Revived in the Fight

"This is my comfort and consolation in my affliction: that Your word has revived me and given me life. [Rom. 15:4.]"

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭119:50‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Today was a beautiful day...but it didn't start that way for me. I began a prayer challenge almost two weeks ago, or rather a period of warring in prayer. Every other challenge has been amazing, but this one hasn't been. If I'm honest, it has actually been very difficult. Why? God has called me to pray for some heavy things. Things that require a greater level of faith...people who I haven't had to pray for in a while...things I don't want to do!  But I fully accept the challenge now.

I knew it was different because I haven't been getting rest. I've been tired when I wake up. I was sick last week and I have been trying to shake it off. God reminded me that the devil loves to attack us when we are physically weary so I knew I needed to get rested in some way. But it alerted me to the seriousness of my prayer requests...the lives at stake, the destinies in jeopardy, the promises on the verge of abortion, the futures that were going to be miscarried.  So I committed to pray harder, seeking more scriptures and rededicating myself to warring in prayer as an intercessor.  Then this morning I just knew I needed to get up off my humps and go home. I wanted to go to my home church but I just couldn't get myself to leave. I listened to the live streaming of my church in New Orleans and God began His spiritual IV for one area of my prayers in that service.

So I had planned to go see War Room yesterday but the line at the movie theater was too long. So I planned to go after leaving the grocery store and unpacking the groceries. When I got in, I began to cook and it just didn't happen so I planned to go today.

So back to today...I just knew I needed to get home.  It began raining at 11:15am or so. So even in the rain, I drove home. I wanted to go to the movie at 5:00...but I didn't get to Columbia until 5:15, with the rain and almost running out of gas 😅.  I knew I had to see the movie today though. I started crying while watching my streaming service because they showed the preview of the movie and the Spirit hit me then.  

So when I finally saw it...it was waves of confirmation and caused me so many tears. Literally everything they mentioned in the movie were things I was already doing. I already pray for my future husband daily, I documented answered prayer via a prayer journal I had, I had a set apart area for prayer (well in New Orleans...and in my room recently)...the things I abandoned, I saw today that I needed to revive these practices. 

Maybe you've seen the movie, but it did for me what I needed today. It revived me. It gave me a divine surge of faith and encouragement to get back to God and the faith practices I had previously. It helped me to see the need to be so focused on God that you aren't overtaken by the distractions the enemy sends.  This morning I was overwhelmed spiritually...now I'm ready to keep pressing. I'm ready to speak life to dead things in my life and in the lives of those I'm assigned to pray for right now. I have many prayer requests that I've turned over to Him but I need to combine the prayers with faith and go the extra mile by backing them with scripture.

Like these scriptures say, I've been quickened by His word and I've been revived. Funny thing, this past week was revival at my home church. God spoke revival to me earlier this year and I believe today He revived some things for me and for those that saw the movie. Intercession is difficult at times because it requires a bearing down and a pressing. It requires the persistence of the Persistent Widow (Luke 18) and the bold faith and the audacity of the importune neighbor(Luke 11). It reminded me exactly what the prayer challenge is supposed to do. 

God has reminded me of storms a lot lately...and the kind of authority it takes to speak to a storm. Intercession is praying before the storm, in the midst and after the storm. It's holding God at His word for what He said. It's taking God back His word and demanding the obstacles submit to the truth of who God is. He was speaking to me today and for this season to stand up and remember who I am. Today I encourage you to be revived and remember who you are. 

I love you and I'm praying for you. If there is something specific you'd like prayer for, please message me at lifeinspiredbygod@gmail.com and I'll add you to my prayer list. Be revived!!

"I will never forget Your precepts, [how can I?] for it is by them You have quickened me (granted me life)."

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭119:93‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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Get A Word For You

***I wrote this on Friday!***

Many times I've found myself looking for a word for somebody...especially when they are going through or needing encouragement. I've even gotten to a place now of accepting that my struggles and battles aren't my own.

But today, after a great many things have drained me over the course of this week, I listened to God's words to my heart and got a word for me. 

I began reading a devotional - Character of a Leader - and today's readings spoke of Great Leaders and Authority.  Although the reading was excellent, and definitely something I'll apply at work and in all my endeavors, the word for me was in the highlighted verse.  Matthew 8:26.

