All I Have To Give

But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. 1 John 4:4

I don't know what happened yesterday and this past weekend...but I experienced a lot...great things.  So many things that I had a semi-clear understanding of became clear.  God pressed my heart to finally reveal an area of struggle with you all and to talk about how He's delivered me.  

For many years I struggled with the concept of celibacy...of choosing to turn away from fornication.  With this being one of the biggest issues that the church faces, it's shocking that it is seldom discussed and most ministers are mum about it. Why you say, I honestly believe that many people don't really see it as a sin.  Or if they do, they don't see it as a big sin. But see here the very contradiction to that way of thought:

"I have the right to do anything," you say—but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13You say, "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both." The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." 17But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

We are told to flee sexual immorality. But clearly that ain't happening anymore. With the highest numbers of children being born out of wedlock and the resulting single parent homes, people are having plenty of unmarried sex. I know because I was on waning the number. Yep people with callings and practicing ministers fall into this too.

At the point I came to terms with the assignment that God was calling me to, all I had left was a broken and tattered heart. I was single and not really sure I wanted to be and because of how I saw myself, I was not sure I was of any use to God.  1 Corinthians 7 provides a wealth of clarity on the benefit of being single and I suggest you read that to maximize your time and life in a period of singleness, but the passage above from 1 Corinthians 6 is the passage that convicted me.  I'll be honest, I've been celibate many times until I would get involved with someone, and like many in my generation, I fell into the habit of giving myself to that person, who was not my husband (clearly because I'm single) even though that person was someone who I wasn't sure I would be with forever. If I'm honest, I hoped that God would bless the relationship despite my disobedience. And sometimes God does that. It became a means of validation for me; it was a stupid lie that tricked me into believing that my giving my gift away would somehow help us to stay together. Nevermind the fact that the mole hills of problems that were budding always grew exponentially into mountains after that. My worth as a woman was measured by my ability to be able to please a man sexually or worse, to wait around for him to stop lying and become the man I saw he was supposed to become. I can't say that all people who fall into this pattern and view have the same root cause -- for me it was molestation and a need to be accepted and a desire to be loved -- but we all have been attacked by the same root spirits, perversion, lust and bondage. Perversion comes into play because the world told us and still continues to tell us that waiting to stir our passions and awaken love is played out...all the while opening the door for even worse things to come along. Lust comes along for the ride because it attacks our eyes by almost creating a hunger for the object of our affections and makes us victims to the whims of the flesh. Bondage seals the deal because we think we cannot break free, and so we have to keep doing the same things. Sex is a primary selling factor for everything from cakes and cars to the wildest of our dreams. The world promotes our compromise, our defiling of our temples. And because we buy into the lies, we cut more and more of our spiritual umbilical cord.

Now I'm not sharing this to condemn anybody. In fact, I want to help you and save you from making the same mistakes I made. If you can learn by reading my testimony, then read and get your freedom.  

So I don't really know how to start. My truth is that I'm not a virgin. I've been sexually active in the past, and my promiscuity used to be an area of shame for me. I've been involved with different people since I lost my virginity which caused me to pick up tons of baggage I didn't want or need. It's taken me years to heal and let go of the wounded-ness I've received as a result of choosing to get outside of God's will. It was like books stacked upon books, and boxes stacked upon boxes because I would go from relationship to relationship, compressing my pains and compounding it like interest on stocks. People talk about "soul ties" but they don't break it down for you. I had them. I was still caring about people who trampled on my heart and feelings, lied, manipulated and cheated on me after saying they loved me. I was bamboozled with talks of marriage and forever. I was still sticking around at times like a puppy wanting the skewed and distorted perception of love I thought I was receiving from these people. It wasn't until I started asking myself very pointed questions about why things were happening to me and what was it about me that attracted those types of people that I experienced a shift. It was at these times, often points of breaking and intentional consecration that I was able to understand what was going on in me. It was the sex, or at least the Pandora's box that opened after it, that kept me in that cycle. It was giving away my treasure to men that may have loved me in that moment and expecting them to fill a God-sized void. How foolish of me.

