In Isolation, A New Creation Springs Forth

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.  2 Corinthians 5:17

I read a devotion last week that mentioned caterpillars.  I laugh a little right now because it makes me think of my childhood.  I was such a outdoorsy tomboyish girl--to an extent.  I picked up caterpillars and lizards and frogs and I would proudly show them to my momma in the cup or jar that I had captured and put them in...only for her to snatch the container from me to throw it out the window of the car because she was scared of them.  Lol.  I still am fond of caterpillars because they transform into what is probably the only insect I like besides ladybugs and fireflies: butterflies.  In my elementary and middle school science classes, I was fascinated with how a common caterpillar would eat everything in sight to stockpile its energy for the metamorphosis it had to undergo in order to become its truest, most beautiful self.  And now, after the last 5 years, I understand personally how that happens.

Many of you know things about me.  You may even know intimate details of my life and my testimony.  But you don't really fully know me.  Truthfully, I did not know me until I took the leap of faith a year ago today when I arrived in New Orleans.  I left the Charleston area and South Carolina on July 28 to a puddle of tears right after I hit Summerville because I left and I could not turn back.  In this last year I have experienced a multitude of emotions and gone through plenty, things in my family, things at my job, things in my friendships, things within myself...on every front, tested, tried, and trials abound but to cause a catalyst within me.  I withdrew into myself, seeking the truth of who God called me to be, seeking who that woman was and allowing her to spring forth.  It was much like a caterpillar's cocoon.

Today's science lesson: the caterpillar's metamorphosis.  Caterpillars are the second stage of the butterfly or moth's lifecycle.  They begin as eggs, hatch into hungry larvae (caterpillars) and eat everything in sight, growing rapidly and shedding its skin to accommodate its growth.  The next stage is called a chrysalis.  In addition to being known as the pupa stage, this stage is also known as the protected stage of development.  After its adult structures and skeleton is formed, the new butterfly emerges from its protective casing to be reborn as a beautiful butterfly.  There is a wealth of knowledge here about our own transformations as Christians and specifically my own process.

From the time I went to college, then before and immediately after I had my transplant, I was eager to do God's will, seeking and searching for His plan and purpose for my life.  It was at this time that my blog was born now 4 years ago.  I studied God's word, read books, prayed, and searched for the church that I was to call home.  I was a hungry caterpillar, trying to eat all the Word I could.  During the last four years I have changed a lot and grown a lot.  I have learned so much about God and who He is.  I have went from drinking milk to eating baby food and now solid foods in this period of time, all in preparation for what I was to endure in just this first year of being in New Orleans.  I will admit that in some ways I am still in the caterpillar stage, while I know in others I have been in a chrysalis and have begun to emerge to stretch my wings.  It has been since I have come here that I have grown in leaps and bounds and I cannot take credit for any of this that has happened within me.  Yes, I still have a lot of growing to do, but I know it is a direct product of this isolation, this cocoon, that has caused me to grow like this. 

I must note two things: a cocoon is both a protected development experience and it also leaves you very vulnerable.  Most caterpillars find places that are discreet and unassuming to predators.  However, while predators may be the least of their concerns, they have nature, the elements, and other external forces--things completely outside of their control that can affect whether they survive the changes they are experiencing within the cocoon.  For me, this part of the process, surrendering to God and acknowledging that I had no control over those things external to me--people, primarily--was the most difficult.  It required me to trust the process that was happening within me, much like the caterpillar does when it becomes a chrysalis and I had to rest in knowing that when it is time for me to break forth as a new creation, that it was for the glory of God to be revealed.

No one likes to be alone.  No one likes to feel lonely.  I experienced a multitude of emotions over this last year: loneliness, worry, fear, anxiety, sadness, to name a few but that has now transformed to my complete trust in God.  Sure, I have my days when I am sad to be here like this, but I realize that this is just a period in my development and soon I will not be in this phase.  I share all this to encourage you to allow the process.  Trust the process.  I will never forget those words because I heard them one day crystal clear as I took a bath.  I was crying about the different things I was feeling but it gave me peace.  We have to trust the process.  And no, our process may not be the same as someone else.  Our process may take us hundreds of miles away from loved ones, nieces, and best friends, or it may isolate us in the same town as our family and loved ones.  But the beauty is in allowing the process to happen.  Caterpillars do not resist their transformation.  Why?  Its encoded in their DNA that when their time has arrived, they must go to the next phase.  And likewise, as Christians, it is encoded in our DNA to seek after God and do that thing that He has placed in us.  However for us we have the choice to resist and go about things our own way.  I encourage you to trust the process today and allow God to mold you into the new You.  Allow Him to shape you into the man or woman of God He has called you to be.  Resisting only prolongs the phase you are currently in and honestly, it will leave you unfulfilled and seeking natural ways to appease the longing within you.  Turn away from anything that is holding you back.  Take the next step and be transformed...your future awaits!