It reminded me that even in the storms of life, I can have peace. It reminded me that even when I'm serving others and possibly going through, being tormented or tested in my own life, I can have a perfect peaceableness. Because I submit to God and  I trust in the authority of Jesus, I can rest and go through the storms of life with confidence. That was the word for me today. That with everything going on, getting pulled in every which way, be still and remember who has the authority. Trust in Him, rest in Him and be assured that God within me will get me through and has empowered me to speak to the storms. 

Don't be so busy that you don't submit to God for your daily dose. Don't get so lost that you find yourself drowning. Invite Him in and get your word. 

Take A Risk

Hey y'all!

To be honest I can't tell you the last time I wrote for Straight No Chaser...but I felt it in my heart this morning as I was reflecting before beginning my day that I needed to bridge my two "personas" --my two blogs by sharing my journey over the last 2 months, and honestly the last 8 months.  

Straight No Chaser began last year almost as a joke and a platform for me primarily and a few friends to give advice on life/career and relationships.  Yet I knew I've always had a purpose in advising people to find the right solution for their problems...I'll be beginning life coaching soon!  With Life Inspired By God, the vision for writing was given to me in 2009 during a dream about my calling.  Since then, I healed from my deep rooted wounds by sharing my testimony with a biblical lesson.  It's my first baby and will always hold a place in my heart.  So to begin, my purpose in writing tonight is to encourage all of you to take a risk.  Here is my testimony.

At the beginning of this year, I undertook the challenge of finding a single word to guide my year.  It was quite a challenge, I'll say the least.  To squeeze your entire existence for the year into one word...on first thought was unheard of and unfathomable for me.  But as I began to "LIVE", for the first time in my life I began to understand all of the many definitions I wrote for the word.  I went from confirming the lessons I learned in evaluating relationships and friendships, to dealing with codependency issues, to shutting my mouth all the way down (from Loose Lips Lucy to Silent Bob), to sharing daily lessons before I hit the life-altering 30, to sharing secrets from being molested, to trying veganism, to "making miracles" by practicing gratefulness, to now finishing an 8 week journey to call in the "one" (wink wink) and truthfully manifest love in every area of my life.  I've probably read about 30 books so far (I'm stretching it a tad...maybe about 10 or 15 books...I honestly don't know.  But this was all possible because I took a risk, or rather a chance on myself.  I decided to sit out of law school this year.  Rather than be go, go, go Quita (SNC y'all know me as Sasha 😘) I decided to completely trust God to show me the way.

So these last 8 weeks between the gratefulness lists and the daily readings and weekly calls for Calling In the One, I've done a lot of changing.  I regularly meditate as part of my daily prayer time.  I maintain some form of physical activity every day.  I keep it all the way 100 with myself by acknowledging my feelings. My life has been in a constant state of change and transition. But my journey has been beautiful.  I don't think I've cried this much since I was younger, but it's been to shed the old skin, or as the Bible says, have new skin for the new wine.  

Like I said I've challenged myself...I've started dating again (whoo hooo 😱😝) and I've gotten to know me in ways I never knew myself.  I smile more, I'm happier because I've truly spent the last 8 weeks being grateful every day and realizing I do have a lot to be grateful for.  While all of the shifts have been traumatic, they were necessary risks.  

Before I turned 30, I prayed about this next decade and what it would hold for me. I know now to never say never and that adventure is on the other side of the door if you open it.  I prayed to be prepared for love and who knew just being honest about your feelings and being grateful and letting go of some old garbage you were unaware you were still holding would pave the way for that.  I'm not saying I met my husband, maybe I did and am unaware...but I took a risk to live and have allowed love to be my life supply.  

So my point in sharing tonight was to do a few things: 1) link my blog readership (I needed to revive my babies lol), 2) be transparent and merge all of me into one pretty unique box, and 3) to challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone.  Ironically enough, I've been seeing "get comfortable being uncomfortable" so much I know I'm talking to myself!  But seriously, take a chance on you. Whether it's doing some intensive healing, picking one word that is the overarching focus of your life for the year (seriously look up "My One Word" -- its been a huge blessing to my life, goodbye New Year's Resolutions!!), pursuing a dream wholeheartedly, or taking the journey to receive true love (whether he's a good friend, or she's the last woman on earth you could imagine yourself with), do yourself a solid  and choose you.  Choose you...by taking a risk and doing something that could change the entire trajectory of your life.  Choose you by putting things in proper perspective.  Choose you and live the life you have, not allowing it to pass you by like a bullet train.  