I remember a conversation with a former mentor; it actually has been heavy in my thoughts lately. She described our bodies as treasure boxes. Each time we got involved with someone who wasn't our husband (or for you men, your wife), that person would take and take and take, not depositing anything but their issues (transferal), until all you had left was brokenness, heart ache, and a plethora of other issues. That resonated with me last night, and it happens across the board in all relationships, but especially sexual. I ask you today, what do you have left to give? You can't love yourself properly, or anyone else for that matter, from brokenness. When I realized this, I knew it was time to change.

This was heavy on my heart last night and honestly has been a recurring press over the last few years. I started to write about this topic back in 2012 and even before then but truthfully I wasn't ready because I hadn't allowed God to pour back into me. Two songs were on my heart last night, All I Have To Give by Mali Music and Fill Me Up (sung by Casey J, Tasha Cobbs, and PlanetShakers)...and this was what I needed. All I had to give God at the beginning of this journey, several years in the making, was a broken, wounded heart. I needed God to pour back into my empty treasure box. I needed HIM to love me, to validate me, to love me, to assure me that it is okay to go against the norm, to trust His voice and words to me, His instructions and His guidance. I needed to know true love. I won't say that it's easy living this way. In fact it's hard because it is a call to surrender yet again. The wonderful thing about this though, is that I know if no one is here with me, God is here. I know that if no one sees me or loves me, God does. I know that if no one appreciates me or validates me ever again, God does.  I'm grateful for His press in this area, because I have so much clarity now. I have so much peace and it is truthfully very comforting to know that I don't have to compromise any more. Making flesh-based decisions, whether sexual or in any other manner, leads you off and onto unknown tangents that ultimately steer and take you away from God. Today, I encourage you to take a long look at yourself, especially in this area, and see if you want your life to change and be different. Trust God to fill your box again, to make you whole. He will make all things new. ❤️

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3rd Quarter Update: Live and Make Room!

Hey Y'all! This is LONG in advance lol. Bear with me. Read through to the end if you can, lol, and watch the videos if you'd like!

I really pray you are blessed.  I made a 10 minute video trying to summarize all of this...but honestly its too much and does God no justice. I know some of us quantify God's goodness, so to encourage you all, I'm sharing the miracles I've experienced these last 3 months. The short of it: God is so very good... He's great... He's amazing... He's indescribable... He's magnificent... He's better than all of that and I'm humbled every time I think of how much He loves me. For anyone to go to such great lengths across the varied areas of my life to prove His love when He doesn't have to...I'm just so grateful.  And to think I wanted to force things to happen my way, and getting my own way would be by having things happen in my timing...to think of the messes I've been in and the messes I've averted by just letting God lead is incredible.  I wanted Him to do things on my timelines how I thought it needed to happen and if He had, I don't want to think about how things would have been. I absolutely accept that when you want something done big and fabulous, let God show you up. He doesn't do anything half way.

"Live" to me now means accepting opportunities and blessings as they come.  Live means loving unconditionally and without boundaries.  Live means accepting God's love however He chooses to love you. Live means giving God the space to be just that -- God.  Live means loving people even though they aren't living as you'd like, reciprocating your love, being good friends, or even being good to themselves.  Live means sharing your testimony and paying it forward by being a blessing to someone else.  Live means not being selfish and sharing the bounty.  Live means walking in your truth and being true to you and who God created you to be. Live means letting go so you can truly receive.  Live means uprooting up the ugly, infected parts of your heart and soul so that you can truly heal and in healing, create more room in your life and heart for God's glory to be made manifest.  Living means the opposite of dying.  Live means thriving, warm red-blood flowing through you and just being the awesome person God created you to be, flaws and all.  Live means letting the diseased balloons of poor self-esteem, self-image and self-worth go to float away and embracing the truth of who you are.  Live means you stop apologizing for who you are and how you are living when you are walking in God's truth for you. Live means killing comparison and embracing joy. Live means taking calculated risks and stepping out of the boat to walk on the water in big, bold faith. Live means not letting your friends stay behind in the boat, and at least making them aware of how it feels to live beyond the walls.

So the last three months have been nothing short of beautiful...miraculous and wonderful. I've being doing Project Miracles (see this video here: https://youtu.be/uhFGkleegxY) based on the book Make Miracles in 40 Days for the last 3 months now and God has removed some of the ugliest hurts I've had in the process.  I went from being someone who was optimistic because it sounded like a good idea to someone who genuinely sees life with optimism and hope and excitement daily.  I've learned to love, made the decision to be all of me and vulnerable with the right people, and to take calculated risks because the life I see me having and living is waiting on me to choose it versus living in fear and complacency.  Since then, I've let go of a lot more dead weight and baggage. The biggest thing...I acknowledged how I felt and the secrets I kept about being molested. I finally let them go and gained peace in ways I never imagined.