Put on your new nature, created to be like God--truly righteous and holy.  Ephesians 4:24 NLT

Race Relations

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.  For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  Galatians 3:26-28 NASB

I have been thinking long and hard about this topic for several weeks now.  I cannot avoid it any more: this title has been in my head for at least three weeks and I just honestly did not sit down to type because truthfully I was still in a state of bewilderment at how the ugliness of our nation serves to keep us divided.  Of course, being a black woman, the exposure of the ugly, diseased wound in our nation that originates from differences in race has affected me personally.  My own brothers could easily have been Trayvon Martin or Oscar Grant (please see Fruitvale Station).  It has caused me to question having any children out of a momentary fear of the possibility of their having a future that did not involve prison or gangs or premature death.  But after much prayer, I was comforted by God's words to my heart that if I raise them as He leads me to and give them back to Him for covering and protection, worry should not be a factor for me but only my faith in Him and His assurance of their futures.

When this came to me, I thought of the origins of race.  How did different races and nationalities come to exist?  Well the only Biblical reference that remotely offers some insight is in the passage referring to the Towel of Babel, when the tongues of men were confounded after they all conspired together to build a tower (Genesis 11).  It was after this point that men were no longer of one language and they became scattered across the world.  A Biblical fact that most do not acknowledge is the early reference to the Jews as the chosen race, an early indication of how race had served to separate us all.  The beauty of this is that God had a divine plan in place to remove all these things from the table so that we could all partake of His love, grace, and mercy through His Son.

Throughout history, race, color of skin, and ethnic backgrounds have been used as the premise for discrimination.  Historically speaking, throughout time, ironically, it was the Jews who endured a lot of this discrimination--slavery during the time of Moses, the Holocaust, and even now in maintaining control of their lands, followed by the peoples indigenous to all of the continents of this world at the hands of the Europeans.  Sadly enough, in every case it was the group being oppressed that was labeled as inferior, rather than the oppressor.  Even in the New Testament, we find that race was considered by Jesus, even though it was only a test of this woman's faith.  In Mark 7, verses 24-30, Jesus is approached by a Syrophoenician woman to cast a demon out of her little girl.  The text notably states that she was a Gentile.  Jesus' reply to her: He said to her, "Allow the children to be satisfied first, because it isn't right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." (verse 27).  But because of her faith, she implored of Him yet again to deliver and heal her daughter; Jesus notes that it was because of her faith that her daughter was delivered.  However, this is not to classify Jesus Christ as racist--for Jesus was sent in the flesh to bring the Good News to the Jews first.  It was later through a Jewish man but a Roman citizen that the Word was later brought to the Gentiles.  If you will remember, while He was alive, Jesus even healed the servant of a Roman centurion--and better yet, the Bible states all that believed in Him were healed!  There is no further distinction of race here.  To even further support this fact, Jesus offers living waters to the Samaritan woman at the well, another 'race' that was frowned upon at the time by the Jews.  So this kills the race factor and should serve to remind us of God's love being most important.  After Jesus died, He became life for us all, regardless of race, creed, and background.

I found rest in the passage above from Paul.  Its remarkable to me how God used Paul, a known persecutor of the early Christians, to bring salvation to the Gentiles (every race that was not Jewish).  His words above reaffirm God's love for us because it was through Christ that everything that serves to separate us from one another came crumbling down.  It is the hatred, the evil inherent in humanity being born in a state of sinfulness and under the influence of the enemy, that causes us to walk in fear and to focus on our differences.  The title 'Race Relations' is honestly intended to highlight how irrelevant race really is because as Paul says--there is neither Greek nor Jew, male nor female, and slave nor free man in Christ.  God went to some great lengths to show us how much He loved us: to convert a known killer (Paul) and use him to proliferate the Good News to the entire world.  The true message of God is that He is love and He loves us infinitely for we are all one in Christ.

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body--whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free--and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 1 Corinthians 12:12-13 NIV

Scaling Walls and Climbing Fences

You have broken down all his walls; You have brought his strongholds to ruin.  Psalm 89:40

Growing up I climbed many a fence.  Yes even in my college days, I tore one of my favorite shirts climbing a fence to go sing the Sweetheart Song with some of my sorority sisters (which I am heartbroken over not being with this weekend as we celebrate our Centennial at Convention).  At any rate, the realizations I've had over the last few days make me realize how walls and fences can be both blessings and curses...in my case, a prison.

I have male friends...yep I do.  I do believe there can be platonic relationships between men and women.  I will admit though, some of them have liked me as more than a friend and the feeling was and is not mutual lol...some I have liked or dated in the past and I still keep in touch with because our relationship was able to overcome our past involvement.  I see no harm right now, being that dating has taken a back seat in my life as I continue to chase my other dreams.  However, I would be lying if I did not say that one of my heart's desires (another dream) is to be married and become a mother someday.  The reason that has had to sit in the freezer is that I wanted to devote my time, attention, and passions to juggling full-time work and part-time, demanding, life-changing law school studies.  It took so much of a back seat that I began to attract a certain caliber of males I'm not used to attracting.  These men would be successful and accomplished, or young and trying to get there but with the critical flaw of desiring everything and nothing at the same time--no true commitment.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think all attractions by men are on the soulish and spirit level, on the contrary, men being visual in nature, go after what they like when they see it.  However, some of these guys sought me out themselves...and after having a few uninteresting conversations with me, divulge their desire to not be in a serious relationship for whatever reason--distance, not being ready, commitment and trust issues--and end up wasting both my time and their own.