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take...so take one now!

Love Is

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.  1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi everybody! I pray you all are blessed. I had initially thought to record this...but I'm in no condition to do that right now. So let's jump right in.

Over 5 years ago, on March 22, 2010, I was home in Columbia, at Richland Memorial Hospital with my family, in a chapel.  Hours before, my momma and I were home praying.  Doctors called us that morning and told us that my daddy was almost gone.  My momma couldn't make the decision to take him off life support.  God spoke to my heart that day to speak from 1 Corinthians 13.  I only read the chapter and I knew what God wanted me to say.  I spoke that day in front of family and friends with my momma behind me about how God had taught how to love by witnessing His faithfulness through the love my parents had, even up until my daddy's death.  And God gave us the greatest gift in seeing my daddy kiss my mom one last time.  Shortly afterwards, he took his last breath.

Fast forward 5 years and 5 months later to today, August 22, 2015.  I've spent the last 8 weeks learning about love, or rather, identifying the things that have come to block me from receiving love.  God had me on a whirlwind journey...meditating, praying, drawing, coloring, singing, dancing, sitting on the beach, just getting to the depths of myself so that He could open me up to receive His love.  I realized the one thing I wasn't doing all these years was actually allowing someone to love me, to be vulnerable, to need someone else. Hindsight is 20/20, so I see He put me right in the places where I would  need other people, where I would be reliant on people for shelter, for peace of mind, for unconditional love, specifically right now.  And as this is the last week of my course, God saw fit to gift wrap all this with a bow.  

Along this journey, I've pulled down strongholds and lies, given up my worries to God and left them in a box for Him to handle.  It began in 2011 with God taking away that intense anger I had by teaching me to forgive. But this process took me deeper and did a cleansing, repairing and healing work in my heart.  This week, before I could even speak it aloud, He answered some of those prayers. During this time, He helped me to feel, to breathe, to understand, to not feel judged, to not question myself, and to actually live.  I'm no longer consumed with getting married because I know it will happen.  I'm no longer afraid to get married, for fear of marrying the wrong person or failing at marriage because God has freed me from that fear.  I no longer fear making the wrong decisions because I know enough to take everything to God in prayer and to trust that the answer will come and be revealed in its due season.  I know enough that God did not give me these dreams I have in vain, because He knew He could trust me with them.  So this week, God answered countless prayers, but He answered one in a way I never imagined.

I woke up 4:35 on Thursday am.  I normally wake up to go the bathroom, but this time was different.  So I prayed in the Spirit and fell back asleep.  When I finally woke up, I literally wondered why God woke me up and went along my day.  By some bizarre occurrence, the power went out at work and knocked our internet off.  I went to the restroom and came back and was told to work from home.  I lingered for a moment and left.  I thought to go to Starbucks but instead came to my brothers.  I got there as my sister in law pulled up.  I came inside and sat downstairs.  My little brother got home shortly afterwards. Then I got a message from my mom...a video she found of my daddy playing with Parker.  This was from 2009...they used to keep Parker for me while I traveled for work.  I hadn't seen him really alive like that since then...because he began slipping away from us at the end of 2009.  It was raining, and I was supposed to see my friend to the airport so I couldn't leave.  God made sure I was in a safe place, around love, to see my daddy again, to cry and laugh.

As I think about this week, and well the last 8 weeks since I've been 30 and if I'm real, this entire year so far, God has gone above and beyond to love me.  Oh how He loves me, let me count the ways, lol...

Love is having me release the secret shame of being molested as a child and being able to minister to someone who experienced the same thing growing up immediately after.  Love is having me "make miracles" by being grateful for every feeling I experienced and basically getting out of His way for Him to do the heavy lifting and moving...I actually began this at the beginning of the year with my happiness jar and took it further with Project Miracles. Love is having me spend the days up to my 30th birthday acknowledging and sharing the lessons He taught me, with it culminating by my releasing 7 white balloons at the ocean.  Love is God answering the prayers I prayed the 40 days prior to my birthday in a way only He could.  Love is leading me to do 10 days vegan towards the end of those 21 days and me losing the weight I had been trying to lose the previous 4 months, even after not being able to work out due to doctor's orders.  Love is me going to Cancun and losing my phone and finding it after trusting His voice that I would, including having complete strangers and my linesisters help me look.  

