Another issue I dealt with was an intense hatred of victimizers and child abusers. I realized this while in New Orleans watching a movie that simulated the prison experience (I honestly encourage all to watch the movie because it really exposes the nature of the private prison system in America). But there was a scene in the movie where a prison guard with sexual deviant tendencies proceeds to force a homosexual, effeminate prison to perform a sexual act on him. Watching the movie enraged me so much that I went home and prayed about it. I asked God to show me why I got so angry. God proceeded throughout that week to show me that I had not properly dealt with my own abuse, and instead took on protector tendencies towards others. I also got extremely angry when hearing of children being abused. I get angry now, but I also have come to recognize how and why certain tendencies surface in abusers. Most were abused themselves and merely repeat what they have seen, much like children who see their parents kissing, kiss their siblings or classmates at school. Because no one has told them that a certain behavior is wrong or attempted to address the issue, the abuser continues to abuse others as a form of power assertion. God had to pull me all the way back from that bitter, angry place so that I could have compassion and forgiveness towards them. Admitting this and surrendering these feelings to God is what gave me peace and the courage to be able to pray for them.
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