But I realized Monday after one of those guys sent me a less than appealing text message (another thing I'm not too fond of, having full blown detailed conversations via text message when you miss out on the tone, expression and pauses of being face to face or over the phone, sigh, woosah...but maybe I should start a blog on my dating pet peeves lol) that there was something wrong with me, there was something I was doing to draw these types of 'noncommittal' people into my space and my life experience.  I asked God to show me what it was I was doing--or not doing--to cause this conundrum upon myself.  And of course, God is faithful.  He showed me that it was in my words--things I actually was saying out of my own mouth--and that as a result, I had put up a wall.  I had been double-minded, saying I want to get married and have some kids, but then in the next breath reiterating my lack of a desire to date right now.

Walls are funny like that.  Good walls block out all the sound from the surrounding rooms and the outside.  Good walls prohibit the unwanted entry of opposing light and people.  Good walls separate you from whatever lies outside of them.  Good walls imprison you.  Good walls keep the new out and the old in.  Much like fences...and solitary confinement.

The even funnier thing about walls that God reminded me of this morning...from the time I decided to embark on forgiving others...is that walls keep everything out.  Even God.  Even love.

In my case, I felt I could not have both.  And honestly, my denial of all relationships was a blessing in my first year of law school.  My refusal to connect with anyone of the opposite sex other than surface-level (unless I already knew him) helped me.  I was able to juggle work and school effectively and learn what I needed to do to be successful, and I went on to pull up my lackluster first semester GPA and class rank to keep my grant (yay, go me!).  But see this was deeper than that.  It connected to my need to control--I thought I could control some aspect of my life lol.  It connected to the fact that I felt I was undeserving of anyone to love me because of bad past relationships, that I had done something to deserve the pain I received at someone else's hands--even my own family.  This even connected to my always doing what people thought was practical or the better choice--taking the credit-earning French class instead of following my heart and taking dance in middle school after making the cut, working a part-time job and two during high school instead of sticking it out as a flag girl/dancer and staying on the track team, or even going full steam ahead to college instead of pursuing an art career when those are things that I wanted to do.  It connected to the fact that I too had commitment issues, caused by these things.  This was even manifested in my random desire to chop all of my hair off yesterday (albeit a flyyyyy hair cut) lol after I had promised God I would no longer cut my hair and have since been growing it out for the last year and a half.   It went even deeper to the fact that when people told me that I couldn't do something, I would go to great lengths to master that thing (so I could prove them wrong) and after mastering it, I would quit and go on to whatever was next for me to conquer.  It connected to the fact that I had put time limits, stipulations, and guidelines on things...like I had to graduate college, get engaged, get married and have kids by 25 (DEFINITELY didn't happen--well if you count my goddaughter, I did have a baby ).  And even now, I felt that I had to go to law school and finish, start my career before I seriously began dating anyone.  The irony of this is that I had a conversation via text (grrr ugh gasp and die lol!!!)  with one of those guys that had approached me about this very thing--removing time limits and being open to whatever God allows.  It connected to my own need to be open-minded.  Most importantly it revealed to me yet another area I had not totally submitted to God.  The beauty of the last 12 months is that I've become this WHY? Marquita.  I ask myself why I am doing a particular thing, I ask God to show me the root and then I take that thing to God for Him to fix it.  This was a direct product of me not following my heart--following God's voice--and sacrificing me to do what other people thought was best.  I'm realizing right now that this connected to my need to people-please instead of pleasing God by using the gifts He gave me and fulfilling those passions in my heart.

Because of where I am in life, I proudly confess daily who I am, and I am so far from noncommittal its ridiculous.  I am not who the world says I am, but who I see myself to be.  And I see myself as many things.  I will be a wife and mother someday (not tomorrow smile, y'all will be the first to know outside of my family :D) because I already confess that I am.  I will be a judge because I boldly make the confession that I am one already.  I am many things now because I've said it...but this time what makes it different is that I no longer limit God and His ability to make my dreams my reality.  I've been tearing down walls for a few years now and I cannot trade who I am becoming for who I was.  I encourage you today to examine yourself and see why things in your life are going awry...I guarantee it is because you've spoken it over yourself--acquiescing to family curses and what your mom and dad or grandma said you would be--and you have not fully submitted to God...so I hope this blesses you and empowers you to submit that thing to God--well your whole life to Him!  Speak life...speak to your dreams...speak to your reality and let God show you what you can have, be, and do in this life.  Its not too late to go back to school, to meet the man or woman of your dreams; its not too late on a relationship that you felt could have been 'the one'--IF that's God's will for you, or to get out of debt, or to a better, purpose-centered, focused and driven life.  Stop saying I can't and I won't and let God use you.  Let God manifest His love for the world through you by release fear and speaking love.  Be love.  Just Be.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13