Love is me sharing my testimony with people I know and strangers I don't via videos and in person and being okay with it.  Love is me acknowledging my feelings and letting go of someone I loved that didn't know my worth.  Love is me forgiving those who've hurt and betrayed me.  Love is empowering me to apologize to those I've hurt and restoring friendships.  Love is seeing God answer my prayers for my family before my eyes.  Love is my being told this week that I don't have to look for a job, should I decide to return to Atlanta, that they will find one for me.  Love is going to an event for my dream company and receiving yet another shot at possibly working there and an unexpected gift. 

Love is God manifesting everything I've prayed about by moving the mountains of bitterness in my heart.  Love is God having me in a place spiritually where the very ones who hurt me the worse are people I am willing to accept back into my life--not because of guilt, but because I am healed and I know that I'm a different person so they cannot treat me the same.  Love is recognizing the different people in your life and not forcing them to be more than they are.  Love is recognizing when seasons and relationships change and still wanting the best for those people. Love is being all of you with no apologies and loving it.

Love is my going to the kidney doctor last week and my kidney function and vitals being the highest they have ever been in the last nearly 10 years, probably longer...in that alone, He reminded me of my prayers and faith for complete healing and that He is healing me.  Love is my spending last weekend with my family and having the best time of my life, laughing and dancing at the wedding with my best friend, then Sunday getting soaked at Frankie's for my niece's 3rd birthday.  Love is seeing my niece's face light up over her birthday gifts.  Love is my baby niece running to me to hug me or giving me a kiss every time she sees me.  Love is the healing laughter we shared as a family on Sunday.  Love is God answering my mom's prayer to hear my daddy's voice again...and mine to see him again.  Love is knowing that God has positioned me to do just what He put in my heart to do.  Love is knowing I don't have to compromise at all, neither God's instructions to me nor my desires.  Love is manifested in answered prayer.  Love is God answering my childhood prayers for a sister with two particularly special women and a host of others.  Love is telling me its not too late to do those things I love.  Love is receiving wisdom and sharing it.  Love is taking your power back and recognizing it's not you but them. Love is accepting God's correction to make you better and knowing the difference between His correction and someone's criticism.  Love is having healthy boundaries.  Love is listening intently to just listen versus to respond or have the last word.  Love is being humble. Love is being open to receive Love however God chooses to send it.  Love is telling me to endure.  Love is knowing that this isn't even the half of what God has for me. Love is being alive and living outside of your box to see the abundance and limitlessness of God's love in all its splendor.

I've learned what love is not.  Love is not controlling things or attempting to control or manipulate people, hiding yourself, ignoring your feelings.   Love is not forcing your views on a person (1 Cor 13:5) or trying to make them change, but instead loving them as they are, even if they never change.  Love is seeing who they will be, and praying that God brings them forward, but loving them right where they are anyway.  Love is not rushing them to heal. Love is not holding on to frustrations with people but instead trusting them to the only person who can do something about them.  Love is not painful, but people can cause pain.  Love is not ugly, but when you look at it through the wrong lens, the picture in front of you can be distorted.  For so many years, for me love was distorted and painful.  Love was lonely.  Love hurt.  But thank God for new beginnings, healing, and restoration.

God has had me do so many things this last year...all appointed and directed by Him.  As I welcome in this next phase of life with a lighter load, and all that God has in store for me awaiting me, I finally know what it's like to let someone love me...to be in love with God.  Once I stopped living the lie and living in the light, my perspective changed.

I spent a long time looking for love in the wrong places. I'm grateful for the day I turned to God.  Love has changed me...healed me...freed me.  Love like this is beautiful and makes me look forward to the ways He chooses to reveal His love for me in the future...but if He does nothing else, He has already done so much.  I'm grateful for this journey and for how God has chosen to love me. I encourage you today to look at your life.  Measure it by 1 Corinthians 13.  Have you allowed God to show you what love really is?  Or have you been creating a picture of what you think love should be?  Anything less than what God has for you will always be unfulfilling.  Anything less than your divine purpose will leave you searching.  I'm glad that my story is my story.  Of course I would rather I had not gone through the things I've gone through, but God has used everything, so far, to bless me. It's so easy to give up when there is distorted love all around us.  Even in some of our homes...love has been tainted and tarnished.  I'm thankful today to know what love really is.  I encourage you to take the steps necessary to find out!

