"And there was a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years, And who had endured much suffering under [the hands of] many physicians and had spent all that she had, and was no better but instead grew worse. She had heard the reports concerning Jesus, and she came up behind Him in the throng and touched His garment, For she kept saying, If I only touch His garments, I shall be restored to health. And immediately her flow of blood was dried up at the source, and [suddenly] she felt in her body that she was healed of her [distressing] ailment. And Jesus, recognizing in Himself that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth, turned around immediately in the crowd and said, Who touched My clothes? And the disciples kept saying to Him, You see the crowd pressing hard around You from all sides, and You ask, Who touched Me? Still He kept looking around to see her who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had been done for her, though alarmed and frightened and trembling, fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease."
Mark 5:25-34 AMP
I signed up for this reading plan on the Bible app called Imaginitive Contemplation. This reading plan is based on a practice of guided prayer by the Jesuits. My first law school was Jesuit and I wish I had the opportunity to go on one of the silent prayer retreats now...I may find one. This plan has been a tremendous blessing to me, especially today. I'm grateful because in signing up, I found another app named Abide that does guided prayer which will be helpful since I've been doing guided prayer meditations lately outside of this!
So each prayer in the plan is about 15 minutes or so and includes meditation music, the scriptural focus, and a guided direction through the scriptures as if you were there. In the entry today for the woman with the issue of blood, I found myself in tears because I was able to relate to her story. I know what it's like seeking healing and being given diagnosis after diagnosis. I know what it's like going to one doctor that's dead set on a treatment plan that may not have been the best for you and you ending up worse. I know what's it's like to feel you've reached the end of your rope.
So as the speaker led me through the prayer, I saw myself as this woman. I pushed through the crowd, trying to get to Jesus. No number of excuse me's would get me through them. I became indignant because reaching Him was my only chance, my last chance for healing. I finally realized that I spent so much time seeking everything else, relationships, career, dreams, and healing but I did not seek Him. Once I left all these things at His feet and began to seek Him, I was able to reach Him. Then He turned around and acknowledged me, restored me, validated me, and has still been loving me in miraculous ways.
After that experience, the love I felt and the love I've experienced these last two months made me realize why God went to such great lengths to get me to surrender. Now instead of wondering what will happen, I know and don't question without a doubt that what God has spoken to me will happen. I don't look at my journey as a curse anymore. I don't question God's love for me. I have things I'm uncertain of but I trust that it will all work out for my good. We all have different roads in life but we all need God. Instead of looking to things and people, today, reach to the one the matters the most, finding in Him everything you need.
"And He said to her, Daughter, your faith (your trust and confidence in Me, springing from faith in God) has restored you to health. Go in (into) peace and be continually healed and freed from your [distressing bodily] disease."
Mark 5:34 AMP
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