After I began Project Miracles, I did Calling in the One, which came as an answered prayer (to be prepared for marriage and parenthood) during my pre-30 prayer challenge.  I completed it in 8 weeks (I got behind by a week) and in the process, I actually truly invested in myself, something I rarely do. I've gone on dates, opened up my heart to receive and I've learned to accept me as I am instead of beating myself up, including not questioning my likes/dislikes/desires. I embraced being okay  with learning all I can about marriage but enjoying my singleness. But the biggest gift in this process was receiving love however God manifests it. This process made me want to get deeper in my relationship with God. It made me crave God and want to really embody being the Virtuous Woman. One of the biggest blessings was in having a tangible surrender process through the use of my Godbox (one of our assignments) -- a place where I can release things I've been worrying about and where I can literally cast them at God's feet.

While I was doing CITO, I also began meditating regularly...and specifically focused on Love and Prosperity.  I began to brainstorm ideas of ways I could use my passions to create wealth and how I could love on me more to in turn be more loving to others. In the process, I learned the art of being present and really living in the now (I read part of that book actually, The Power of Now, and this process made it plain for me.)  It's amazing being present and actually celebrating/enjoying the people and places in your life.  Right now, I'm doing meditations on letting go and I've repaired some relationships, apologized to some people and opened myself up to receiving the right people in my life.  I cried the ugly cry many times as I realized the things I was holding on to that were keeping me from living and truly loving.  Now that I think about it, these last 3 months, and truthfully this year, were a season of purging and pruning to ready me to receive everything God has for me.

Of course I've experienced losses (but good losses!)...loss of the lies I believed about myself.  I've lost some friends and recategorized relationships.  I've lost the inhibitions I had. I've lost the insecurities and identified others that I must release. I've released the reasoning I used for not stepping up and stepping out.  I've lost the need to overthink things all the while trusting my gut and decided to accept people exactly as they are and love them anyway, whether they are an active participant in my journey or not.  I've lost the need to lie to myself (and God) about the things I ignored.

I've given myself permission to live. To love people right where they are, to speak up and speak out.  I've given myself the keys to freedom and to be me without reservations.  I decided to stop trying to control things a while back, but being controlling dies hard.  Fortunately no thing is immune to prayer.

I've read so many books I can't keep up (and I decided to complete one book a week as a new habit). I'm taking classes so I can improve myself and  execute every area of business I can think of, and I decided to stomp across the water and make a splash in major ways.  I decided to stop living behind the scenes and to shine in the lights. While I won't divulge every plan I have, I will say that I'm glad God answered my spoken prayers and unspoken thoughts.

To think, this whole process began with one word. Live.  And I'm doing that.  God is so funny!! Psalm 118:17 was a verse I confessed for  my healing...and a song by Darlene McCoy just came on my playlist that is saying this scripture. "I shall LIVE and not die."  For years I was dying y'all.  I was miserable. I was broken. I was hurting. I was willing to give up.  But I'm glad for all those years ago. All the prayers I've prayed. All the prayers God has answered and the ways He chose to answer. I am glad that I am living. I am grateful that I don't let life pass me by anymore.  I'm glad that God chose to save me in 2009, and truthfully all the other times before then so that I could live this life now.  The greatest risk I took was to trust God with everything, to surrender, and I'm glad I gave in to Him.