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  1 Corinthians 13:7

You're Worth It

And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.  Luke 12:7

So Sunday at church I had the sweetest experience.  It was Youth and Teens Day, where the youth and teens are responsible for leading the service and the worship experience.  And I don't know what it was, but I was truly overcome by the Spirit.  I truly believe it was because these children were worshipping the Lord from a pure heart, not seeking anything but just wanting to praise God.  They sang several songs I was familiar with so I was able to jump right into the experience.  

Then they sang this song, Worth, by Anthony Brown and Group Therapy that hit every part of my heart.  Here are the lyrics:

You thought I was worth saving

So you came and changed my life

You thought I was worth keeping

so you cleaned me up inside

You thought I was to die for

so you sacrificed your life

So I could be free

So I could be whole

So I could tell everyone I know

repeat chorus (3 times)

Hallelujah

Glory to God who changed my life

Forever

Because I am free

Because I am whole

And I will tell everyone I know

Repeat

You thought I was worth saving

So you came and changed my life

You thought I worth keeping

So you cleaned me up inside

You thought I was to die for

You sacrificed your life

So I can be free

End

This song expressed every feeling I've had lately about how much God loves me.  He loved me enough to lead me to let go of people, disconnecting from some altogether and others to be repositioned into their proper circles and spheres.  He loved me enough to teach me my worth, in His eyes.  He loved me enough to heal me...to restore my kidney function (claiming it, already made progress), to heal me from childhood wounds, to empower me to be bold, and to allow me to live in the light.  He restored me and brought me back to life.  So as they sung, these were little kids and teenagers singing this song, God reminded me to have the heart of a child in my approach to Him and His throne.  He reminded me that I needed to be open and willing to receive with a pure heart and with innocence.  Before now I couldn't do that.  I needed to remember that God loves me unconditionally without pretenses, like a child does his mother and a mother does her child.  I needed to know that God favors me with an everlasting love and wants to see me become all that He has planned for me to be.  I needed to move beyond limitations and into freedom...being free enough to come to Him as a child!  Little kids don't care about what people think, they just laugh, dance, shout, play and be free in that innocence.  

Maybe you need to know you're worth it too.  You are worth saving, loving, healing, redeeming, restoring, and renewing.  You are worth separating from that unhealthy situation, you are worth changing how you see yourself, you are worth being renewed.  You are worth it.  I encourage you to listen to the song, but I wish you could have heard the children sing it.  God loves you with all of Himself. He created you for Himself, and gave His only son for you to live!  So live today!  YOU ARE WORTH IT!

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!  Matthew 7:11

Windows of Opportunity

***I actually wrote this last year sometime while I was still in New Orleans.  For whatever reason, God has me tying up loose ends, including finishing devotions I started or sending out ones that have been in drafts for months and even years.  Hope this blesses you!***

For just as you once were disobedient to God, but now have been shown mercy because of their disobedience, so these also now have been disobedient, that because of the mercy shown to you they also may now be shown mercy. Romans 11:30-31

Today I was slightly disobedient.  Well I guess not slightly.  I was walking Parker and God told me to say something to this lady I passed by.  I resisted and did not because she was a complete stranger and I felt that I was supposed say something more to her.  I asked God to forgive me and then I heard more from Him.  When we disobey God we miss windows of opportunity to pour into others, we miss opportunities to reap His blessings in seemingly pointless situations, and we miss the chance to step out and trust Him in uncertainty.

I then thought about why we disobey God and how do we miss out on these windows.  This is what I saw:

1. Fear

2. Stubbornness and Rebellion

3. Opinions of Others

Truthfully what usually happens is some combination of the three.  You fear the opinions of others and in stubbornness you don't act or more as God tells you to.  I was afraid to speak up to an older white lady and tell her what God instructed me to say to her.  Like I said I felt I was supposed to say more, but that initial word was my window, both to do God's will and to possibly have the extended conversation with her.  But I allowed my thoughts to keep me from being obedient.

