady to use the visually impaired walking stick, the one that is white and red at the bottom. 

The one being taught had a mask on to block out light (I'm assuming she isn't completely blind yet).  I assume that this also helps to strengthen her hearing to discern distances from on coming cars and the sound differences of the stick hitting concrete, grass, wood, etc. To teach her, the other lady followed behind her, giving her cues and instructions.  

And it hit me. This is totally what God is doing for us if we listen.  Life makes it difficult for us to completely trust God, albeit a god we cannot physically see or touch. He's speaking, in that still, small voice or through scripture, or through dreams or through the man or woman of God where you attend weekly services, or through that introspective stranger, sent to you to deliver a message from God on high. As you listen, you get more comfortable, trusting your steps, using that walking stick to guide you safely into oncoming traffic. As you close your eyes to what you physically see and feel, your inner eyes are opened, your ears tune in, and your heart reaches out for God's hand to lead you through the most tumultuous storms. So you learn, even through your mistakes, and you trust His voice.  Then you arrive at this beautiful place, one you did not anticipate, clothed in His glory and splendor that you have gained along the way.  You are ready to learn a new path, and God is right there to guide you. 

God is everywhere all at the same time and He is speaking to you if you listen, waiting to guide you. It's a true testament to your faith when you step away from the crowd and blindly follow Him.  This journey has been amazing this far and I'm excited to learn more.  I've had to do much more than I expected and some of it has hurt greatly but I'm so happy with who God is making me into. I love me for everything I am and everything that I am not. I've made mistakes and taken wrong turns but God has even been using those to bless me. My journey has led me from Atlanta to Charleston to New Orleans and soon back to Charleston, but I hear Him so clearly now. I've lost friends along the way but God has definitely replaced them with some true jewels.  And the ultimate goal is to fulfill His divine will. So my charge to you today is to take that first scary step if you haven't already done so. Step out blindly in faith and trust God. Seek His divine purpose and plan for your life. Seek Him in everything. You will never know what He has waiting for you if you don't try Him out!

The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. (Psalms 32:8 NLT)

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"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it

Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it

Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

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