Lastly, so at the beginning of the final quarter of 2015, I will live in a new way: I'm moving again. I "randomly" updated my résumé on Monster and had been receiving calls about jobs and emails multiple times daily since the end of August (about a week after I began this prayer challenge) and on Friday I interviewed for a job and was selected for it the same day. If you want to know how good God is and to understand what He can do for you...think about Him increasing your salary multiple times in less than 15 months and healing you completely from years of torment because of being molested.  If God never does anything else for me, He's done enough.  He changed my mind, how I thought, how I saw myself and how I looked life and others.  Only two years ago I was defeated by the fact I had not ever received a raise at my former job...I was grasping for a plan to get out of debt so that I could sow more into others.  I also did not know why I was so afraid to love and felt incapable of loving others wholly.  I knew it was the enemy coming against me so I had to put those things on the altar for God. I also had to realize "who" I was working for -- was I working for myself, my employer or was I working for God.  I had to overcome the lie of who I allowed the devil to tell me I was. I sowed seeds with what I had: my money, time, talents, and words of encouragement to others.  Since then, God has turned my life around in all of these things...to think now that at points these things consumed me, engulfed me even, is so surreal. I was hopeless.  But God!! He spoke to me one day and began to clear away the lies.  "No more!" These things began happening when God took the blinders off my eyes and I was able to truly understand that He is a limitless God. He elevated me in every area of my life so I could go back and help lift others. These things happened because God wanted me to know I didn't have to be in control anymore, that He will take care of me as He has and does daily. I can't take credit for anything other than doing the work He led me to do and expecting Him to blow my mind.  He has truly done that...if you would have told me these things were going to happen a few years ago I would have laughed at you in disbelief and walked off.  I really can't wait to see what this last quarter has in store for me and 2016! 

So in all of this, I encourage you to live too! I encourage you to seek God for the one thing you can focus on, to allow Him to shape your year and your life through that one thing.  He has taught me to live in so many ways, and He opened my eyes to how I was not living all these years.  I was in bondage, afraid, limiting myself, and now I can say it's all God who did all of these things for me.  Your suffering is not in vain, and although God may not do for you what He's done for me, the truth is that He is not incapable of it. He can do the same, less, better, and different. There is nothing God cannot do. God is limitless. God is Love, and love is the most abundant resource in the universe. Take your every need, concern, desire and want to Him and let Him reorder your life. Don't continue in sin and settling for less than God's best for your life by thinking that your sin is too big for God to deliver you from -- I've had my share of issues, being judgmental, critical of others and myself, doubting, unbelief, fear, lying, struggled with not trusting God for my husband and choosing to do things my way, to include compromising...I had to let it go because I was losing.  Stop losing today! Stop limiting God. When you do that, you begin to make room for the overflow. Be encouraged y'all! I love you!!!

https://youtu.be/Dor43XYkKEI

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.  Romans 8:28

Go and Make Amends

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings."

‭‭Mark‬ ‭11:25-26‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Often in the forgiveness cycle, we hope and wish that those who have wronged us will come to us and ask our forgiveness so that we can forgive them. But as I've learned and perhaps you've heard, forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you to move on. 

However, if you're intuitive and seek God to reveal ways and areas you need to improve, He will burden your heart before you go to bed, sometimes days on end lol, to let things go and right your wrongs. What's even funnier is that I've been asking God to reveal to me situations that I need to release and let go that are holding me back as part of my letting go and releasing meditation series this month.

I know of several situations where I've felt wronged, but two in particular come to mind tonight. In both of the situations, I feel my views were validated and that I was entitled to how I handled the situations. These are clear situations where I need to let go of the wrongs I perceived.  Because contrary to popular belief, perception IS NOT reality. What you perceive to be true is often the farthest thing from the truth. And now I understand why God pressed my heart so heavily about communication earlier today. Communication kills all the speculation. When you go directly to the source and talk about your issues instead of allowing your insecurities and pride to lead you astray, you can fix the issue. Nip it in the butt. Kill it. And on the other hand, the origins of the wrong, whether rooted in someone else's insecurities or pride, is not for you to fix, but for you to turn over to God as part of your forgiveness and release of the situation. 

You have to ask yourself, is holding on to your self-preserving, prideful view of the situation where you have been wronged worth allowing the devil to win and permanently poison the potential of the relationship?

I don't know about you, but the first part of these scriptures, Mark 11:22-24, carry a heavy mantle that I claim as my own. The only condition of receiving this mantle is to forgive. So today, forgive and let it go!

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Touching the Only One Who Matters

"And there was a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years, And who had endured much suffering under [the hands of] many physicians and had spent all that she had, and was no better but instead grew worse. She had heard the reports concerning Jesus, and she came up behind Him in the throng and touched His garment, For she kept saying, If I only touch His garments, I shall be restored to health. And immediately her flow of blood was dried up at the source, and [suddenly] she felt in her body that she was healed of her [distressing] ailment. And Jesus, recognizing in Himself that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth, turned around immediately in the crowd and said, Who touched My clothes? And the disciples kept saying to Him, You see the crowd pressing hard around You from all sides, and You ask, Who touched Me? Still He kept looking around to see her who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had been done for her, though alarmed and frightened and trembling, fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease."