I have countless other stories of my disobedience to God smh.    Times He has nudged me to say something to my family or friends and out of fear of what they thought, I kept the vice grips on my mouth.  There were other times when I was supposed to not do something that I instead did.  

***Fast forward to today, 08/12/2015*** As I look back on this, God has given me other situations in which He told me to do something unorthodox and strange.  Fortunately, I believe I've passed the tests since then and gotten so much peace in being obedient.  I encourage you today to take every opportunity as it comes and to be used of God as He desires.  Don't hesitate, don't wait.  Move at His decree and be a blessing!  The seed you sow in someone else could be the final seed needed to experience that breakthrough.  Be selfless and generous in your obedience.  Someone could be waiting on you!

Surrender Explained

So far I have had two dreams that I can clearly see as dreams instructing me to surrender. One was probably three years ago with God as a gentle lion and one from last year that revealed the platform He has given me will expand no matter how much I tried to force it back small. Once I stopped fighting its expansion, I was able to move on. What's key to point out is that afterwards, I was peaceful and walking with ease, just allowing things to happen.

I realized after putting some pieces together that the concept of surrender is far greater than I had previously conceived it to be. Once you stop fighting the feelings and surrender to them, they can no longer control you. Once you stop trying to force your way and follow God, things fall into place peacefully...you will get those things that God intends for you. Once you accept things and people as they are, you are freed. Control is a false mental construct that makes us believe our input or hands on/in a situation can alter its outcome. While we can often alter an outcome, it's usually never better than if we would allow God to lead the way. How do I know?  I've made many the mess of a situation only to turn back to God. I ran from His instructions and eventually returned back to Him to do what He said in the first place. When I didn't have the strength to do things, He gave it to me. 

Surrender is often multi-faceted because we can only surrender those things we are aware of. If you don't know a certain thing controls you, how can you surrender it to God for deliverance from it? Healing? Progression? The key is in allowing God to show you everything about yourself.  It is often very difficult to do, but there is freedom in it.  There is beauty in that transparency.  It helps you to live authentically and without reservations.

Surrender isn't just praying about a thing one time.  Sometimes it's taking it back to God repeatedly until it no longer consumes you and you have peace knowing that it will work out how God wants it to. You keep taking this issue back to God in prayer until you no longer have the need to exercise control over or force it to be fixed by your hands or in your timing.  Or you can get fed up and release it once and for all.  I've experienced both sides of the coin.  Ultimately, it's relaxing into a place of peace regardless of the outcome.  Either way, if it is a one time thing or you have to continually "wash yours hands of the situation", its the complete release of a thing to God for Him to handle and resolve on your behalf.

Get to your point of surrender and trust God to work it out better than you ever could.  Life is sweeter on the other side of surrender!

Willing

*I wrote this during the first full week of February...my how quickly things change!  This all happened within the course of one week.*

After all this, God tested Abraham. God said, "Abraham!" "Yes?" answered Abraham. "I'm listening." He said, "Take your dear son Isaac whom you love and go to the land of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains that I'll point out to you." (‭Genesis‬ ‭22‬:‭1-2‬ MSG)

After all this, God tested Abraham. God said, "Abraham!" "Yes?" answered Abraham. "I'm listening." He said, "Take your dear son Isaac whom you love and go to the land of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains that I'll point out to you."

They arrived at the place to which God had directed him. Abraham built an altar. He laid out the wood. Then he tied up Isaac and laid him on the wood. Abraham reached out and took the knife to kill his son.

Just then an angel of GOD called to him out of Heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Yes, I'm listening." "Don't lay a hand on that boy! Don't touch him! Now I know how fearlessly you fear God; you didn't hesitate to place your son, your dear son, on the altar for me." Abraham looked up. He saw a ram caught by its horns in the thicket. Abraham took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. Abraham named that place GOD -Yireh ( GOD -Sees-to-It). That's where we get the saying, "On the mountain of GOD, he sees to it." The angel of GOD spoke from Heaven a second time to Abraham: "I swear— GOD 's sure word!—because you have gone through with this, and have not refused to give me your son, your dear, dear son, I'll bless you—oh, how I'll bless you! And I'll make sure that your children flourish—like stars in the sky! like sand on the beaches! And your descendants will defeat their enemies. All nations on Earth will find themselves blessed through your descendants because you obeyed me." (‭Genesis‬ ‭22‬:‭1-2, 9-18‬ MSG)

I don't think my telling this in words via a video could do this justice. So here goes. 