‭‭Mark‬ ‭5:25-34‬ ‭AMP‬‬

I signed up for this reading plan on the Bible app called Imaginitive Contemplation. This reading plan is based on a practice of guided prayer by the Jesuits. My first law school was Jesuit and I wish I had the opportunity to go on one of the silent prayer retreats now...I may find one. This plan has been a tremendous blessing to me, especially today. I'm grateful because in signing up, I found another app named Abide that does guided prayer which will be helpful since I've been doing guided prayer meditations lately outside of this!

So each prayer in the plan is about 15 minutes or so and includes meditation music, the scriptural focus, and a guided direction through the scriptures as if you were there.  In the entry today for the woman with the issue of blood, I found myself in tears because I was able to relate to her story.  I know what it's like seeking healing and being given diagnosis after diagnosis. I know what it's like going to one doctor that's dead set on a treatment plan that may not have been the best for you and you ending up worse. I know what's it's like to feel you've reached the end of your rope. 

So as the speaker led me through the prayer, I saw myself as this woman. I pushed through the crowd, trying to get to Jesus. No number of excuse me's would get me through them. I became indignant because reaching Him was my only chance, my last chance for healing. I finally realized that I spent so much time seeking everything else, relationships, career, dreams, and healing but I did not seek Him.  Once I left all these things at His feet and began to seek Him, I was able to reach Him. Then He turned around and acknowledged me, restored me, validated me, and has still been loving me in miraculous ways. 

After that experience, the love I felt and the love I've experienced these last two months made me realize why God went to such great lengths to get me to surrender. Now instead of wondering what will happen, I know and don't question without a doubt that what God has spoken to me will happen. I don't look at my journey as a curse anymore. I don't question God's love for me. I have things I'm uncertain of but I trust that it will all work out for my good. We all have different roads in life but we all need God. Instead of looking to things and people, today, reach to the one the matters the most, finding in Him everything you need.

"And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease."

‭‭Mark‬ ‭5:34‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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Are You Sinking, Walking, or Looking from the Boat?

22Immediately He made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowds. 23After dismissing the crowds, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. When evening came, He was there alone. 24But the boat was already over a mile from land, battered by the waves, because the wind was against them. 25Around three in the morning, He came toward them walking on the sea. 26When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified. "It's a ghost! " they said, and cried out in fear.

27Immediately Jesus spoke to them. "Have courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

28"Lord, if it's You," Peter answered Him, "command me to come to You on the water."

29"Come! " He said.

And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the strength of the wind, he was afraid. And beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me! "

31Immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt? " 32When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33Then those in the boat worshiped Him and said, "Truly You are the Son of God! "  Matthew 14:22-33

This weekend I had a "Come to Jesus" moment with myself about the current direction of my career and things I would like to be doing in the near future here. I can't do the things I'd like to do right now technically because I haven't allowed myself to be challenged.  I have to thank my linesister Janelle for a recent post of hers that has stuck in my mind...I need to be willing to lose some sleep for these things I want to do.  I realized in a great conversation with another of my Sorority sisters this past Sunday that I really needed to apply some great tidbits I took from an article I read, most notable the paraphrase below:  

"You should switch jobs after you've learned all you need to know."

I honestly asked myself if I knew all I needed to know...and I could definitely say no. So I had to pray.  I know I'm to be here for a while longer so I need to get all I can.  This relates to my dear friend Peter because in this story there are 4 types of people and I need to pick who I am in this season.  Being that I have a picture of a woman walking on water on my vision board with the words "Have Walk On Water Faith" written by my own hand beside it, I need to be like Peter when he got out of the boat and walked on the water and aspire to be like Jesus -- who confidently stood on the water as Peter walked.  So I felt led to share with all of you the insights I gathered from the different people present, and after looking at this list, determine who you are.

First, there is Jesus.  Jesus is fully assured of His identity, of His sonship, of His personage and all his capabilities.  As this relates to work, Jesus knew what He could and could not do.  He had a detailed plan for each day as a result of His deliberate stealing away to pray and putting into action what He saw the Father doing (John 5:19). Ask yourself, do you have a to-do list? Do you have a predetermined goal or thing you'd like to accomplish for your day? Do you focus on one task and execute it?  Many times, I've had several goals, been distracted and ended the day without having completed any of it.  Jesus was methodical, even if unorthodox, but He completed everything He had intended to do.  Have you accomplished the goal? Learned all you can learn?

Next, there is bold, get out of the boat and walk Peter.  This Peter is a G (lolol).  He gets up in the middle of the storm, gets out of the boat and begins to walk. In layman's terms, he makes up his mind, sets a goal, puts it in front of him to be his focus and gets to it.  He aims at his target, and shoots. Have you gotten out of the boat? Have you set a goal? Have you put processes and mechanisms in place to achieve that goal? Do you have a plan? Have you made peace with that plan and decided to charge full speed ahead?  I've done this many times.  I am the queen of planning and goal setting.  I get excited by having things to aspire to.  I set the plan in motion and make calls, get things going. I take the initiative to learn all I can. So be honest with yourself. Have you stepped up to the plate?

Then, there is flee in the face of danger Peter.  This Peter is a wuss (albeit in his defense, I probably would have been a wuss too walking on water in the middle of the sea).  You see, the storms that rose up on the Sea of Galilee where pretty much like our hurricanes.  The conditions around Galilee were perfect for trapping in cross winds and would cause the water to have pretty good chop; it's easy to understand and rationalize how Peter became scared and began to sink, especially when the scriptures tell us the conditions were already rough.  The one good thing to note here, is that although Peter momentarily took his eyes off Jesus, HE KNEW WHO TO ASK FOR HELP.  So I ask you, do you know who to go to for help? At work, do you know who has what you need -- have you built a relationship with that person so that you can go to them to understand and to learn? Do you have a mentor?  Do you have working relationships with the right people? In your relationships, are you seeking counsel from wise, mature Christians? Have you looked to the Bible for direction and insight? Spiritually, have you cried out to God and been honest? Have you asked Him to open your eyes, to show you yourself? To help you get back on track?  I am proud to say I did that yesterday. I reached out to my tech lead and one of the other senior developers to get some direction so that I can get where I need to be as a senior developer.  Although I am grateful that God favored me and my collective skillset, because it was His favor that qualifies me for the blessings I have, I want to be a good steward over all He has given me and do my best here and in every situation and season I face.  God has given us all talents according to what we are capable of (Matthew 25:14-28) and I want to be like the servant with the 10 talents! This morning, another reading I had mentioned this passage, and what stood out there is that Jesus does not say Peter had no faith, but little faith. So he had some faith that could be exercised and could grow.  Don't doubt yourself today!

Lastly, there are the other disciples who stayed in the boat! They didn't even have faith enough to try and get out of the boat. What ideas are you sitting on -- better yet, what money are you sitting on? What things do you want to do that you simply lack the courage to try? What relationships do you want to cultivate, but are too scared to make the connection? Let me put it to you like this: what blessings are you keeping yourself from? I was this person back in 2011.  I felt like I was sinking and drowning here in Charleston. I wasn't growing, or at least I wasn't growing as quickly as I wanted to grow. I wasn't pursuing my dreams. God really loves using my sorority sisters I see lol.  I had a conversation with my Fav that helped to shift my perspective and change how I saw myself. From there I put the plan I already had in action.  It was then that I got out of the boat and began going after what I wanted to do, namely moving and law school (which I'm gonna finish in due season!).  So I ask, what is waiting on you outside of the boat?

I took my first step yesterday and actually asked for constructive criticism and ways to go forward in my current line of work...today I received them and have already begun to get to it. I love programming and I always have; I may sorta be like an addict because I love the excitement I get from solving problems, especially as a programmer (bka Programmer's High lol).  I have several plans in the incubator and one of the ways I can nurture them into the manifested stage is by taking full advantage of the blessing I have in my current job.  I have to thank God for putting me in a place that I can easily step out of the boat, knowing I'm surrounded by His love.

Today I encourage you to stop sinking and walk on the water, or at least wade while you get the faith to walk. Don't look with envy from the boat.

"Lord, if it's You," Peter answered Him, "command me to come to You on the water."  "Come! " He said.  And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus.  Matthew 14:28-29