Last year before I left New Orleans, I kept hearing 'a ram in the bush.'  I thought at the time it pertained to several different things, but the last of those was the church I would attend in moving back to Charleston to begin ministerial preparations. I had already gotten the affirmation of my calling through a complete stranger on one of my YouTube videos from which I cried. God was speaking so clearly to me. 

I have since realized in being back home God meant something else. In climbing my own Mount Moriah, I have had to bring a great many things with me: the desire of marriage and my own family, returning to my job with the navy, moving back to Atlanta, getting out of debt, having my own place...so many things. Over the last 8 months, God has stripped me and built me up in many ways, strengthening and deepening my love for Him through it all. I don't have it all together, but I know it will all work out. So that brings me to my latest fork in the road. 

I sent an email to close friends and family alike to pray for me as I have had a word of 'Move' in my belly for quite some time. It seems as soon as I surrendered the marriage burden and let go of some things, God began putting bait in front of me to focus my eyes on Him. It was very appealing and I had settled it in my heart and mind that I would move in whichever direction or location He said to. Since that time, I have had several job interviews, some favorable, some not but in the process God taught me my worth. It also taught me to speak up for myself instead of just asking for the bare minimum. But God wasn't done (and thank God He isn't done yet!)

You see I began the My One Word challenge in January where my word is live. I also read a few books, the Wild Goose Chase, the Best Yes and My One Word, that have all helped to point out things about me that needed to be changed so I can move in the right direction. I needed to make decisions for me, I needed to stop being afraid of failing or making the wrong decisions, I needed to stop being indecisive and letting things, people and situations decide for me.  I needed to release guilt from making my own choices.  I needed to live. 

In this process I've learned tons. In beginning the next books on my list, Crazy Love, which was inspired by the reading plan of the same name I completed, I realized today that I have been living so narrow minded...focusing in with a narrow lens that these things are about me...when they are all a part of the bigger plan of manifesting God's will through me. So it brings me to my point. 

Yesterday I had a reading from my other challenge, Love Does by Bob Goff, where we have to pray that God reveals Himself or His kingdom operating in an unorthodox place.  The reading suggested your city's red light district or your job, so I asked Him to do it at my job.  I have already submitted all the paperwork for moving and starting my new job.   Then in an instant, God showed me how He has been working for me here at my current job, how I have grown in leaps and bounds, how I have learned so much and matured just in working here.  All because I was willing to do whatever He said.  I left New Orleans and came back here when He said move, and then after this, I was willing to go again.  

I felt like Abraham much the last few years...that strange willingness to leave and go to the place He would show me.  In every situation I've faced, He has shown me where He wants me to be.  

The greatest lesson I've learned through Abraham and all of these experiences is to merely be willing. Go on the journey.  Take the step.  Trust God's leading, and when the path turns, keep walking.  Because most of all, through it all, the path is for you and you alone, so it will all work out better than you could ever plan yourself.  God only seeks a willing person to be willing to do His will...to be willing to trust Him to manifest His plans and glory in and over your life.  Trust that He will do it and consider it done!

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.  Romans 8:28

In The Grand Scheme of Things

But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us ...  2 Corinthians 7:6

I got some devastating news last night that was confirmed this morning.  One of the people who was influential in my college career, including my becoming a Delta, passed away.  The worst part of this was that she passed away 3 years ago and I didn't know. Mrs. Crystal Wesley Lackey was an angel for me.  She made sure I had a job during my junior and senior years of college (I was a mentor at the Intel Computer Clubhouse).  She was definitely a should to cry on at various points and a pillar of strength both practically and spiritually.

As my mind is spinning right now, the one thing that stands out through the spinning, is whether in the grand scheme of things, is my desired destination and the things I am pursuing worth all the effort and losses along the way? Worth the weddings missed, birthdays that passed, friendships that have ended?  Is it worth it?  Is it worth the lives lost and the good-byes I never got to say?  Is it worth it?  I think that's why God made My One Word focus for the year to be "live".  Because in constantly pressing past the pain, overlooking it and sometimes ignoring it altogether to get to "some place", I've compounded the pain, which I still had to deal with (thank God I've done that now!!), and I have missed opportunities to be there for people when it meant the most.

I have comfort in knowing that Ms. Wesley wanted me to pursue greatness and to continue in the trajectory I'm going.  I have comfort in knowing that this woman, who helped to instill strength and wisdom in me at critical points in my life, is proud of me for doing all the things I've done in my life thus far, especially spiritually.  She would not have been disappointed in me for doing these things.

This has taught me that no matter how busy life gets, that its important to step outside of your bubble and make sure to connect with the ones who matter...because in the grand scheme of things, God blesses us, gives to us, and teaches us through the people He puts in our lives.

Rest in Paradise Ms Wesley...I'm forever grateful to you for your contributions to the woman I am today!

Let It Burn

Last week I finally burned my list of things I was releasing.  I was so busy after I came back from Mexico/Atlanta (I had an amazing time at the Google Sandbox and got a Google watch too woot woot), that I never got around to it.  Let me back up...you're wondering what list right?  So let me back up to the last 5 weeks.

On June 29, I began a course named "Calling In the One".  Every book God brings across my path I pray about and read if He gives me release.  One of the things I prayed about during my 40 day prayer challenge prior to my 30th was that I be prepared for marriage and motherhood, to be the best wife I can be to my husband and the best mother to my children.  Part of that process was the 21 Days to Freedom I did concurrently...sharing a secret to shine the light on the darkness caused by my molestation and to release it.  This course was the second part of that, rather the first part.  I saw the book a few times before but this time I heard read this.  It was about 2 weeks before my birthday. So I shared it with my friends that were praying with me and we began on the 29th. 

Over the last 5 weeks, my life has truly changed.  Part of it was identifying wounds I had merely covered with a bandage, things I had never truly given to God.  Most of it seemed to be the culmination of the journey of surrender that began last year in May with a dream I had.  And as only God can do, I've seen parts of that dream to manifest in the natural, as the reminder that everything I'm doing is God's will.  

So as I finally burned the list, I noticed several things:

1) It took a long time for the list to burn.  I assumed that since it was still paper (albeit drawing paper), it would burn pretty quickly and I could get back to my car and leave.  Wrong...and as that translates to life, sometimes, the monuments we create in life, the fortresses of anger and hurt we create are difficult to come down.  It took time to get them there, so it takes time for them to come down.  

2) I had to relight the paper several times.  So, sometimes, you have to restart your healing and forgiveness/deliverance process.  Sometimes you have to take a break, and work on only what you are capable of releasing at that moment in time.  Give yourself time to heal in between the breakings.  Give yourself time to process and understand why things happened or more importantly, to understand what lesson you can learn in hindsight.  

3) Sometimes the wind will blow...and put the fire out.  Recognize that life, and the enemy, will send obstacles your way to your healing and progression.  Don't let those obstacles stop you from getting your breakthrough. 

4) After it was all said and done, the last word that remained was "SELF".  I believe that it was part of selfishness, but I kept trying to burn that last word and in that I got a word.  God clearly spoke to me that the hardest thing to surrender is self.  How you see yourself, how you see you in relation to the things that happened to you...whether or not you acknowledge your wrongs and faults... The hardest thing for me to let go of what how I saw me.  But I'm grateful that along with all the things and people I released, I released the old me.  No longer is she here, but instead, I live and await the beauty of the things God promised me.

I am so grateful for letting go.  In these last almost 6 weeks of being 30, I have released people, apologized to people, owned my truth and released deep rooted scars and wounds, realized that I can provide correction in love and still have my feelings acknowledged, learned that I don't have to deny my feelings to protect others, and learned to just be free.  There is no more shame...no more needing to appease people...no more needing to cover up or make accommodations for people.  It's a total place of healing to be honest with everyone in your life with no intention to hurt someone.  I've also been able to see people in a different light, people I normally would have kept curbing.  I'm grateful to be open to life as God wants me to live it.  I'm free.  In freedom, there is abundance.  In freedom, there is healing.  In freedom, there is love.  Get free...let it burn.